I am a lesbian who was married to a man. I didn’t date a bunch of men or anything like that. Just had this one relationship. I knew I was attracted to women, and so did he, and he and I both knew I found it difficult to impossible to be attracted to men but for some reason I did believe I could be if I found the right set of circumstances and fixed whatever was preventing me from mentally getting to that point. For me the confusion resulted from a terrible mind-body connection that resulted from being raised by my malignant narcissist mother.

Basically I could see the facts individually but was unwilling and unable to see the pattern. Sometimes I’m more surprised that I did snap out of it and come to see my life for what it was. It scares me that I could have gone on indefinitely in that fog and growing old with the self-loathing it engendered because I was judging myself by the wrong standards. I truly am a shadow of my former self in the best ways now. Not that coming out as gay didn’t bring its own unique set of problems, obviously.