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[–]materialrealityplz 20 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 3 fun -  (9 children)

Harassment is being asked “Aren’t you pregnant?” when you... are? I mean, I guess it's supposed to infer 'so why aren't you in the women's bathroom', but... like. idk. Maybe the men don't want to share a bathroom with a woman either.

[–]MarkTwainiac 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Also, when regular bog standard women dare to be visibly pregnant (or lactating, breastfeeding or caring for an infant or young child) in public and in the workplace, we're liable to get tons of special pregnancy-related sexual harassment as well as a lot of unwanted, intrusive attention we weren't/aren't subject to when not pregnant.

Such as strange men yelling as we board the bus, airplane or ride share, "Hope they charged you for two;" male passersby shouting "should've kept your legs closed, you cow!" and creeps with pregnancy fetishes approaching to tell you they want to smell and lick your pregnant pussy.

Also strangers, acquaintances and work colleagues constantly asking: When are you due? Can I touch your stomach? What are you having? Will you breastfeed? How much weight have you gained? Are you having a natural birth? If not, why not? Do you know that eating/drinking that (whatever you're eating or drinking) might give your baby birth defects? And so on.

[–]our_team_is_winning 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (7 children)

creeps with pregnancy fetishes approaching to tell you they want to smell and lick your pregnant pussy.

I don't know how many miles apart we are on earth, but surely you can hear me screaming if you poke your head out the door? Please tell me you made that up? Please. I'm going to tell myself you made that up so that I can sleep. But then I read that thing on pregnant women being in demand in German brothels, so I know you didn't......

Also strangers, acquaintances and work colleagues constantly asking: When are you due?

2025

Can I touch your stomach?

$20. It's for the kid's college fund.

What are you having?

Ooh, lunch orders already? A conversation with an annoying person? Another headache brought on by coworkers?

Be tempting to get a t-shirt with preprinted answers you could just point to, or leaflets to hand out.

[–]MarkTwainiac 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Please tell me you made that up? Please. I'm going to tell myself you made that up so that I can sleep. But then I read that thing on pregnant women being in demand in German brothels, so I know you didn't...

LOL, sorry to have messed with your sleep. No, I didn't make it up. That happened to me in NYC USA nearly 30 years ago. Before I had the experience of being visibly pregnant, I naively assumed being pregnant would mean a reprieve from being perved on and sexually harassed in public. What I learned from firsthand experience is that a different kind of perv goes after pregnant women, and pregnant women are subjected to different and novel forms of sexual harassment (mostly from men, but sadly, sometimes from other women too).

Obviously, as your example of the German brothel shows, a lot of men have fetishes around pregnancy. But I think other factors are involved too. Pregnancy, particularly in the later stages, dramatically heightens the physical power differential between the sexes: whilst pregnant women are usually quite strong, being heavily pregnant means we can't run away as quickly or easily as we could when not pregnant. Pervy men know this, and get off on it. What's more, they know their gross behavior is more likely to go unchecked coz they're aware that when women are pregnant, a strong instinct usually/often kicks in to protect the baby at all costs, so even a feisty pregnant woman will probably be unlikely to tell a perv to fuck off, knee him in the groin or laugh in his face - the risk of what could happen to her and the baby if she pisses the perv off further is just too great.

Same goes for breastfeeding women. I don't have the paper on hand, but I recall reading that one quarter of women surveyed report that while discreetly breastfeeding an infant in public, male strangers have approached and actively perved on them/us - for example, making lewd comments and vulgar sexually suggestive noises, and sidling up or sitting themselves nearby where they commence to flash or rubb their dicks or openly masturbate at the mum and babe.

I like the idea of preprinted answers. Maybe leaflets put inside OTC pregnancy tests would be a good idea.

