[meta]What is the main reason you withhold from participating in lesbian forums?

submitted by [deleted] from (self.Lesbians)

So now that we're a pretty well established saidit community, I think now is a good time for me to make a post I've been sitting on until the waters calm from the mass migration. I noticed in the reintroduction thread, quite a few people mentioned that they were lurkers on reddit. And if you'll glance over at our sidebar, you will see that the users participating and the amount of readers is quite a numerical discrepancy. In fact, it may only be slightly better mathematically than TrueLesbians was. Idk though, math's not my forte. I always figured the lack of participation on TL had to do with the hostility of reddit. While this place isn't perfect, at least it's against the rules to deliberately troll and be a dickhead set out on causing disruption because you don't like certain people.

I'm sure some of our reader count is trolls, hate readers, bots, members who don't even log on very much, or whatever else. Just curious if anyone is waiting for an opportunity to throw in.

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[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Why don't you talk about LGB issues and stories? I'm not being critical, just making a suggestion. I feel you about the non-stop trans talk. It's important, but it's nothing new 90% of the time.

    The fact that we all have diverse backgrounds, beliefs, experiences, and opinions is what's supposed to create discussion, not impede it. At least in my opinion. In my ideal world, being lesbians and talking about our differences would be just as welcoming as agreeing with each other.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    You know, I kind of wonder if we should try to have a separately active s/LGB and and keep s/LGBdroptheT for trans stuff. Right now the latter is a mix of the two purposes, but I think it might be better to separate the two for this reason.

    [–]Innisfree 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yet at the same time, it gets tiresome when a lesbian forum (or an LGB forum) is all about dropping the T.

    Yes.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    L chat is awful

    [–][deleted] 13 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 6 fun14 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

    I would comment every so often of TL when it went away I was bummed. You ladies are great so now you all have to deal with me participating as punishment for being awesome.

    The one time I left a comment on, what my wife calls, “non actual lesbians” it got me hate mail in my in box for 3 days was enough to show me I never wanted to do that again since you can’t fix stupid.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 14 insightful - 5 fun14 insightful - 4 fun15 insightful - 5 fun -  (6 children)

    I am not sure how representative I am of lurkers, to be honest. But I can share my perspective.

    I do not like social media. I did not even intend to join Reddit, a friend coaxed me on by showing me all the beautiful nature pictures on r/EarthPorn, lol. Eventually I made an account just to vote, and not comment, because I felt like nothing I had to say could possibly be as important, interesting or worthwhile as the comments I was reading. I also kinda just felt (and still feel somewhat) anxious about the idea of participating, because then it's like I have to keep doing it. Even though logically I know I don't.

    I never commented in TL because:

    • I found Tumblr first, and was brainwashed with anti-TERF rhetoric. I did not even subscribe because I felt guilty lol, but I started reading TL because it was the only place that had actual lesbians and that intrigued me. It also felt relatable in ways that AL never did (e.g. I fucking HATE all the posts about "tiddies XD" on Tumblr and the AL-adjavent subs).

    • Same reasons as why I never commented on any subreddit.

    • I felt like I would be targeted by other reddit users

    • I knew less about the whole trans debate and still wasn't quite sure what a "TERF" even was. Was worried I wasn't "TERF-y" enough for TL users, or that I would be a bigot for agreeing with them.

    I started reading more about gender theory and slowly came to realize that it was an ideology, not founded in empirical evidence or even logically consistent claims. The breaking point for me was admitting to myself that I thought dicks were disgusting, and I just didn't want to date a man. I had known for a while that I didn't want to date men, but I didn't explicitly acknowledge it to myself. I have a ton of hangups with the word "lesbian", and coming to terms with that has been a whole thing. I ended up reading TL regularly because the whole claim "you HAVE to like transwomen dick if you're a lesbian" really scared me, and TL fought that.

