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[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (14 children)

Is orientation based on gender, or sex, or both and to what extents? Etc.

It is sexual orientation, not genderal orientation. There are "androsexuality" and "feminosexuality" - they are wrongly called "sexualities", as those are more of a hard preferences than homo/hetero sexuality, but people having those are in general just bisexual people, and they like feminine man and feminine women, or masculine man and masculine women.

How I understand paraphilias after reading those articles and adding up my previous experiences, they seems to be very similar to how "sexuality changes" after sex work or sexual abuse, as person lived through that can have sex with any other sex/gender, they will not be aroused from opposite sex, so may need some "preparation", but they still may have good sex and orgasms with opposite to their orientation sex. Out of few paraphilic men I know - they can get off on anything, regardless of their orientation, because in their head they are seeing something different entirely to the reality. Like AGP are being aroused by themselves, so after this they can sleep with anyone else, but real lesbian coerced in sex she do not like - will make their self-arousal even stronger.

Most gay men porn and lesbian women porn is casted with straight or bisexual actors. They are just doing their job and can easily have sex with opposite sex - they are still not attracted or aroused by it, but can have sex and orgasm with no problem. One lesbian porn actress that my (lesbian) friend was checking for some time - get married on a man and said she is straight and went lesbian porn as she not liked how in regular porn women are treated and did not wanted to have injuries too, she was closing her eyes and imagioning she is having sex with a man, or was heating herself up with vibrator to get aroused, or start with strapon, after what just "finishing" on a woman. Because after first arousal, it is biological reflex response. Straight man can orgasm while being raped by a man, but not because he is gay or bisexual - just because it is automatic reflex for rubbing genitals for long time (I believe it is huge problem for many rape victims, as they can't forgive themselves for this).

So I would just say that their paraphilia just overrides their sexuality, as they are having way too heavy delusions or illusions in their head, or they are getting aroused at something else and then just continuing sex with whatever their fetish is. And this thing is not normal and require huge mental stimulus or mental disorders (or long history of abuse) to work.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is sexual orientation, not genderal orientation.

I was pointing out some semantic problems arguing between let's say, the traditional view of these subjects vs the new gender ideologues.

So I would just say that their paraphilia just overrides their sexuality, as they are having way too heavy delusions or illusions in their head, or they are getting aroused at something else and then just continuing sex with whatever their fetish is.

Absolutely. In the case of AGP, that you brought up, the men often have to result to herculean amounts of mental work and fantasy to have sex. It depends on the nature of the AGP for that individual. Some of them manifest more anatomically (that they have a vagina, for instance,) others are more interested in the transvestism. The latter of which can be more readily brought into the bedroom, assuming the partner is okay with it.

Depending on the individual, they may only have a minor interest in their paraphilia, such that's optional. It might be preferred, or exclusive.

Out of few paraphilic men I know - they can get off on anything, regardless of their orientation, because in their head they are seeing something different entirely to the reality.

It's not dissimilar to heterosexual men in men's prisons who are having sex with other men, but fantasizing about women. It does not require a paraphilia to pull it off. Also your points about pornography, I agree. The actors may not personally be interested in that sex, but they can do it.

it is biological reflex response.

Yes. It's a two way street. It can start in the mind, or in the pants.

And this thing is not normal

Of course paraphilias are not normal. They're relatively uncommon. They're non-procreative, for instance (the same can be said about same-sex sex, by the way.) Some are morally and legally objectionable.

and require huge mental stimulus

Sometimes, see above.

or mental disorders (or long history of abuse) to work.

It's a pretty complicated question whether having a paraphilia per se qualifies as a mental disorder. That's a pretty lengthy discussion. People can absolutely become disordered on account of their paraphilia, but it's not a guarantee. Depends on the paraphilia. The societal stigmatization of the sexual interest can sometimes be the cause of the disorder. (See the medical history of homosexuality in the West.)

Abuse... there's no strong evidence that childhood sexual abuse, adverse childhood experiences, or other sexual traumas are causative for the common paraphilias, in the majority of cases. I have seen some forms of repetition compulsion, but it seems rare. I can link papers specifically for BDSM practitioners that I have handy if you're interested. At least, I can always readily produce a wide variety of paraphilic persons who report no traumas.

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Totally agree with everything you've said. Especially this:

So I would just say that their paraphilia just overrides their sexuality, as they are having way too heavy delusions or illusions in their head, or they are getting aroused at something else and then just continuing sex with whatever their fetish is. And this thing is not normal and require huge mental stimulus or mental disorders (or long history of abuse) to work.

That is my understanding of all this, as well. I think it's important to distinguish between "paraphilia" and "sexual orientation" as concepts, and not simply include paraphilic sexual attraction under the umbrella of sexual orientation. That was my beef with strictly's points; but, I am now realizing that they were actually talking about more practical/casual use of language about sexual orientation.

To be honest-- I kind of wish we lived in a world where we could just call a spade a spade and have it not be seen as shameful for someone to say, "Hey, I have X paraphilia and Y sexual orientation." Of course, you could then get a bunch of people making up shit and accidentally mistaking what they are; could see people with internalized homophobia pretending to have a paraphilia in order to deny their same-sex attraction, as just one example... if only the world weren't so complicated. Lol.

Thanks for pitching in on this subject!

edit: Just to add-- I recognize that many people live with their paraphilias and I don't want to shame people for that fact. If anyone has suggestions on how to improve wording on this front, I'd be happy to hear it.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Saying that "homosexuality is sexual preference" is basically making homosexuality a paraphilia. So it is important to fight against this.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Exactly.

edit: This is part of my problem with lumping in people with paraphilias with bisexuals by default... it obscures the facts that there are actual bisexuals who do NOT have paraphilias. Seems like breeding grounds for misunderstanding and biphobia.

It stands to reason that one could be gay, lesbian, or bisexual, and be able to have this type of psychological disorder. We can't get rid of the problem by just shoving everyone with this type of disorder under the bisexual label.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Paraphilias are not volitional, in the same way that heterosexuality isn't volitional.

[–]MezozoicGayoldschool gay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It is something that is appearing during life and something that sometimes can be removed or strongly reduced. Not as much with heterosexuality or homosexuality. You are not developing heterosexuality at age of 30, and it is not going away after treatment and self control.