LifestyleHow to people tend to react to finding out you’re gay or bisexual? What about when you first came out?

submitted by yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries"[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I agree that it’s a personal issue and that we should be allowed to be as out or not as our as we want to be.

I totally agree with detesting the “Aww why didn’t you think you could tell me?!” reaction when people find out other than from me. It’s weird that people don’t get how invasive, self-centered, and infantilizing that feels. Again, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt in how I respond to an awkward initial reaction but it does bother me when people act entitled to know because they’re woke and “such good allies.” They forget we’re individuals with our own lives, wants, and needs. Not props to shine a light on how virtuous they are or for them to measure how gay we seem based on how much we adhere to their stereotypes.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Again, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt in how I respond to an awkward initial reaction but it does bother me when people act entitled to know because they’re woke and “such good allies.”

Jesus, couldn't have said this better. It bothers me how this is used as a trope or as an example of "caring". For example, "I'm so hurt you didn't tell me!" from a "protective mother" is supposed to signal love. But when the emphasis is on that person's offense or hurt feelings at not being told, it's making the whole interaction about them. The only thing I take away from that is that that person has a severe inability to see the perspective of the gay person, or even just see them as a person.