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[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (15 children)

Thanks, this makes sense. I guess I'm just loving the novelty of actually having a girlfriend for the first time and that's making me want to ignore red flags, but I know that's not the right thing to do. You're absolutely right that I should stand by my boundaries

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

Just try to remember you don’t have to tell her why you’re not ready. All that’s needed is to say you’re not, any decent human will respect that.

[–]MyLongestJourney 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Sure but OP must take into account that the person of interest might eventually stop dating her.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

I don’t see the problem. If the person you’re dating doesn’t listen to what you’re telling them when it comes to what you’re sexually comfortable with you’re probably better off.

[–]MyLongestJourney 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Sure,but they deserve to hear the truth and decide for themselves. I would not date someone with sexual trauma for example. I would totally respect their boundaries and never make a move if I were aware of it,but I like sex and nobody has the right to lead me on with false hopes.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Most women alive today have some kind of sexual trauma.

Edit because I should say since the dawn of time most women have experienced some sort of sexual trauma

[–]MyLongestJourney 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

So? If your sexual trauma inhibits your sexual function,you should be honest with your potential partners.It is unfair to lead them on.Tell them the truth,so they know where they are getting into,or do not date them at all.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

It’s no one’s business, other then your own, on why you are choosing not to have sex with someone. If the girls not comfortable or ready that’s all she has to say. She doesn’t owe anyone a damn thing. I still don’t see why this is an issue.

[–]MyLongestJourney 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It’s no one’s business, other then your own, on why you are choosing not to have sex with someone.

Sure.But you should not lead people on.If you have sexual trauma and hate getting touched,do not lead people on.Other people's feelings and time matter too.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

OP is either 16 or 17 years old. At that age you are either ready or not and unfortunately there’s only one way to figure that out. I’m not going to hold a teen who’s more the likely still in high school to the same standards as someone who has actual life experience and coping skills that you develop as you get age and experience behind you. She’s being smart and finding out what her boundaries are, seeking help from a therapist for what happened to her, questing if she is ready to take things up a notch, and trying to figure out if it’s ok to say no when you’re not sure or feel uncomfortable. I will firmly stand by my statement that all she needs to say is no or I’m not ready yet being good enough for now.

[–]piylot 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You've got great self reflection skills that seem beyond your years. You'll thank yourself now and in the future for setting healthy dating and sex habits, and most of those end up revolving around boundaries. I know I couldn't have had a healthy relationship like that at 16.