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[–]quickbeam 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just want to say "welcome" and that no matter what you decide to do in the future, I have immense sympathy for you in trying to work out your identity and your place in the world. I'm sorry that Reddit has become such a toxic environment for open discussion. (Well, hell, most of the world has these days!) I often suffer from severe depression, which while it may have different causes, I can definitely relate to the feeling of being on the floor of one's apartment for a week. So big hugs there.

I lurked in r/detrans for a while to read advice they would give to detransitioners having difficulties. And one of the main things they always said was that it's a good idea to take breaks from even thinking about your gender and just concentrate on developing unrelated hobbies that will distract you for a while and to remember skills and abilities you have that totally transcend that question. I don't know if that's advice that would be helpful for you, but I know that with my depression concentrating on my hobbies helps me to not ruminate as much. Take good care!