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[–]Vulptex[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I promise you that you don't actually know that

I do, because I suffer from lots of permanent conditions.

In other words, from a universal perspective, those suffering the most are absolutely equally necessary to the equation of life as are those who are the happiest. Without the sufferers like you, there is no balance.

Fuck balance then.

I would find myself doing things that weren't "me"

I get that too, and I think it's because of the matrix's mind control system. We have the illusion of choice, but in reality even our own thoughts are moderated by outsiders.

you'll find a beauty that I believe to be unavailable to those who have never suffered as you have. The suffering makes the beauty found through it significantly more powerful and meaningful.

Every single time I think I'm about to, it disappears.

[–]NodeThis is my flair. There are many like it, but this one is mine. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Every single time I think I'm about to [find a beauty that I believe to be unavailable to those who have never suffered as you have], it disappears.

Same happens when you're looking for some object you've lost. Until you finally find it. Sometimes you don't, or it takes years, but it usually turns up at some point.