I'll admit that some of my position is informed by my inability to fathom how any entire lesbian can ever think she wants to be with a man

That's totally fair haha. I think it makes so much sense to me because it is just a type of brainwashing, and humans are extremely susceptible to brainwashing on ANY topic. I used to watch documentaries about cults for fun, so it makes a lot of sense to me.

I've yet to see very conclusive evidence to suggest comphet is the main reason lesbians come out later. I think there is a lot more to it, mainly sexism.

Oh, I think we might actually be talking about the same thing-- I thought comphet was a subtype of sexism. That only lesbians experience. So like, lesbophobia, directed towards yourself.

those who have an extensive past with dating men, with every opportunity not to, and apparently all while "hating" it.

I know a lesbian IRL (one of the only lesbians I know IRL) who dated 5-6 guys before realizing she was lesbian because she thought that she "just hadn't found the right one yet". She has dated exclusively women for the past several years and never talks about be attracted to guys or anything like that, so it's easy to believe her when she says she is. But, I do think that some of those women you describe might not actually be lesbians, and really just need to work out their issues with men. I don't want to dismiss them though, because I'm sure some of them ARE lesbians.

disillusioned to the point of dating multiple men and being married entirely on their own volition.

Ah, okay, I see where you're coming from. I know it might be staggering to think so, but-- there are a lot of loveless marriages, period. Once you consider that, it's pretty easy to think that some of them might have at least one person in them who doesn't realize their sexuality, lol.

Thanks for talking about this stuff with me, it's helping me organize my thoughts :)