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[–]HighPlainsDrifter[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Being completely honest, I cannot imagine not having this woman as my wife. Even if our sex drive tanks out and we never have sex again. But I doubt that would be happy for her.

The reality is that I could leave her, find another person who in my current physical ideal and then in 10 years that woman could gain a bunch of weight and I could stop being physically attracted to her. I think it sounds fucking miserable to keep leaving people because their bodies change in totally normal ways.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That makes sense. But my point about not being able to force attraction stands. If you're fine with your sex life remaining like this, then what's the issue? Marry her and be happy together. Although you're right that lots of people's bodies change over the years, this specific case seems to be because of health problems and not just a normal belly developed with age. Perhaps therapy for any emotional problems she might be using food to cope with might be good, and apart from that you could cook together, exercise together, etc. Don't frame it as there being any fault in her body, which goes without saying, just that it's healthier for both of you to lead a better lifestyle. General advice but I really hope you can both figure it out, it will strengthen your marriage in the long run.

[–]HighPlainsDrifter[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe I just need to reframe sex for the time being then. I do think she is going to start losing some of the weight. The reality is that there might be more weight than before because some of the issues causing her to gain weight are not things that can be fixed through diet or exercise. I might ask her how she feels about finding an outside support like a therapist. I absolutely do my best to never make her feel like I am shaming her body or the realities of where she is right now and I try to support her eating healthier. I admit that we likely would never have gotten together if she was the size she is now when we first met but when I asked her to marry me it wasn't with the caveat that she always stay as attractive to me as she was then, so I do want to figure out how to continue being as good of a partner as I can, and for her that includes sex. So I guess I'll just have to figure out how to incorporate that until it becomes natural again.