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[–]kr66t 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was you once, not necessarily thinking I might be trans, but I was extremely dysphoric about my breasts. They felt like a sickness to me, two tumours I just wanted lopped off. I had the great fortune of them being huge and heavy as well, there were no bras in my size, there was no hiding them, I wanted nothing more than to scratch them off. And it seemed like I was going to feel like this forever.

But then in my mid twenties it just stopped. I got used to my body. The psychological pain was gone. I did go on to get a reduction surgery due to physical pain, but I'm by no means flat the way I fantasised so much about as a teenager. And it feels ok, it's not something that crosses my mind anymore.

I feel that puberty is really hard on girls, our bodies change in ways that throw us literally off balance. There's weird lumps and bumps, pains we didn't have before, it's like our bodies are conspiring against us. And nowadays it gets medicalised in ways it didn't before - maybe you have gender dysphoric, maybe you need pills to put puberty on hold, we can cut off parts or give you meds to make things grow. I think in reality what young people need is time to get used to their bodies after puberty. It can be painful at the time, but if it normalises in 5 years (which I know seems like a huge amount of time) maybe it's worth it. Imagine you have surgery and you end up being in either physical or mental pain from that. There's probably less of a chance it'll blow over by you just maturing into your body.

As for binding, I know it makes you feel better, but it'll probably make it take a lot longer for you to be able to grow accustomed to your body. If you're inclined to do sports that helps, especially lifting weights and things that make you feel stronger and more powerful in yourself.

Also, easier said than done, but just avoid people and places that encourage all the pain. I would've been much better off not hanging around people who were super self-involved about their bodies and pain surrounding them. If you don't have any find some real world hobbies, away from people that talk about bodies and transition. You'll find being around people who don't get hyperfocused on the things that cause you anxiety and pain will encourage your thoughts to linger less on those things as well.