QT: Why is bigoted/violence to misgender someone, but mandatory to missex them?

submitted by SnowAssMan from self.GCdebatesQT

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[–]loveSloaneDebate King 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I agree mostly, but I think if someone uses pronouns solely based on sex, them finding out someone is trans makes the switch to sexually accurate pronouns pretty natural. I can’t help but make the switch, even if I was surprised to find out someone is trans, I have information now I didn’t have before, and that information changed my understanding of their sex. I do think if this was someone I knew irl I’d either extend the kindness of using the same pronouns or at least switch to neutral ones, but in my head, and likely when referring to them elsewhere, it would be more work to continue to use those pronouns. That’s just me obviously, can’t speak for others.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I guess I can understand if that is how they thing about it automatically. I’m not sure if most people are like that though. I feel like if I knew anyone for very long, I’d probably be sort of stuck in how I think of them, even if I could do different pronouns, it would take effort. When I think about this type of misgendering, I think of religious people who were like distant relatives or friends of my parents we knew when I was very young who would like trip all over themselves trying to misgender me, but would often mess it up. It came off as really weird and forced to me, plus they would add extra gendered honorifics to make sure you knew they were misgendering you. I would always be super, super nice to them because it seemed like the best way to handle it. My brothers actually got upset it a few times, but it didn’t really bother me. It just seemed weird though and I didn’t understand why it would be so important to someone to let me know they didn’t approve of me. They weren’t gender critical my any stretch, just anti-trans.

[–]loveSloaneDebate King 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think what you’re describing is just rude and spiteful. I guess I’m thinking more like someone who makes the switch subconsciously (me). I could also understand someone who switches intentionally, because they’re strictly gc and they don’t want to compromise their views, I agree that’s something that would require effort that’s probably not worth it to most people lol, but still think in either circumstance, if someone won’t use preferred pronouns, the best compromise would be sticking to neutral pronouns. I try to do that here. But I know I’ve slipped with some people.

[–]peakingatthemomentTranssexual (natal male), HSTS 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Rude and spiteful is probably right.

I know that’s not you. Talking with you here, I feel like you’d be doing whatever you did because of how you saw them and not just to be mean. If someone subconsciously switched that is probably fine. When I was actually in real-life trans communities, I would occasionally misgender on accident because of how read someone’s sex so I could imagine you doing that if sex in the abstract really changed how you thought of a person. I don’t know I’d handle finding out later someone was trans (not like coming out as trans, but passing so well I didn’t know) when I thought they were just the opposite sex. I feel kind of cheated I’ve never had that happen lol (that I know of). I know things to look for so I’m much more likely to counterclockwise someone who isn’t than not notice someone is trans.

If someone wants to use sex-based because they are strictly GC, I guess that’s fine, although they shouldn’t be mad if trans people don’t want to spend time with them. If it’s like a political statement or something done for others watching, maybe it wouldn’t be necessary to do it all the time?

Anyway, sorry for the slow response. Your approach seems fine. :)

[–]MarkTwainiac 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

religious people

Again, this seems to be the crux of the issue.