You’re bold and I like you.

Here are my small rebellions. 1. Refusing to use the LGBTQ or LGBT acronyms. I know it’s petty, but I think it’s important that we separate ourselves from TQ as much as possible. I work for a large library system and I’m quietly working to rebrand all of our pride materials as individual entities.
2. Asking people to not call me queer. This has, oddly enough, come up a few times with my coworkers. I’m politely letting people know that I don’t like being called a slur and prefer lesbian or homosexual. It’s started some conversations. I think people have walked away with the understanding that LGB people aren’t a monolith and we shouldn’t thoughtlessly use blanket terms. 3. Using “homosexual,” “same-sex attracted,” or “same-sex couple” as often as I can when it’s pertinent. (You know, without making it weird.) I want to reiterate that lesbians are homosexuals as much as I can. 4. Being vocally against cancel culture to the people in my life. Let’s be real, this has gotten so bad because people are afraid of being canceled. Supporting free speech and expression (even when I personally disagree) is something worth standing up for. 5. Refusing to call relationships between between transwomen and women lesbian. (Again, petty.) I don’t roll out calling them straight, but I will not validate them by letting them use our word. (Same for the gay equivalent.) This actually comes up a bunch in my life and I use partner or spouse to describe SOs for these cases. I just say relationship, marriage, or couple too. I don’t add a modifier. 6. Starting the tough conversations with people I’m close to. I’ve found the best way to do this is let the conversation come up naturally and making sure I stay calm and composed no matter what happens. I try not to sound incredibly authoritative, but ask questions to make people think. (Going for a Socratic approach.) So far, I haven’t lost anyone. My gf and I had a big fight about one issue, but we’ve talked through it.

Things that seem to have gotten through to people: A. If lesbian can mean attracted to females and feminine presenting males, what should women who are exclusively same-sex attracted call ourselves? B. Sex and gender aren’t the same thing. (When someone freaks out that I’ve said male or female. It’s kind of cheap, but playing into their language without directly confronting them seems to work.) C. Language is meant to describe, not be an ideal to belong to. If I can’t describe myself, what does that even mean?