LesbianWhy the hell do some trans-focused "lesbian" communities talk about being a "top" or "bottom"?

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

My lesbian friend who has been out as gay for 10-15 years and who got a divorce last year and has re-entered the dating scene has been like "What is this new hellscape? What are people talking about when they're obsessing over people being tops or bottoms? In all of my relationships, we just take turns. We never used that language." Basically. And even worse, they type people based on style and appearance. Just another example of how genderists don't break binaries, they enforce old ones and create new ones. My straight friends' relationships are less gendered than this for Christ's sake.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Yeah, like I'm very short and petite and non masculine, they would target me as a bottom according to their retarded heteronormative view, in reality I definitely lean sexually dom, which means not top, as very glad in the passive role too, just I prefer being the one going first and staying more on top/in control. And I only being open to dildos if I were the one wearing them most of time lol But in general any lesbian relationship is pretty equal and mutual, there is no strict role. I would never want a relationship with a strict role, that's boring and abusive.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I’m similar. Appearance wise I clearly fall into the femme category but sexually I like a mix of both being in control and my partner being in control, and in practice I lean more towards being in control more often than not. I’m not passive in the slightest, in any aspect of my life really. I like things equal and mutual, as you said, and I think with lesbians my age this is pretty standard. And this is enraging because in spite of all the shit we lesbians have to deal with, this lack of set roles is where things have been undeniably better for us than for straight women. Now they’re projecting roles on young lesbians that are worse than what my straight friends are dealing with.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, I would stay forever alone before settling for some dominant woman acting like the man in the relationship. Nothing more repulsive to me.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Lol same. But I do mean it when I say even my straight female friends’ partners don’t “act like the man” in such an obnoxiously 1950s way. So it’s even worse than that.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's true. They're acting like a backward hetero couple, not even a normal hetero couple. Damn, why I'm not bisexual? or asexual who don't need a companion :( What a curse,girl. Being abnormal sucks.