It's interesting that virtually all the info available about pregnancy harassment is about it occurring in workplaces or schools. I can't find any info online about the verbal abuse that pregnant women are subjected to (mostly by men, but on occasion by girls & women too) who are total strangers in public settings. And whilst there's a lot of research by (male) sexologists and criminologists about men with "paraphilias," including pregnancy fetishes, I'm not aware that any of these experts have asked women about our experiences of being preyed on by such men. Coz the male experts tend to see women much as the men they study do: as objects for males to fantasize about and insentient animals who only serve as recipients of male abuse, rather than as full-fledged human beings who suffer emotionally and physically as a result of what these sick men do to us and whose human suffering is worth looking into and documenting.

https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/managing-pregnancy-and-maternity-workplace/help-and-support-employees/faqs-employees/during-1

https://www.nwlc.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/titleixpregnancyharassmentfactsheet.pdf

BTW, some of the most vicious, ugly, vulgar - and loud - sexual harassment I got when pregnant circa 30 years ago was from a couple of gay transvestite streetwalkers and drug dealers who hung out in my (very gay) nabe and knew me and my male partner by sight. Coz my partner was quite handsome, a couple of these gay transvestites took a real dislike to me & would often make nasty remarks to me if we encountered one another when I was alone (my involvement in ACT UP and Gay Men's Health Crisis provided no protection). When I became visibly pregnant, one of the transvestites really became enraged and would routinely shout at me from across the street or down that block, calling me a fat cow, a slag, a whore. He'd scream some really crazy stuff at me too: Bitch, you think you are all that coz that man of yours put his dick in you and knocked you up. But bitch I've taken more dick than you could ever dream of getting in your life. Once you have that baby, no man's gonna want to put his dick in your stank ass stretched out pussy... and so on.

Today, the big strapping men dressed up in drag who subjected me to that abuse would be called "transgender women" and be demanding to be let into female spaces on account of them supposedly being "the most oppressed and vulnerable members of society" - and I'd be condemned as mean and unkind for not centering them in my feminism and doing everything I can to please them.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

gay transvestite streetwalkers

Sorry this got really long.

Wow, thanks for all that info. You are seriously the professor of this forum, always with loads of resources! This has bothered me a long time but I feel stupid asking. Why should I? I am not an expert on gay men. Gay men who dress in drag -- who is their target audience? This has confused me for the longest time. It's my understanding that the overwhelming majority of gay men are "masc 4 masc" and do not find feminine gay men appealing, basically because they like "manly" -- if they were into women they wouldn't be gay. So then I think there's straight men with some "ladyboy" fetish -- but Western drag queens are rarely petite like maybe a Thai man might be. Some women seem to be amused by drag queens, which I don't get at all. I've always found them insulting to women. I believe it was RuPaul who I saw on TV like 30 years ago (?) and he said "I'm ALL woman!" and I shouted at the TV "no, you're not!" And Jerry Springer type shows would have tall thin men with their tall thin man legs come out in bikinis, and the audience would giggle over "where do you tuck it?" and I would wonder, WHY are they doing this? Like I said, I can't talk about gay men, what do I know? I've been friends with quite a few over the years, but I'm just an outside observer. My friends all wore men's clothes and most liked to bulk up their muscles. One dressed up as Marlene Dietrich for a party, but I've never known any who wanted to LARP as a woman. Why would they? They like men. And these Western drag queens are generally large and sorry, ugly. They often seem rugged and burly to me, which makes the drag outfit all the more ridiculous. I'm picturing James Pritzker. Clearly they hate women. Do gay men who (non-drag, just regular men who happen to be gay) ever get jealous of a woman who is with a straight or bi guy that they are interested in? I can't grasp a gay man being jealous of a woman. Maybe being jealous of one's rival, regardless of the dynamics (the way a teenage girl gets angry that her best friend is suddenly spending all her time with a new boyfriend -- not that the teenage girl wants to sleep with her best friend, she just wants her friend's attention back), but this is a hatred. The things they said to you while pregnant -- that's like an extremely hateful female attacking another female (if women freely talked like the worst of misogynistic rap lyrics!)-- but these aren't females! They're men! Who IS their target audience when they're walking the street? Do you know that Bowie song "Queen Bitch"? https://genius.com/David-bowie-queen-bitch-lyrics Maybe that's the problem -- they don't have a target audience? Gay men want "manly" men. Straight women want "manly" men. Lesbian women want women. Straight men want women or maybe another guy sometimes -- do they want guys who LARP and LARP poorly as women?

