As usual, good points from you.

You have to spiritually be a part of that group.

Yes, that sense of deep connection to one another is very important.

In order to be exclusive, you have to exclude people who try to change the fundamentals characteristics of that group.

And to connect these points, the glue that held the group together was our connection to one another as a brotherhood of gay men. The crux of the opposition was a hostility towards that brotherhood, seen from the outside, such that we were eventually told that wanting to experience that sense of brotherhood with one another by excluding those who were not like us actually made us bad people.

It's like a band where members are playing well together because they share a musical vision. Then other people want to join the band who aren't on the same page. Yet they want to be "centered" and demand it on the basis of their declared oppression rather than a sense of spiritual connection.