I agree with you. This is why I can never go full radfem, because I do believe transexual people exist, I just think they are a tiny group of people who've been drowned out by fetishists, cross dressers, special snowflakes, and other trenders.

I am a gender abolitionist too, but I also recognize that gender exists in our current society and I think for people who have crippling gender dysphoria diagnosed by doctors/psychotherapists and go through the medical steps (hormones, surgeries, etc) I am okay with viewing them as women. (with notable exceptions for sports, shelters, and medical situations) But bathrooms? I couldn't care less. A women's book group or something? I mean if they participate in good faith and don't try to dominate conversations then I'm fine with it.

Even more so when we consider many of these dysphoric MTF are attracted to men! I'm thinking of people like Blaire White or Rose of Dawn here: in my mind I would think of them as a woman, yeah if it really got down to it then no they are not truly women, but they've already expressed that they don't intend to try to take women's resources or do anything else to hurt women. I can't understand fully what's going on in their brains, but if it makes them happy and they are respectful/don't overstep boundaries, then I don't have a problem with them and even support them making the choices that make them most happy.

I have a good friend like this too and I guess I kinda feel like -- she uprooted her whole life and went to such great lengths to be seen as a woman, and she's not participating in women's sports or waving her (now non existent) "girldick" around lesbians or anything -- those actions would mortify her because her worst nightmare is making people uncomfortable -- yeah she's not REALLY a woman but I am willing to play along because I can tell it's important to her and it is doing no harm to me. This is the kind of person that well meaning libfems think of when they're talking about supporting trans women. I just think that they are a very rare kind of person, and most of the people claiming to be "trans women" these days do NOT match the description.

Speaking of which, I especially don't really feel threatened by post bottom surgery trans women because their ability for sexual assault has greatly diminished (yes I know it's still possible, but at least they can't impregnate anyone). I do not trust any trans "woman" with a penis, I understand some might be reluctant to do surgery for legitimate reasons (no $$$, fear of botched surgery), but I do think you need dysphoria to be a trans person and part of that would include not liking having male parts. The minute the "girldick" term comes up I instantly brand them as fetishist/predator because by definition they like being a male and having a male reproductive system, and I will NEVER accept them as a woman in any way shape or form.

I also think somebody can be a transsexual FTM without being a self hating lesbian or whatever. Again I see the great lengths someone like say, Kalvin Garrah or Buck Angel, goes to to be viewed as a man by society and I have a certain level of respect for that. They know they are biologically female, they just feel more comfortable being perceived as a man. Again it comes down to rights and safety issues, and FTM are not threatening other biological women, so who cares?

I know the radfem opinion is that these people are aping sexist stereotypes and thus promoting said stereotypes, but I think that a lot of biological men and women do the same thing and there are a lot more of non trans people promoting these stereotypes. I do think in an ideal world we'd have no gender stereotypes and we could say "Blaire White is a man who likes looking a certain way and there's nothing wrong with that", but like... let's be real. The overwhelming majority of society is not there yet and probably won't be within my lifetime. This is also why the "theys" and people who pick gender pronouns incongruous with their appearance (say, the men with beards that call themselves "she"), and pronoun announcing in general annoys me. I think that unless you're in a medical or sport situation or otherwise around the person undressed, the truth is that for the rest of the time their chromosomes (nor self perceived "gender ID") do not matter as much as what society is going to clock them as. I tend to lean utilitarian in my philosophy so I think that for truly dysphoric individuals, transition is the best option in the sense that we have to be realistic and recognize that gender stereotypes were not invented by trans people, but they influence how the whole of society operates and it will take much longer before we can get to the point where your average bloke on the street would view Blaire White's presentation as acceptable for a man.

I also differ from radfems a bit in the sense that I think completely eliminating gender is not possible. I think we can greatly reduce the effect biological sex has on the gender roles people are expected to fill (contrast the options of lifestyle for a biological female in, say, Yemen, vs. Sweden...), but I think that as a dimorphic species in which males are much stronger than females and females bear the offspring, human society is always going to assign certain attributes and roles to the different sexes beyond their role in reproduction. And us women as the more disadvantaged of the two, are always going to be victim to society (both men and other women) trying to coerce us to act a certain way that is ultimately more conducive for the role of mother, because we humans have evolved over millennia specifically through selecting for the women that were willing and/or able to become mothers. This also means that in any society there's always going to be some tension around people who do not fit this role, either due to their sexual preference or due to the gender role they want to adopt not being ideal for reproduction (so LGBT basically). It's a depressing thought for sure, so I try not to dwell on it too hard, but it is what it is.