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[–]yousaythosethings 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

This is going to be an essay because I've been thinking a lot about this. To swipe right, i look for evidence that someone is: a woman who is actually sexually attracted to other women, is reasonably attractive to me or at least not unattractive, does not apply obvious filters to photos, includes both a close-up and a body shot, a minimum of 4 pics, and seems normal but interesting or has the possibility of being interesting. On the contrary, I swipe left if someone is evidently a man or couple, there is no real evidence that the woman is actually attracted to women (so many straight women end up in my feed wtf), nothing in the bio, and/or if they are way too into being alternative in every way and likewise seem to be performative about their sexuality.

I tend to be attracted mostly to women in the femme - androgynous spectrum not so much true butch, but there are some exceptions. I will say that I feel like I see very few true butch women so it might be the small sample size. I do look for different things depending on whether someone is more femme, chapstick, androgynous, or butch (though I hate putting women in these boxes). Like if a woman is more on the femme side, I will need stronger evidence that she is actually interested in women than someone who I look at and immediately think "gay!" Since I'm more on the femme side, I put a rainbow flag in my bio to make that clear.

In terms of look and body, I don't think my standards are unduly high, and I try not to be an asshole but if there's no chance of me being sexually attracted, why waste someone's time? In terms of the alternative thing, yes many actual lesbians and bi women are very into being alternative, but the women who treat it like a costume and yet perform the "alternative lesbian bisexual" script to a t are neither interesting nor attractive. This does suck for me because I am into some alternative things, but I'm also a professional and so I need to maintain some veneer of normalcy. The worst thing I've seen recently are people (b/c unfortunately there are a lot of me in my feed) who include nothing but political stuff in their bio. And it's all the same stuff. Like you're trying to find someone to hook up with and date someone and the most notable thing about you and what you're looking for is "BLM/ACAB/Fuck pigs/Fuck Trump" etc. Especially if you are a blue-haired white woman, it really makes me doubt you're even interested in women, and you just see hooking up with women as a way to be subversive.

If a woman labels herself "pansexual" it's an automatic no from me, but I've never been attracted to these women anyway. They tend to be performative as well and include the other red flags, especially political talk. If a woman labels herself "queer" then I would still consider swiping right if everything else seemed to check out, and she doesn't seem overly performative about her sexuality and wear a "queer costume."

I also try not to be an elitist but to also have standards with respect to what the woman is doing with her life. In my age range, if someone is a cashier or something like that and puts it in her bio as the extent of what she's doing with her life, we are just in very different places in life. I also would like to maintain a certain lifestyle on my end. But I do swipe right on women who spend their lives doing things like trades and art because I find that interesting and, for a lack of a better word, value-adding to my life.

I don't know, I just like normal women who happen to be into women and are otherwise living their lives. They don't have to be the most interesting person in the world as I can't determine that from a profile anyway, but I'm willing to give them a chance.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What do you mean by "alternative"?

[–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

In terms of "alternative style," there's generally a particular aesthetic involving unnatural hair colors and cuts in blunt or unusual shapes, visible tattoos, artistic and/or unnatural-looking makeup using a lot of black eyeliner and/or unusual shapes and colors, visible body piercings, etc. Clothing could look a lot of different ways depending on the person, but I think you get the picture.

In terms of alternative lifestyle which does not inherently overlap with alternate style but for many people it does, I would be referring to polyamory, kink, etc. And these days, chances are they identify as queer/pansexual.

In terms of my relationship with alternative style, I infused some elements of alternative-ness into my style starting when I was a teenager. I was very into piercings. I think I fell in love with them because I was really into Tasha Tilberg's look and her septum piercing. I was transfixed by this photo. I seriously had no idea she was a lesbian though. Wish I knew. She's been modeling since the 90s when she was 14 and apparently she was openly gay the whole time. Anyway, Tasha is the perfect level of alternative for me IMO. I always find it funny that Cover Girl selected Tasha as their face for a while because they managed to make her look so soft and kind of generic.