Why I don't like reddit lesbian subs

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[–]yousaythosethings 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

I feel you. I’m an LBL and this is the “LGBT community” I came out to. It is definitely toxic and lonely as a result. It’s so hard to find normal people who aren’t sucked into some aspect of this and don’t constantly have their pitchforks ready.

[–][deleted]  (14 children)

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    [–]yousaythosethings 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

    Sure I love over-analyzing things and the Kinsey Scale is something that factored into my self-conception up until the point I had the ultimate, “No, idiot, you’re just gay” realization that I had been avoiding all my life. To precede my Kinsey scale analysis, I’ll give a personal anecdote. The movie Kinsey came out while I was in high school and it put the scale on my radar. Initially it gave me some comfort because I saw it as a basis upon which I could internally say I’m “not quite straight” or “mostly straight” while still recognizing my same-sex attraction. The first time I started talking about my same-sex attraction out loud to friends in high school, I brought up the Kinsey Scale to see what they thought of it. And I tested the waters by saying that I thought I was a 2. And I remember my thought process was that 2 felt safe in that it recognized that I was more than incidentally homosexual in my attraction (though the scale is about behavior) but that I was closer to straight than gay. I think this is also around the time that everyone around here claims that being bisexual was super trendy and everyone was claiming to be bisexual. I honestly wish I was around that trend because it definitely didn’t reach me. I didn’t know anyone who claimed to be bisexual or even lesbian. It would have given me a nice cover if this was a thing in my area though. Once bisexuality was more accepted as a thing (at least from what I could tell), I internally felt that I must be somewhere in there but I did not use the term for myself, did not openly refer to myself as such, and the word never felt quite right to me. I never wanted to give guys the impression that I could be attracted to them or sexually available or anything like that. And then right before I came out as gay, I briefly held onto some idea that I was Kinsey 5, until I finally reached that “no, you oblivious dolt” headspace. So I would say the Kinsey Scale both helped and hindered me in understanding my sexuality.

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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      [–]StoneyTangawizi1 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

      Interesting. Wow you had a lot of internalized homophobia. I don't understand though why do you feel its selfish to not be attracted to men and why do you feel hurt men by not being attracted to them? How does not being attracted to males hurt them?

      And "they have a good reason to react with violence if you are hurt them by not being attracted"- wow these males sounds like incels.

      It's just so weird to me. I cannot grasp that.

      [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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        [–]StoneyTangawizi1 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

        Sorry for the very late reply. Holy shit that really sucks. I hope you didn't feel pressured or caved in and end up sleeping with a guy. Because something like that would be really traumatic and end up "fucking me up" for life. I hope you managed to get rid of your internalized homophobia now. That "sexuality is fluid" queerturd shit is a fucking cancer and should be eradicated.

        I am 25 years old. Well, I lived in a rather conservative Asian country which we don't really have this TRA, queer theory, gender type garbage. In fact, most people here know nothing about those "sexuality is fluid" shit. So maybe that's why I didn't get it at all.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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          [–]StoneyTangawizi1 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

          Are you a goldstar? Just asking out of curiosity. It's great to hear that you are doing better.

          Oh I see. That's fucking horrible. A lot of men are entitled fucking piece of shits. For some reason, men in my country seem to be more respectful of women than where are you from. Hitting on or catcalling women seems to be heavily frowned upon by the public here and would lead to angry or disapproving looks from people so I never see a dude doing that to women here. What country are you from btw?

          I understand what you mean. Well I hope you don't feel guilty anymore. Its literally trans and male entitlement. I truly feel sorry for you. What you should do is cut off these pro-trans, woke people from your life and don't associate with them anymore if you feel they are influencing your thoughts and mind. I think it will be better for your own mental health in the long run as well.

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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            [–]lovelyspearmint 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

            I honestly don't like the fact that the Kinsey Scale (which was developed 70 years ago, mind you) is still treated like a legitimate way of determining orientation, especially since people tend to use it as a gotcha that 'everyone is a little bisexual', even though it clearly has the far ends of exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual. It honestly has too much bias towards bisexuality, and it makes sense that its creator was bi himself.

            [–]yousaythosethings 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

            I'm not trying to uphold the Kinsey Scale as something everyone should use as a benchmark, but I don't understand your comment at all. I don't see people today using it to determine their orientation, but to describe what they already know or believe to be true about it. i also don't understand the implication that it has a bias toward bisexuality. There just is no spectrum of heterosexuality and homosexuality, so they get one number (0 and 6 respectively). But someone who is hypothetically a 5 is very different from someone who is a 1, even though they are both bisexual. It's just that of course there are different levels of bisexuality as the blended/dual sexuality.

            [–]lovelyspearmint 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

            Sorry, my argument is a little confusing. What I meant by that is that I've found people not using the Kinsey Scale as it was intended, but misinterpreting what it's supposed to be and using it against gay people by saying 'well, it's rare that someone is completely straight or gay, everyone is a little bisexual'. That's the only context in which I've seen it being used.

            Basically, people don't even know what the scale is but use it as a reason to get gay (or straight) people to consider that they might be a little bit interested in the same/opposite sex.

            By bias towards bisexuality, I meant it doesn't tell straight or gay people anything about their sexuality, since those sexualities are clear cut. It's a scale of bisexuality rather than sexuality in general. Sorry if any of this is coming off as rude, I really hope not :/

            [–]yousaythosethings 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

            No, you're good. I get you now. That being said, I believe the Kinsey Scale as designed is intended to describe behavior, not attraction, but it has come to be used to describe the latter. I think it's more useful to describe the latter. And so I agree that the scale doesn't really tell truly gay and straight people much about their sexuality once they've already accepted what it is (if they're gay), but it can be used to tell them about the potential sexual orientations of others in their dating pool. For example, some lesbians are not interested in dating bisexual women who are primarily male-attracted, but would date a bisexual woman who is primarily female-attracted. I do feel bad for women who are in the Kinsey 4-5 range based on their pattern of attraction because it often seems that bisexual discussions are dominated by Kinsey 1 types and they often have nothing in common and their interests aren't really represented by them.

            The scale can also be revelatory for people who are holding onto some idea in their head of being straight or gay that doesn't fully line up with their pattern of attraction (particularly for 1s, 2s, 4s, and 5s). I have definitely seen people comment on Reddit things like "I'm a Kinsey 4, can I call myself a lesbian if I'm only interested in women?" In that case, it should be instructive there, as it's clear they're harboring awareness that they're not actually homosexual but bisexual.