I hate being female-- probably as much as any transman would.

I hate being short, hate being weak, hate being more vulnerable to rapists/attackers (it's so easy for a man to do, it's ridiculous), hate being prone to body-fat gain, hate periods. I despise my skin (acne in adulthood more common in women), hate the accompanying gastro-intestinal problems that coincide with menstruation, hate the autoimmune diseases that are often found in women, hate the fact it is probable that I will get Alzheimers or some systemic disease when I'm older and still hang on for YEARS until finally dying (as is common in women). Men generally seem to get "lucky" in that they get sick and die quickly. Women tend to get tortured with more sick years, and often are impoverished in old age as well. There's so much to being female that is so wrong that I almost believe there is a god-- and he's a raging narcissistic psychopath who hates women.

Periods themselves-- now mine is OK compared to most women's. I exercise a lot, which I think helps. Regardless, I know so many women who have issues with nonstop bleeding, menstrual migraines, endometriosis, PCOS, etc, it's not even funny. And when these same women go to the doctor, they get dismissed and told to take an antidepressant. This is one reason why I am puzzled at self-ID laws. Why would a man want present himself as a woman when he has a health issue-- only to be dismissed by the physician? That's what doctors do to many women-- they ignore their complaints until they become so advanced that extreme measures are needed.

None of the bad aspects of being female can be wiped away via some self-imposed re-gendering of oneself. A man can still rape and impregnate a pre-surgical "transman". Calling oneself "trans" doesn't wipe away a born-females disadvantages, just as calling oneself "trans" as a bio-male doesn't wipe away one's male advantages.

I hate the fact I was born into a family that hates females.

Childbirth was meh, surprisingly not as bad in itself as most people experience it. I'm assuming I'm an outlier. Had very few complications from pregnancy, child was healthy, my mood was pretty good all things considered, had no problems nursing.

Having a child, however, is a total life destroyer for a woman in terms of upward mobility, education, economic opportunities. Friends, partners, family don't help when it comes to bettering yourself-- if anything, people use your motherhood to whip you "back in your place". "How could you be so SELFISH and leave your precious BABY to consider go back to SCHOOL/to work longer hours/to seek a promotion, you selfish horrible woman!"-- that kind of bullshit. That "motherhood" crap is a huge weight that pushes you into the ground. Family likes to hoover and dictate and smother and criticize and ridicule mothers. Loving my kid doesn't change the reality that motherhood is a burden that destroys women's lives unless they already make bank or have plenty of "fuck you" money lying around. No one will ever change my mind about that.

If I could turn back time and be born a male, with all the associated privileges that they often don't even recognize they possess, I would do it in a heartbeat... but I'm a realist. That's not possible. I also know full transition isn't possible. I know that anatomy isn't something to mess about with. Hormone treatments I've had via birth control pills and a brief stint on topical estrogen wrecked me... I had nothing but bad side effects. Steroids I've taken for skin related problems or post pneumonia also messed me up. Many people simply can't handle synthetic hormones without bad side effects. Science doesn't have the ability to change chromosomes, to make one grow to male height, to surgically implant a realistic penis. Surgical interventions in themselves are risky and open up the possibility of scarring, fistulas, infection, sepsis.