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[–]Node 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

the fact that my emotional and perceptive baseline sucks alone is enough to ruin everything.

I don't know enough about that to address it specifically. People underestimate how much they can change their "lived experience", but it can seem unrealistic until you do so.

If you had the funds and a strong desire, I'd send you off to do CBT, NLP, or something similar. These can be more of an art than a standard procedure, and the qualities of the patient/practitioner relationship can be critical.

Anyway, hope this becomes less of a problem for you in the future.