50 years after Stonewall we are now fighting bisexual people as well as heterosexuals for our right to same-sex attraction

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[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 54 insightful - 1 fun54 insightful - 0 fun55 insightful - 1 fun -  (19 children)

There is no "now" about it. Confused bisexuals who think they are straight or L/G have been doing this shit since the beginning of time and it's ironic because most of them refuse to be called bisexual. They insist they are straight or L/G and that they chose to be. They think EVERYONE is capable of being attracted to both male and female just like they are and that most people choose to be straight because that's what society teaches them is normal from a very young age, and some weirdos for whatever reason choose to be exclusively homo, who the fuck knows why, but everyone is capable of switching it up whenever they feel like it.

It's the most annoying thing ever, and most of these clowns will fight you to the death if you try to explain it to them that no, most humans are monosexual and they can't just decide to like the other sex. The ability to prefer one over the other, the ability to just focus on one and ignore your attraction to the other, the ability to completely deny to yourself that you are attracted to the other, or convince yourself 'everyone feel like this'... that's still bisexual. It's bisexual delusion.

If you try to call these people bisexual, they'll cry "don't you dare label me!!!!"

[–]reluctant_commenter 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It's really interesting to hear you describe it that way-- like, it must be such an interesting perspective to be able to feel the same way about men and women in terms of attraction. People often fall prey to the assumption that "Everyone else experiences the world the same way I do!" so I get why someone could make that mistake easily, but it's still really frustrating to try to get through to someone who refuses to consider that other people might literally have a different experience of the world.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's extra hard because (especially in this generation it all loops back into IDENTITY) they are personally invested in their worldview being true. If I found out tomorrow that being bisexual was caused by eating bananas as a baby and that I wasn't really born that way, my brain would probably explode. So you can't just provide these people with facts and step back and let them process. They will reject the facts because they need to protect their worldview at all costs. (I have no idea what the solution is beyond intense therapy and providing them a safe space where their sense of identity isn't threatened.)

[–]PriestTheyCalledHimBisexual 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Which generation? Boomers, Gen X/Xennial, Millennial, Gen Z, or whatever is after Gen Z?

[–][deleted] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

it must be such an interesting perspective to be able to feel the same way about men and women in terms of attraction

Being attracted to men and women... It's weird. It's sooooo weird. We all try and universalize our experiences, but they're not universal. Yet, we expect that everyone conforms to the same viewpoint as us.

So let me leave you with this. It does not matter to me. Man/women. They're not the same. It's an apples/oranges comparison. People ask me who I prefer? I have my types, absolutely, yes. But it isn't the sex of a person that matters to me.

When everything else is equal, other things take hold. If we're not differentiating on sex, then, what? This is the most subversive form of bisexuality, because it does not concern itself with the sex binary.

This is a bit of a blind spot in the grand scheme of things. I enjoy how men have broad shoulders and big muscles. That's really pleasing to me. I enjoy how women have wide hips and big behinds, that's really pleasing to me. Etc.

It's that blind-spot. It's where man/women breaks down. Insofar as it does not matter. I know that over there: that's a man, and over there: a woman. But I don't care. Because it's exciting. Because it's pleasing. Because they're (high-functioning people who identify with their birth sex) people, like me.

Bisexuality isn't like what you imagined, is it? And why should it be? It's a weird catch-all category.

Is it attraction to both sexes simultaneously heterosexual and homosexual, or is it neither? Treating bisexuality as a continuum of homosexuality and heterosexuality might not be the right answer. Are we perhaps other? Because I feel like other. And I'm here. I've got your back, dealing with all this trans madness.

There's a long history of bisexual this or bisexual that. Whether they should be part of the social movement. Etc. Kinda feeling like a footnote today, and frankly? That's okay. We're different.

I recognize this. The well-adjusted among me recognize this. Different strokes, different folks.

This isn't directed at you, RC, you've been wonderful, but... don't shit on us. There are more important issues at stake today.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

So let me leave you with this. It does not matter to me. Man/women. They're not the same. It's an apples/oranges comparison. People ask me who I prefer? I have my types, absolutely, yes. But it isn't the sex of a person that matters to me.

When everything else is equal, other things take hold. If we're not differentiating on sex, then, what? This is the most subversive form of bisexuality, because it does not concern itself with the sex binary.

That is really interesting... Thanks for sharing your perspective. Unfortunately all of the mainstream articles about bisexuality are stuffed with gender identity bullshit, so it is hard to get a clear sense of anything from those, lol. Nice to hear from people on this sub.

Treating bisexuality as a continuum of homosexuality and heterosexuality might not be the right answer.

Completely agree. The more I hear about it the less that seems like an accurate conceptualization. But I mostly avoid trying to find a better way of framing it and just instead, because I don't have the perspective/experience to suggest a better one.

Kinda feeling like a footnote today, and frankly?

Yeah? You doing okay dude? Feel free to vent if you need to :)

This isn't directed at you, RC, you've been wonderful, but... don't shit on us. There are more important issues at stake today.

That's kind of you :) yeah I have seen a decent amount of bisexual-bashing on LGB saidit subs... especially on s/lesbians towards bisexual women, I don't hang out there so much anymore lol. It seems almost ironic-- the TQ+ movement fosters a lot of stereotypes about bisexuals but there's a different set of stereotypes I sometimes see here.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Feel free to vent if you need to :)

I should really preface my venting posts with "VENT FOLLOWS:"

Unfortunately all of the mainstream articles about bisexuality are stuffed with gender identity bullshit

Oh god yes. Some definition is I see banging around is: attraction to more than one gender. So if you're attracted to women and women with mullets, you're bisexual. I've actually seen some women pull the mullet off, and not in a chic way, more like a redneck way... anyhow.