    Then, a couple weeks later, TL got banned. I was like WTF, I wasn't done reading this sub, so I followed you guys to saidit and decided to make "just one" introductory post, because I thought it would be good for me to try to interact with other lesbians, because I know like none in real life.

    I did NOT expect to like commenting this much. Wtf. It's like I can't stop. Can someone turn this thing off?!? I think this is my cue to go take a break, lol.

    [–]CJLez 16 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 5 fun -  (5 children)

    I fucking HATE all the posts about "tiddies XD" on Tumblr and the AL-adjavent subs

    But I is a smol girl. Such useless lesbian. Is me. I useless.

    It got old. Quickly.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

    Ok how did the word "smol" even get started? Why is this a thing? It is one more letter to spell "small". Is the 'o' supposed to be cuter than an 'a'? I feel like I should know these things, but I never pay attention lol, even though I do not have the excuse of age since I am young.

    Also, "useless lesbian" if someone's trying to talk about the interesting phenomenon of women struggling to approach each other-- fair. Worth talking about. But I am not useless, thank you. I can.. do my taxes, and complain on the internet.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    More like gutless lesbian. But they would rather seem inept than scared.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Well I don't mind if people feel scared, it's ok if they feel intimidated, we can all talk about how women are socialized to not approach if people want to. It is sad that people feel safer putting themselves down as inept. Misogyny at play.

    [–]Dravidian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    NEar every time I've seen that kind of meme it was by a trans woman, so, take this as you will...

    [–]florasis 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I discovered true lesbian just a short time before the ban I stayed away from actual lesbians and shit because it was about trans, not lesbians. And their post made me cringe. Then I discovered true lesbians and was so great to see so many mature and interesting posts. Felt at home for first time.

    [–]Poppy29252 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Mostly I don't have anything interesting to say to people who don't know me.

    [–]VioletRemi 11 insightful - 4 fun11 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    Answering the question in topic name - I went few times on Reddit, but I saw there only /r/Lesbians and later /r/ActualLesbians. And, well, those were not lesbian places as for me, so I moved on. When I found /r/TrueLesbians, in few weeks it was banned.

    I am not very often sitting on forums nowadays, as I don't have too much time or will to do so.

    [–]Coolbogan 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm a virgin and never been in a relationship so there's a lot of topics I just don't have anything to contribute to.

    [–]VioletRemi 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    You always can ask! Curiocity is our greatest gift.

    [–]LesFi 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    I'm extremely closeted because of the country I live in, so I barely have any experience in lesbianism lol. I just don't feel like I have anything to contribute other than lamenting about my horribly homophobic country, which is just a depressing and rather unhelpful thing to do most of the time. So yea, I don't wanna bum y'all and myself out, so I just lurk to live vicariously through the experiences of the forums' posters while I'm still stuck here

    [–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Is it outlawed where you live? Here it was not outlawed (for most of the time), but society was really hateful.

    [–]LesFi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah. Up to 15 years imprisonment iirc. No one dares be open about being gay so you don't really hear about people going to jail for it, but society also heavily shuns it and you occasionally hear about a gay guy being beat up (sometimes to death) for instance

    [–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    That is harsh. Here imprisontment laws were canceled when I was around seven years old. People were still really hateful, thought. I got my handful of beating, scars on face and hands are still there. However, nowadays I am semi-out, people in general not really liking this fact, but at least no more violence. I am hoping your society will be changed like mine here with time (took them 25 or so years!).

    [–]welp 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    I was with men from 15 to 39 and only discovered who I really am at almost 40. It's been a couple years but I only had one real girlfriend. I feel like it's not my place still?

    I'm very happy for my 12 year old daughter that has a girlfriend and is learning piano to serenade her though. I'll just live vicariously through her little gay heart for now.

    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Do you feel attracted to other women? Only women? Congratulations, you are now qualified to comment anything you want. Anything you think, feel, say, and do are just as valid as anyone else. As long as you are a biological woman attracted to only other biological women, you have a voice. I want to hear that voice.

