Just me whining

submitted by [deleted] from self.whatever

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[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

This was your father? Yet you maintain a close relationship with him independent of your extended family?

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I mean, they used to hit us as kids, mom used to break her wooden spoons over us, dad would pull out the belt, but that was typical punishment of the time. My older brother was the violent problem. I think beating me was cathartic for him. It kept going until he tried to kill me over a thing of salsa. Broke a chair over me (plastic, the third one I think over the years), and I pulled a knife. Last time he ever did that shit, he knows I'll defend myself with lethal force.

My complaint about everyone else, and to this day, is that they saw/see it as normal behavior. Brothers fight. And they do. This was some ultra-violence shit though. And I guarantee they would never tolerate someone doing that to their kids.

It's a long time ago, fuck it, but I think they actually triggered a PTSD episode. I went fucking nuts till I got nice and drunk.

Yet you maintain a close relationship with him independent of your extended family?

My father isn't a bad person, he's actually one of the most decent people I have ever met. He was working all the time while this was happening. I mean, he ain't winning any parent of the year awards, but it wasn't an easy situation for anyone.

And my brother moved an hour away, he isn't talking to me currently -- actually ran away from my parent's house with a quickness the last time I was there. Makes me smile to think about. I don't know if he thinks he's punishing me but it works out really well for me. He won't come over for holidays, so I got rid of him there voluntarily.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I mean, they used to hit us as kids, mom used to break her wooden spoons over us, dad would pull out the belt, but that was typical punishment of the time.

Sorry, but I'm not that much younger than you. Typical (IMO still unethical) punishment is spanking, not getting beaten with objects, even if it was somewhat more accepted back in the day.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I'm like 30% older!

[–]jet199Instigatrix 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Your father is likely a narcissist which means he puts on a goodguy persona because it makes him feel big but anytime the mask slips or his ego is poked he goes into rages. That's why domestic abusers can have a Jekyll and Hyde appearance, their families think their rages are like something else has possessed them but actually that's closer to the real personality.

Your brother is also a product of his environment and parents with personality disorders will often play their children off against each other.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I think we all may be narcissists. The family motto is "I'm always right." No joke, and I didn't even grow up around my family. It just occurs to us naturally.

I am fairly certain my brother has only ever experienced brief moments of empathy, I think generally he sees everything not only as a narcissist but as a psychopath. Shame he isn't a CEO.