Latebloomerlesbians once again...

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[–]Hydiee 35 insightful - 24 fun35 insightful - 23 fun36 insightful - 24 fun -  (0 children)

What recently made you conclude you are a lesbian/queer?: I've never been with a woman. I am physically attracted to men. I love being held by a man, feeling his arms, chest and the nape of his neck. My crushes on men are intense and passionate. I enjoy sex with men and I'm terrified of losing my attraction to them.

Yep. Undoubtedly a lesbian.

[–]lovelyspearmint 29 insightful - 5 fun29 insightful - 4 fun30 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

So a straight woman who fetishes lesbians. Got it.

[–]yousaythosethings 10 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Word for word what I was going to say. Damn.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    yes! I learnt that I was attracted to women because I had crushes on girls when I was a teenager and then other women as an adult, and I learnt I was physically attracted to women because I've done things with them and enjoyed those things. I think it's so silly that people will figure out some kind of hypothetical sexuality based off some kooky stuff they read in a google doc. Like, if you're not sure, then meet some people and find out!

    [–]WildwoodFlower 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    But they ALWAYS have a boyfriend or a husband that they won't break it off with. The guy is supposed to just go along with his wife's/ girlfriend's "lesbianism". Ditto for any female partner that this woman manages to find.

    [–]yousaythosethings 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Good observation. That is definitely a way in which I could tell so many there were different from me. As an LBL, I was in an endless cycle of getting close to women, falling for them, not understanding my feelings, freaking out, and running away. So many missed opportunities in my past. I don't know how much of that I shared on r/LBL when I was first there a while ago but it took me a while to realize that what I assumed was going on for these women behind the scenes outside of what they shared was often not the case. "I just watched Tik Tok at 34 and realized girls are hot and that I've been in bad relationships" was a common narrative. Like I would naturally assume that a woman was drawn there because she had very real actual attraction to specific women in their lives at least at some point, but nothing surprises me now.

    [–]FlanJam 20 insightful - 8 fun20 insightful - 7 fun21 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

    I love being held by a man, feeling his arms, chest and the nape of his neck.

    How can you write this and think you're a lesbian??????????

    [–][deleted] 16 insightful - 3 fun16 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    So she likes good genuine relationships with men that value love?

    I'd imagine most straight women would lol

    [–]Lizzythelezzo 12 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 4 fun -  (6 children)

    I've noticed a significant uptick in posts like this on r/latebloomerlesbians in the last month or two. I often notice comments saying "it's okay to be bisexual" and the OP will keep insisting she is lesbian despite no evidence to support it.

    [–]SickOfThisShitNow 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    Why does everyone want to identify as a lesbian? It's not like actual lesbians are popular. In fact, a lot of people who want to identify as lesbians seem to hate us. We're the wrong kind of lesbian that isn't attracted to men/people with penises.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Lizzythelezzo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      It seems that lesbian has been redefined as a bisexual woman who prefers dating women, rather than someone exclusively attracted to women. I get the impression that people also think that using the label bisexual means "woman who is into both sexes but prefers dating men/only dates men".

      [–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      They don’t know actual lesbians, become obsessed with Tik Tok, r/AL, Internet-only lesbian memes, follow celesbians on Instagram, and then just stan the girldick.

      [–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I’m more surprised that there’s pushback in the comments. I had a women in there freak out on me last week because I suggested that if a so-called LBL comes out as and accepts herself as a lesbian and then is having passionate and enjoyable sex with men or seeking out sex with men because she’s bored and horny, then just maybe there is something off with her “identity.”

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]yousaythosethings 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

        You rang? u/lovelyspearmint got my assessment of this lady to a T: This appears to be a straight woman who fetishizes/fantasizes about lesbians. There's a lot I can point to, but to me it's most notable that she doesn't check out women IRL. I try not to be an obvious creep but I am checking out women all day every day and I have since I was young. I never check out men ever. I can't even bring my eyes to focus on men at all unless they seem off or like they pose a danger. To me, that means she has no homosexual attraction IRL and that her only attraction to women is to this fantasy in her head. In this context, masturbation fantasies mean nothing IMO. Like she possibly just watches or used to watch lesbian porn to get off. Many straight women do because straight porn these days is very unappealing to straight women.

        I commented elsewhere in this thread about the lack of specifics in this so-called LBL's attraction to women. She doesn't appear to have ever been attracted to a woman in the flesh or had any crushes on women. For me, my attraction to women was always there and I acknowledged it to some degree since I was a teenager. For a multitude of reasons not just comphet, I was stuck on "yea but everyone feels that way, I just feel it a little stronger, so this is just normal and doesn't make me gay." So yea I constantly found specific women attractive IRL and in media, and that was just a given that I wouldn't let myself question.

        So I think it would make more sense to have a delayed realization that your complicated feelings toward a woman you already found attractive was specifically a crush. At least that's how it was for me. It took me a while to figure out that the cycle I kept repeating in my life was having crushes on women. It was constantly feeling out of place among women, finding a woman I connected with, getting close, getting my feelings mixed up and not understanding them, then running away when I felt too strongly. The pattern started with one of my best friends in high school, though we never stopped being friends.

        When I came out it was largely driven by my strong feelings toward two women I knew IRL (both lesbians). So to make it to a stage where you would call yourself a "late-blooming" lesbian I really think you would have probably found somewhere to deposit your feelings of attraction by now. Just maybe. I’m curious how old she is.

        [–]Athelhilda2 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        I don't really notice anyone in real life, although in all fairness I've always been a bit of a loner. Perhaps this person is the same?

        [–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Aren’t you still trying to figure out if you experience sexual attraction at all and if you’re asexual though?