Anyhow, to make a long story short, I'm sure if you ask 100 bi people, you'll get 100 answers on how they experience it.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Being attracted to men and women... It's weird. It's sooooo weird.

YES! Has become clear to me lately just how true this is. The essential... strangeness of bisexuality, in that it is SO fundamentally different than any of the other orientations. To a degree, and in ways, that I am only just beginning to appreciate. The pervasive failure to understand this-- particularly in the form of stigmatizing it (and us)-- is the basis for "biphobia", I think, and the ultimate source of our problems. And, in a sense? I can't really blame you monosexuals for not "getting" us. Cuz we're WEIRD! I just wish we could find a way to communicate this weirdness so that it didn't seem bad, or threatening, or like the proverbial mystery wrapped inside an enigma; so you could get us just enough, and know that, even if you're still "WTF?" to a certain extent... that's OK.

Bisexuality isn't like what you imagined, is it? And why should it be? It's a weird catch-all category.

Exactly. It's a "weird catch-all category" because it encompasses all forms of "both/and"-ism... and there are so MANY of them! Which, again, is a complete departure from heterosexuality/homosexuality: you guys don't have anything like this. Two basic types of attraction, perhaps quite different from each other, intersecting and diverging in all sorts of ways. Result: what we refer to as "bisexuality" comes in a dizzying array of "flavors".

Is it attraction to both sexes simultaneously heterosexual and homosexual, or is it neither? Treating bisexuality as a continuum of homosexuality and heterosexuality might not be the right answer. Are we perhaps other? Because I feel like other. And I'm here. I've got your back, dealing with all this trans madness.

SO well-put! Yes, I am increasingly convinced that we cannot be treated, or understood, as a continuum of homosexuality/heterosexuality; natural though that approach might seem... it's just not getting us. Cuz we're WAY weirder than that! Bisexuals aren't merely the gray area between the well-defined poles of straight and gay: we're our own thing.

But that doesn't make us traitors-- as though we're "bad gay people", you know? Since we're not gay people at all. What we ARE is SSA. Like you. And that should be enough. To have something in common that puts us at odds with an overwhelmingly-heterosexual society, and sometimes in its cross-hairs. Even if the way that we experience it isn't always precisely the same. It doesn't need to be. We can be "other" and still have your back. Just like you can have ours.

OK, I'm crying now...

Thanks so much for writing this :)

[–]Jinera 25 insightful - 4 fun25 insightful - 3 fun26 insightful - 4 fun -  (7 children)

The funny thing is that you can always tell which lg people are actually bisexual because they will be the loudest about being lg

Whenever I hear girls goint on about "oh my goddddd im so gay!! Im so gay" they are always bisexual and have only been in relationships with men.

My understanding is that they are extra loud about "being gay" to make up for the fact that they are mostly opposite sex attracted lol

[–]censorshipment 22 insightful - 11 fun22 insightful - 10 fun23 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

So fucking true. My bisexual ex says she's "gayer" than I am yet has three kids, and her longest relationship was with a man (10 years) after she had been out and dating women during her 20s (she had a girlfriend for about 5 years and cheated on her with other women). She's 42 and refuses to call herself bisexual. Utterly ridiculous.

Oh, I've never been with a man. Full-blown lesbian.

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 20 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Seriously, back when I was doing self-harm by being on /r/bisexuals, there would always be these "I AM SSSSOOO GAY!" people who would post rainbow flags and shit. And there would be a small minority of us going... "ahem ahem... do you know that you are in the bisexual sub for bisexual people?" and they would go "OMG HOW DAAAARE YOUUUU I AM GAY RRRREEEEEEE!!!" and we would just be like....... "okay then." They wanted that "GAY" label so badly. Like go fuck off to the gay sub and be gay then! WHy are you here???

[–]hufflepuff-poet 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think bisexual people should start policing bi spaces more and calling out these biphobic bi-folks, like if you don't "identify" as a bisexual...why are you invading bi spaces, if you're gay go be in a gay space but don't expect to talk about your opposite sex attraction in those gay spaces (and maybe think about why you want to claim to be gay so badly when your experience aligns more closely with bisexuality...)

[–]haveanicedaytoo💗💜💙 22 insightful - 3 fun22 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Believe me, we tried and we failed. It's so soul crushing to get shrieked at by a 15 year old little shit who is outraged that I am gatekeeping her being allowed to call herself gay. I'm so sick of babysitting other people's children on the internet. I'm not even a mod there and it was only a matter of time before they would have banned me for pissing off and invalidating the toddlers. All they wanted to do was jerk off about The Legend of Korra's haircut and talk about lemon bars and how "gay" they were, with a passive-aggressive jab at us nay-sayers with "gay is an umbrella term so fuck off haters!" /r/bisexual is a lost cause. (I know you don't mean just that sub, that's just the main bi internet space I have prolonged experience with before jumping ship 2 years ago.)

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm so sick of babysitting other people's children on the internet.

[cue the marching band]

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That is so true. I have a bisexual friend who constantly talks about being gay as fuck, gushes over attractive women, but has only had one short relationship with a woman and has otherwise been and continues to be with men. Like, it's fine if you're mostly attracted to men, but don't overcompensate on the other front.

[–]Seahorse 13 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Yes or they'll get angry that a "biphobic" lesbian won't date them, when they're "happily married" to a male.

[–]PriestTheyCalledHimBisexual 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know boomers like this they will claim they are "gay man or lesbian woman, but married to someone of the opposite sex" and it is not a marriage of convenience as they are bisexual and sexually and romantically attracted to both sexes.