LesbianWhy the hell do some trans-focused "lesbian" communities talk about being a "top" or "bottom"?

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

I have assumed they are using new terms to refer to whether they prefer receiving or giving regarding oral sex etc.

Interesting, thanks for sharing. I guess I just find it odd because by those definitions, then, straight people could just as easily use these terms to describe their sex, e.g. a "straight woman who's a top". It seems like a far cry from the terms as they have been co-opted from gay men. Or perhaps from sub/dom "top and bottom" terms as u/GatitoMalo suggested... it seems difficult to tell.

Also I just remembered that I forgot to respond to your other message lol, my bad. I'll get back to that.

[–]strictly 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

I think those terms have gained popularity so people outside the gay male and bdsm community have starting using them too, forgetting there are other terms to use (like receiver and giver). I sometimes see people using the term "butch" referring to masculine straight women too and even masculine men even though that is a lesbian term, so I've thought it was something like.

But it’s very possible my assumption is wrong, maybe they are referring to bdsm or sex with women-identifying males, if it’s on "actuallesbians" the later is quite likely lol.

then, straight people could just as easily use these terms to describe their sex

I am not familiar with the sex lives of straight people but my impression is the phenomena of pillow princesses and stones is almost unheard of in straight sex, so if a straight woman says she is a top I would think she is referring to being dominant, not that she doesn’t like receiving oral/penetrative sex.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I am not familiar with the sex lives of straight people but my impression is the phenomena of pillow princesses and stones is almost unheard of in straight sex

Regardless of whether they are currently used by straight people, if a "top" is defined simply as a "giver" or being "dominant" (BDSM) then logically a straight person could use these terms and it would make sense; whereas if a "top" is the penetrating partner who has a dick, a woman could not be a "top", for example.

But, to your point-- I have definitely heard straight men describe straight women as "pillow princesses" but I have never heard a straight person use the word "stone". I think there is probably a significant amount of variation among straight people in preference of giving/receiving, just as there may be among LGB people.

[–]strictly 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

then logically a straight person could use these terms

I don't call myself a "top", I've just assumed if a lesbian called herself a "top" she meant she liked giving (not that I condone co-opting terminology from other communities). But on a personal level I don't really care if straight people use top or bottom as they are these are not lesbian terms to begin with and I wouldn't really care if straight people called themselves stone butches either even though that's a lesbian term.

if a "top" is the penetrating partner who has a dick, a woman could not be a "top", for example.

Technically a woman can penetrate a man with fingers or toys so I don't really think it matters if it refers to being a giver, being dominant or the one penetrating as a straight woman can do all that. It's the same question if a straight woman or a man can be butch, if butch just means masculine, then anyone who is masculine can be butch, but if it's lesbian specific term then straight women and men can't be butch, It's the same with top or bottom, if it's a gay male specific term then people who aren't gay males can't be tops or bottoms, otherwise they can.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

I'm curios but why don't you like to be touched? It's that a control thing or something else?

[–]strictly 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I'm curios but why don't you like to be touched? It's that a control thing or something else?

Control over my own body perhaps, I’m not certain. I’ve never had any fantasies about receiving and the idea of receiving anyway makes me uncomfortable. So the way I see it, I simply choose to not consent to things happening to my body that makes me uncomfortable, and as I’m only with women who are sexually compatible with that arrangement it’s a non-issue. I think stones are stones for different reasons though so my case shouldn't be seen as universal.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It's strange. I imagine it would be a dealbreaker for most. But there are passive pillow princesses out there, like fucking a sex doll. But great for you :D

[–]strictly 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I imagine it would be a dealbreaker for most

Yes, that is why I weed those out so they can weed out me too.

like fucking a sex doll.

A sex doll can’t think, can't talk, can’t move, has no will. Not touching my private parts doesn’t make a sexual partner a sex doll and nobody I've been with has pretended to be a passive sex doll. Receiving isn't the same as being passive (and it's not the same as being submissive either, I'm not looking for being anyone's domme). I am not into casual sex so I've only had sex with women I've been in love with, so I have never regarded a sexual partner as an inanimate object.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

I mean that being only into receiving is extremely passive, but again there are surely women like that. Whether they're passive or just like getting pleasure while laying and relaxing, I'm sure it isn't a problem to find someone compatible. There is someone for everyone, they say

[–]strictly 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I mean that being only into receiving is extremely passive

In that case being only into giving is extremely passive too if you are talking about the lack of versatility in wanting to give/receive. The receiver isn't necessarily passive while receiving or just laying there.