<Today, the big strapping men dressed up in drag who subjected me to that abuse would be called "transgender women" > Yeah, so they were there before with their fetish. Are they trying to get straight guys to somehow think "wow, this man in drag is better than a woman"? Are they trying to trick inebriated straight guys who then realize they've picked up a man and often beat them up? Remember when Danny Partridge (Bonaduce) did that? I don't recall if he knew it was a man or had been fooled and then got angry. Are they the same as Romy Haag, Candy Darling, Amanda Lepore, Blaire White (I guess HSTS)? I know people say "Blanchard" and I guess that means there's HSTS and there's AGP, but is the only difference here in how well they can "pass"? Or that AGP like to call themselves "lesbians" because they're still chasing women? I'm so confused. Sorry so long. I think if anyone could set me straight (no pun intended!) it might be you. Thanks!!!

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Gay men who dress in drag -- who is their target audience?

I think we need to distinguish between gay men who dress in drag, aka drag queens, and the gay transvestites of the sort I mentioned (now "transwomen"). Although there's always been some overlap, traditionally these were two distinct categories of gay men.

Drag traditionally was done by gay men as theater in a club or a theater - it's a type of male dominance display meant to entertain other men, not a means by which men tried to seduce or make themselves sexually appealing to other men.

Drag queens traditionally have done their drag acts only at selected times in front of a usually paying and tipping audience on some sort of stage. They don't perform drag FT or even most of the time, and they traditionally have drawn a clear line between performing on stage and living their lives offstage. They might be "full of themselves" and quite narcissistic, but they don't need to be the center of attention all the time. They can survive most of the day without others looking at them and "affirming" or "validating" how fabulous they are at impersonating women.

By contrast, gay transvestites like the men I mentioned - the kinds of guys who today insist they are some new breed of women - don't draw that same line. In fact, they often can't even distinguish that there should be a line because they don't have the same sort of relationship to reality that most people do, and they don't recognize or respect interpersonal boundaries the way others do. These men have a desire, indeed often a compulsion, to impersonate women as often as possible. They need to perform their play acting on the street and everywhere else in real life, 24/7 if possible. They see the whole world and everyone in it as their audience - and they are hell-bent on making the whole world their captive audience, too.

You know the old saying, "all the world's a stage"? Gay drag queens know it's a figure of speech. Gay transvestites - the ones who now call themselves "transwomen" - take it as both a profound truth and their marching orders. Along with "look at meeeeee," it's their motto.

Whilst some drag performers have always been what used to called "girly men" or "swishes" like Bowie said in the song you referenced, many nowadays - as you note - are typically masculine men who in their their real everyday lives dress and "present as" regular guys. On stage, they might've be all dolled up as caricatures of women - but until recently in history, that's not how most of them went through their daily lives, and it certainly wasn't how they dressed when going out on the town or to the baths in hopes of hooking up.

I doubt very much that an old school drag actor like RuPaul has a Tindr profile of himself in full drag. Usually, these guys date as their regular selves, not in drag.

Traditionally gay guys did drag coz it was fun and a good way to earn decent money for men who were theatrical & liked playing dress up but didn't have the acting chops for serious theater.

IMO, many of these men traditionally did drag for other deeper reasons too: to show how awful, grotesque, fake, "fishy," laughable and low-status women are; and to demonstrate that no matter what ridiculous, elaborate lengths they went to to caricature women - no matter how big the wig, garish the makeup, high the heels, giant to breast forms, OTT the mannerisms - they were still clearly and obviously men, and such they had a natural, inborn, unshakable superiority to women and could never, ever fall so low as to be a woman or taken as a woman.

By contrast, the men who call themselves "transwomen" do want to be taken as women. They insist on it, and if anyone dares not to play along it's gonna be hell to pay. But at the same time, most of these men don't want to be seen on the same plane as the women they fetishize are seeking to imitate. They want to be seen as superior women. The bestest, highest status women ever!

