DiscussionBi men in gay spaces – examples of constant homophobia, misinformation and undermining our definitions

submitted by lazy-summer-godSuper Gay from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

but they're privileged because they're not outcast in an hetero world

Yes, this exactly. I usually see bi people (not ALLLL) thinking they understand us and thinking their same sex attraction is more than enough when it couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, what makes being homosexual so damn hard several times is precisely the LACK of opposite sex attraction and not necessarily the existence of same sex attraction. I would go even further and say that the HARDEST part of being a lesbian, at least from my experience, is dealing with the lack of attraction for men in such a men centric and heteronormative world. And this is a totally foreign experience for bi women lmao.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Yeah, tha lack of attraction to men is a problem to me, but more like, if I were bisexual I wouldn't never worry about dying alone or something. It would be so easy to find someone. I would prefer women as being with a woman is vastly superior in an sexual, emotional and whole dynamic relatinship way, but I could fall in love with a man, it would give me more way more options, But I just can't. And being so out of the norm isn't really what I needed for my struggling mental health. I've accepted it, but just fucking hate how limitating this whole orientation is.

[–]RaspberryTea 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Ironically, if you're a bi woman but mostly same-sex attracted, that bit of attraction to men can cause its own unique problems. Like wasting years of your life dating men just because it's easier even though deep down, you just want to be with a woman again and can't really picture spending your life with a man.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Yeah, but still got more options. It's always better than being limited.

[–]RaspberryTea 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Honestly? Without getting too much into my ridiculous personal history, I've always wished I was a lesbian so that dead-end "option" wasn't there, and I've decided to stop dating men since the odds of finding one who's truly suitable for me are close to nonexistent.

I guess you could say your option is my unwanted confusion. The grass really does look greener and all that.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's truth, we always want what we don't have. But full homosexuality is really very limiting. You can choose, while I can't. That's the difference. Also, maybe for someone with female preferance, a more feminine bisexual man is a good match.

[–]RaspberryTea 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It could be for someone else, but I like women too much. Truthfully, having sex with men (even though I enjoyed it) is what made me realize I'm more attracted to the fantasy of men than I am to the real thing. Once the mystery was gone, so was most of my interest. Which... definitely didn't happen with women. So for me, anyway, it's a choice between focusing on what I actually want and chasing a mirage.

I'm not saying this to downplay your frustrations; I get it. From the other side of the window, that probably does look better, much like fewer years wasted and a definite place in the community looks pretty good from mine.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

stats play against you when you're homosexual, that's all. And since dating is a number game, it's just significantly more difficult. I mean, it's difficult with hetero dating too, so the difficulty of sexual minority is just more.

[–]throwaway999 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You don't have to be a lesbian to only date women.

[–]RaspberryTea 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, yes, I realize that now. It just took me a stupidly long time to figure it out. 😅