    [–]Innisfree 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I think people would love to hear your story and your insights.

    And it must be quite rare that a mother and a daughter can share such an aspect of life. My mom always feels self-conscious talking about my personal life - she feels as a straight woman she won't understand, which I think is not true. As a result we often awkwardly skirt around this part of my life - so both of us lose out in a way. I often wonder how it would be to not have that awkwardness and I hope your relationship with your daughter is so much richer because you can talk about things.

    PS: apologies if this comes across as intrusive, pls ignore :)

    [–]CJLez 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    I used to lurk on TL - I just didn't want to deal with the hate PMs that people got for posting there so I never commented.

    Obviously we're still followed and tracked over here but not to such an extent.

    [–]Innisfree 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (23 children)

    Besides the fact that I used to be swamped at work there was the bigness problem.

    When I looked at the 15,000 subscribers on TL first I thought no way these are all lesbians and second: well its just sooo many people. And by the time I'd log on I could find my ideas in what the other users already said. So I stuck to up-voting.

    [–]florasis 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    15000 doesn't seem many to me at all.

    [–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Probably not, but when it comes to reddit I admit I'm biased.

    [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (20 children)

    Do you feel it's more important to upvote and silently agree, or counter others in a civil discussion? In your opinion, which one of these actions would be most beneficial to promoting a fair representation of the diverse beliefs of the community? Personally, I think voting systems only create the illusion that those who speak the most represent the consensus of the community.

    That being said, I'm not criticizing anyone for contributing what they have the time, interest, and energy for. My intent isn't to shake all the lurkers out with pressure.

    [–]Innisfree 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (19 children)

    I am absolutely for contributing to keep a civil discussion going by having many diverse perspectives.

    I don't know how many people upvote because they agree 100% with the post or because they feel that their slightly different opinion wouldn't be interesting to others. If it's the latter, I'd like to say to them that I'm interested however slightly their opinion differs.

    Also I remember back when actual lesbians was, well lesbian, I was a baby dyke and felt I didn't have enough experiences to contribute. Plus for me there's the cultural context, I used to feel that I might say sth that where I'm from is a widely held belief, but might leave people from other countries puzzled at best.

    So my lessons learned are to keep the above things in mind and maybe be a bit more curious about culturally contextualising perspectives.

    [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

    I'd like to say to them that I'm interested however slightly their opinion differs.

    Same here man. I love conversation. I think the lack of conversation is making it easier to shut down our spaces and infiltrate and destroy our online communities. This isn't as pronounced of a problem for men because 1. other men don't keep them in check and attack them as much as other women do to us and 2. gay men push back hard and in large numbers.

    I worry that some members feel discouraged to post because they don't have the energy to defend their point of view. The way everything spins into ad hominem attacks and loses the central point, I don't blame them. As long as we stay relevant to the purpose of our community, being same sex attracted human females who won't debate the meaning of that, we should be able to talk about the other ways that it impacts our lives without it becoming a war over even some of the most minor differences.

    [–]Innisfree 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

    I share your concern. Given this forum is still evolving there's an opportunity for us to create a better culture of conversation/debate. We can be more proactive in calling out derailing or just gently remind of some standards of debate to cool the atmosphere. I sure will try (even if I'm a softie :) )

    But there are limitations to this approach: few users interested in these types of discussions and different timezones.

    Now to open up your point 1 a bit: I think we need to make allowances for the fact that here we have people from different religious, social and economic backgrounds and ages. And crucially, we are a community that is well, forgive me - vulnerable, and a lot of people have if not traumas, then too many negative experiences. This is inspired by u/reluctant_commenter mentioning we need to meet people where they're at.

    I worry that some members feel discouraged to post because they don't have the energy to defend their point of view.