Gay transvestites like the streetwalkers I mentioned traditionally fit the Blanchard HSTS model: they were and usually are gay men who are attracted to straight men and have set their sights on bedding, and often partnering with, straight men. These guys usually have such an incredible amount of internalized homophobia that they reject both the gay men they themselves are as well as all other gay men.

The American TIM track athlete CeCe Telfer, who transitioned for his senior year in college partly to invade women's sport and win the title of NCAA national women's champion, explains the fantasy: https://youtu.be/ydeH-0EstiE (BTW, I don't endorse or agree with the POV of this YT channel - I think they're homophobes.)

Kinesis (who calls himself "trans rational") reveals his similar fantasy and homophobia to Miranda Yardley here, explaining that he doesn't trust other gay men and is exclusively attracted to straight/bi men and wants to find a rich one who will support him so he can stay home and make art and practice his womaning (from about 46:00): https://youtu.be/_nYR0vDwGnM

As you point out, guys who pretend to be women in the hopes that straight men will fall all over themselves pursuing them romantically are setting themselves up for failure and heartache. I sorta feel sorry for these guys, but still I don't know what they expected. Straight men are attracted to girls and women, not to men no matter how pretty these men make themselves through cosmetic surgeries, makeup and clothing. This person has a YT channel full of videos complaining about how no straight men see him as girlfriend and marriage material:

https://youtu.be/H-CsWrQtWrA

However, I should point out not all gay guys who go "trans" are exclusively attracted to straight men. This person seems to be up for action with any type of guy, and says he gets tons of action, and since sex rather than romance seems to be what he's after, he seems pretty happy:

https://youtu.be/5hS-jrvT2Xs

I know people say "Blanchard" and I guess that means there's HSTS and there's AGP, but is the only difference here in how well they can "pass"?

In Blanchard's typology, the difference between these two groups of men has nothing to do with how well they pass. Blanchard divided these men according to which sex they are attracted to and want to partner with: HSTS are sexually attracted to men and want straight men to see them as sexually alluring women, whilst AGPs are sexually attracted to women and to the idea of themselves as women and they want women to see them as sexually alluring women.

But Blanchard's typology has never been quite as either-or as it's often portrayed. All along, sexologists who believe in the Blanchard typology have noted that a lot HSTS boys and men are also AGP. A common trait amongst pretty much all men who claim to be trans is a pronounced narcissism. Some have full-blown narcissistic personality disorder or other cluster B disorders; others just have lots of narcissistic traits. But pretty much to a man, they are all madly in love with their mirrors, their selfies, their filters, their playacting, and their fantasy selves.

Due to the spreading trans craze, laws changing in their favor and the influence of internet porn - especially she-male, chicks with dicks, sissy bimboification etc - and other factors like anime, video games, LARPing, cosplay, the coddling of children especially male children, the normalization of kink, new cosmetic surgery options (FFS, tracheal shaves, implanted prosthetics meant to mimic female breasts), increasing atomization, RL social isolation, misogyny, male supremacy and libertinism - it seems that more and more of the gay boys and men who claim to be trans nowadays are just as fetishistic as the straight guys who fit the traditional AGP mode.

For more insight, I suggest some older movies about both drag and the men who used to be called transvestites but who now would be encouraged and perhaps emboldened to say they are some new kind of women - and to claim they are better at womaning than the lowly kind of women to whom they owe their very lives. Such as Torch Song Trilogy, Paris Is Burning, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, The Bird Cage, and Breakfast on Pluto.

Final word: please use paragraph breaks. It's very hard to read a wall of undifferentiated text, especially for those of us with less than perfect eye sight.

[–]MezozoicGay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

traditionally these were two distinct categories of gay men.

They have different names for a reason: "drag queen" and "transvestite". Drag queen is "performative and mocking femininity". While transvestites are doing that not to perform to others, but for themselves, and they do not need audience, they will do it even if they are alone.

