RantA general rant of disbelief at where we are.

submitted by InigoEnFuego from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]InigoEnFuego[S] 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

You sound so chill, I'm gonna try and enjoy the little things more. Try being the operative word but it's this weird balance of... feeling like I'm not doing enough if I'm not engaging in the debate, vs making myself depressed because I'm swimming through a swamp of rampant homophobia and sexism in an attempt to fight it. I guess it's hard to accept that I'm just 1 person and while I can change a few minds, I can't change the world.

You know you say you try to be as truthful as you can in your everyday life, and I think that's genuinely one of the things that hurts the most. I hate lying. It just feels bad. It's like there's a roadblock in my head every time I'm asked to lie. I had to do a sensitivity training course at work and having to check the "true" box for things I don't believe made me feel like absolute shit. Though I do surround myself with others who are critical of the trans movement and that's a reprieve for sure. and I've recently started playing D&D with a group of like minded women and that's been amazing because I just feel like they allow me to breathe and speak the truth and even make light jokes about the ridiculousness of it all.

DM: There was a goblin attack... they came from the mountains...

Cleric: How many were there?

Me: No no... it's just one, but they're nonbinary.

[–]indeepshadowsBi woman 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That D&D joke made me crack up. :D Also, your group sounds nice and relaxed; something that's in short supply these days.

Trust me, I'm not chill at all. At all. I'm pretty obsessive; I'm either there 100%, or not at all. Which is why I've had several bouts of bad depression in my life, and I've had to learn to suppress myself when I'm getting too engaged with something. Especially causes that mean so much to me, but are unwinnable by a lone ranger. I've had to learn how to recognise which battles are worth fighting, and how much energy I should expend on each of them - and if there's a reward to any of it. It's difficult sometimes, but forcing myself to chill generally helps keep my life balanced.

I hear you about the lying. I hate that we live in an era that pressures us to accept flat-out lies as the gospel ("TWAW! Nonbinary is a real thing! Lesbians love girldicks!"). Sometimes you have to lie so you can keep your job; it fucking sucks, but it is what it is. :( You shouldn't feel too guilty about it, though. There's a very good reason to lie when your livelihood is on the line. What matters is that you're not having to hide your personality from everyone, and that you have people around you that don't persecute you for your opinions. Like your D&D group. :)

Anyway, my best to you! Always look out for yourself, first and foremost.