‘I just assumed it would happen’: the unspoken grief of childless men

submitted by boston_blackie from theguardian.com

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[–]Ludditebardd 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I always wanted kids. Social ineptitude and and a series of bad relationships led to 7 years of not even touching a woman in my late 20s and early 30s. I met a wonderful woman and finally got married. My wife never wanted kids, but she had a daughter before we met, and she had her tubes tied afterwards. My stepdaughter is wonderful, but she doesn't want kids either. I will live a good and meaningful life regardless. But I am resigned to dying before my wife or dying alone.

Men dont express pain often, but talking about things like this in a civilized manner is the right thing to do. It gives future generations the perspective of those that made choices that affect them through to old age. Maybe some will learn from these mistakes and think more clearly about what they want, and how to get it. Thanks to all the comments belittling the issue.

[–]boston_blackie[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for saying that.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau

[–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love Thoreau, but as a man who's had such a busy life, I dream of that day of quiet out in my cabin in the woods.

[–]IkeConn 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Plenty of post 30 wall women out there. Get some.

[–]boston_blackie[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Forgive me for asking - What's a wall woman? EDIT: OK Got it.

[–]Canbot 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Not of child bearing age.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Most kids are born to mothers in their 30s now.

[–]iamonlyoneman 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

skill issue

[–]UncleWillard56 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

“I met family after family. There were children everywhere,” he remembered. “It was terrible. Just so painful. So many ambushes and triggers for my anguish.”

This is where it lost me. This idea that you're triggered because you can't handle normalcy is troubling. I get the guy regrets not having kids, I truly do, but there are a lot of things that don't just happen to you. You don't get rich by sitting on your ass wishing for it. You don't get a degree for free. Your lawn won't mow itself. I hate to be a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kinda person, but there is some truth to that.

Maybe it's just this article and the way the author framed it and this guy is just saying he regrets having kids, but it sounds like he's saying, "will you please all just stay inside. Your happiness is triggering for me."