First grade, there was a girl in the class next to mine. She was the first crush I ever had, short little pixie cut, big blue eyes...little me was smitten. Then I saw her go into the boys bathroom. Mind you, this was back in late 80s, so the bathroom craze had not happened. And yeah, turns out 'she' was a boy...and I still thought he was cute. This confused me, I knew what 'gay' was, I had a gay uncle, but it still felt like I was wrong.

So fast-forward a few years to repressed teenage me, now with new step-father action figure with phrases such as 'like a fag' and 'fucking queer'. Didn't help me push down the uncomfortable issue I didn't want to address. It was also around this time that the internet became a thing ( yeah, I'm old ), and I found myself on a message board for music where someone had an avatar of this GORGEOUS asian girl. I kept finding myself staring at the picture, until I finally asked who she was. And, naturally, the response was 'He's a singer named Gackt'. To be fair, Gackt's whole spiel involved dressing like a woman most of the time with his band Malice Mizer, so it wasn't totally out-of-nowhere, but this inevitably led me to looking him up and sure enough: I still thought he was hot. But now I was older, I didn't have the luxury of just forgetting it because my body was doing THINGS...so I had to start asking questions. The answer was fairly easy for me, and I always feel like I'm cheating that it WAS so easy compared to the stories I've read, but I like girls and boys, I'm attracted to features on both, and while my preference is androgynous men or women I definitely have no problems getting aroused at, say, this because holy goddamn, who wouldn't? So I realized pretty quick that I was bisexual, and honestly that was that.

Fortunately for me, I suppose, I was a total shut-in and didn't have many friends due to anxiety issues, so I never really had to do a 'coming out' thing. I'm not effeminate, I don't wear rainbows ( except for a really comfy pair of socks ), and I don't go around starting up conversations that have to do with who gets me off. I'm fairly sure a few friends know, and others for-sure don't, but it's not a big deal to me. I don't need to be 'out', because my sexuality isn't really anybody's business. If they ask, I answer honestly, and sometime's it surprises my circle ( like for real, mom? The posters on my wall were sporty spice and an effeminate asian man, is it REALLY that much of a shocker? ), but for the most part it's just...me. I don't define myself by things like sexuality or political beliefs, those are only part of who I am, so the closer someone gets to me the more they learn about me, and I feel like that's how it's supposed to be. No judgement, no pre-set prejudices, just...me.