all 5 comments

[–]lovelyspearmint 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think it's the fact that we don't have to do things a certain way to attract male attention/be palatable to potential male suitors (dress/behave/speak a certain way), which frees us up to do things that are more comfortable to us, ergo we do things as men would, as they don't have some of the limitations straight women do. At least that's the way I see it.

[–]paleolithicat 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's definitely an interesting take on it. But I think men are also not completely free of limitations as they try to cater to women. Being cocky for example is a trait I'd connect with masculinity. Funnily, I sort of enjoy it in women and not at all in men (probably it really is innately connected to attraction).

[–]paleolithicat 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think I got compared to males more frequently while I was closeted. Or maybe I cared more then. Probably somewhere in between.

I think on an unconscious level it was sort of comforting for me not to show a feminine side because being "girly" was considered as "doing it solely to attract males" and it invited all sorts of dumb sexist comments and opinions. When I came to terms with my sexuality, it had the side effect that I embraced my own femininity much, much, much more and stopped caring that it attracts males. I know women find it hot, as well, so why would I suppress my female sensuality because of men?

I still get it sometimes but I also think I have a more aggressive and upfront personality which is traditionally connected to male behaviour so it doesn't surprise me.

[–]whateverbeaver 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Wow, are you me? I was never "butch" per se or even a tomboy, but man did I get more "feminine" when I came out, for the exact same reasons. It was like, you like wearing mascara? Then wear it. That doesn't mean you're telling the world you're straight, it means you like wearing mascara :)

[–]whateverbeaver 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ehh, not so much for me personally. I mean it was never "you're like a dude", but if it was anything it was more like "you're not girly enough because xyz". And usually though, this was because the person suspected I was gay and was bullying me. I am femme, and most think I'm the "typical girl". Not super girly, but like your average hetero female lol. I think what people have noticed about me is I have a maturity and confidence straight and bisexual women my age and even far older don't possess--and this has gotten me tagged as a lesbian once or twice.