Drag queens can be straight, tho, but it is super rare - or maybe it is non-american specific, as all straight drag queens I can remember - all from non-angloworld. And, actually, majority of drag queens I know are straight in eastern world. We have even our own drag queen star - Verka Serduchka, he is very famous and respected here, for example. He even was singing on Eurovision once. And everyone is referring to him as "he", as everyone know it is just a performance. Transwomen here are seen as same drag queens but gay, or else "why they are dressing and acting like that?". However, TRA organisations here received big fundings recently and now pushing "conversion therapy narrative here" of a "it is better to have trans-girls instead of gay-boy, right?", playing on homophobia in society.

gay transvestites

Nowadays those are mostly straight "transbians", who destroyed a lot of lesbian spaces.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

whilst AGPs are sexually attracted to women and to the idea of themselves as women and they want women to see them as sexually alluring women

Now that you say that, yeah. Trying to think of any AGP who are chasing MEN. Are they all "lesbians"? So many are already married to women and stay in the marriage. The majority of women, esp. married women, are not lesbians, so why would these AGP think women would find them alluring?

If these men are already with a female, they need to convice her to be attracted to his LARP display -- highly unlikely. If they are single, they're trying to find a woman who is attracted to male LARPing? There's a niche market. Well I guess Bruce Jenner and that much younger guy he's with, they're both LARPing together, two men.

Thank you for all of that. I am going to save it and share it. Sorry about the lack of breaks -- when I typed it, I had them, but I guess I don't understand how to format. Is there a how-to on formating here? I clicked "formatting help" but got no info on breaks. I have bad eyes too and enlarge everything to 175%. White on grey font doesn't help either. Again I appreciate your detailed and informative response.

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

You seem to have figured out the breaks now, which does help, doesn't it?

One thing to keep in mind about straight AGPs who transition in mid-life or later like Jenner: many of them claim that after transition their sexual orientation changes, and they are now attracted to men. But the sexologists who work with these guys, and the women who were married to or involved with them previously, don't buy this. People who claim to be the opposite sex are basing their core sense of self on a very big obvious lie, and when your whole identity is based on a lie it's easy to tell lies about other aspects of your life too.

Jenner's with another TIM now coz the sad reality is, no one of either sex who isn't caught up in transmania or weird sex kinks and fetishism wants be romantically involved with TIMs or sees them as life partners, particularly not the older ones. They are each other's consolation prizes.

Very young TIMs who can pull off a feminine look will attract male "chasers" interested in using them as novel fuck toys. And there will always be men interested in getting it on with older "she-males" with giant fake tits whose main or sole interest is having as much sex as humanly possible like the 63-year-old YouTuber I linked to above.

But like most AGP TIMs, Jenner is a politically and socially conservative marrying kind of guy into LTRs and looking for companionship and partnership. However, he's found out that most people who want life partners aren't interested in TIMs, or in trans-identified people generally. I doubt Jenner's current, much younger companion would be with Jenner if Jenner didn't have wealth, fame and celebrity clout.

[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I looked at all those videos -- watched the shorter ones in full but that long one with Miranda Yardley and Kinesis -- I couldn't take two men playing dress up poorly for so long.

What freaked me out more was how Youtube brings up "you might also like" along the side, and there was an endless series of other trans channels. I guess, as they're mostly all narcissists, it makes sense every single one of them has a YT channel!

That fellow Eirinn Patterson you sent me the link for --- wow, could the bolt-ons there be any more prominently displayed? The comments! Some guy "Milk Man" asked "Sexy Trans, are you into golden shower?" and "sexy Trans" replies with the heart symbol and "only by accident a long time ago." Can you imagine a guy posting that comment to a woman's YT channel? She would block, delete, red flag, or say "ewwwww!"

What goes wrong in these men's heads that sets this off? If a man is gay and can't handle it, ok maybe he ends up like Blaire White. But the James Prizkers, the "It's Ma'am" Game Stop hulk, the "I'm 50 with grown kids, think I'll announce I'm a woman" -- what is causing this?

Thanks as always for your bank of knowledge!