    I think we can save them that energy by investing our own in going the extra mile when opening a discussion. I put down some takeaways for myself after the last deleted thread:

    1. Make the language simple and accessible
    2. Be impersonal in arguments, discuss ideas not people
    3. Explain why I think the way I do
    4. Voice my intention for the discussion (set tone)
    5. Address common/expected counterarguments, 'anxieties' before opening discussion.

    Not that this wasn't done then, just sth I feel I need to do to avoid being misunderstood. You can call that pusyfooting if you like, as long as it works :)

    PS. I feel I will soon be banned from here for the length of my posts, but I care about this damn it! :D

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    You better not get banned! I'm having a swell time talking with you.

    I love the idea of using guidelines. Too many times, I've seen topics get derailed due to no fault of the commenter because something wasn't made clear enough in intent. I've also had some good talks with RC. Maybe we can work on this together.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Shucks, y'all are making me blush :') Hell yeah we've had some good talks! I really appreciated your enthusiasm on that one thread Strictly posted the other day, btw. It's nice to see other people so interested in talking about stuff.

    Sure, I'd love to work on something related to this with you guys! Thinking about a post, FAQ/sidebar guide or something?

    [–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm having a swell time talking with you.

    Right back at you :)

    Beautiful thought on collab. Would love to hear u/reluctant_commenter thoughts on this. I'm sure mods could help find a place on here for a few sound guidelines.

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I'm keeping an eye on this post. Thank you u/CunningandKnave for this!

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    I know some are not interested and I actually may ask permission to borrow their language. But these are some of the guidelines of Ovarit and they echo some of your sentiments:

    "Be decent to one another This site exists to uplift women. Treat each other with basic courtesy and respect. Don’t escalate disagreements into fights. Debate ideas, don’t insult or personally attack members. There are many ways to miscommunicate through text-based mediums, so give others the benefit of the doubt when possible. Avoid treating people worse than you would in a face-to-face conversation. Remember that there is a person behind the words.

    Vote for content based on its quality Vote up on content that adds value to the circle and should be seen by others. Vote down on content that doesn’t add value to the circle or doesn’t belong in it. Avoid voting down on content just because you disagree with it. Avoid voting for links based on their titles if you haven’t read them yet."

    [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    There are many ways to miscommunicate through text-based mediums, so give others the benefit of the doubt when possible.

    I think this is a very important thing to point out. I can't tell you how many times I've written up a post, scanned it numerous times and corrected tone here and there, and then ultimately deleted it because I thought it may be verbose and not convey my point. I also have gotten into trouble multiple times due to sarcasm, but to be fair quite a few of those times were when I was new on reddit and didn't know about the /s indicator.

    I honestly wish we'd all migrate over there. I know that not everyone is up for changing mediums constantly, but at this point I feel like a nomad that nobody wants around and I'm used to it. Besides, I think Ovarit is more native to those of us coming here from reddit.

    [–]yayblueberries 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

    Not everybody is coming here from Reddit, though. And I've really appreciate the positive tone and us talking to each other about being lesbians and about women. I wandered over to Ovarit recently, and it just looks like another anti-male radfem bitchfest. I'm not into it. I don't think about men and their pps and how much I hate them all the time like some women.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    You don't have to participate in any of that. We have our own sub there, for lesbian discussion only.

    [–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    This is beautifully worded and comprehensive. I'm saving this.

    Thank you!

    [–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

    P.S. I feel I will soon be banned from here for the length of my posts, but I care about this damn it! :D

    Me every time I post, lol.

    And crucially, we are a community that is well, forgive me - vulnerable, and a lot of people have if not traumas, then too many negative experiences.

    Thank you, I really appreciate your thinking about that. I think about it a lot, and it really is something particularly important for lesbians. We are like, one of the most at-risk demographic groups for health issues, having a history of abuse, etc. And that stuff plays out in how people approach conversations; I never want to scare people away.

    I like your five suggestions, I feel like those are really good rules for having a successful post even in general. It's funny, I realized as I read your list, I constantly overthink how I present my arguments, out of habit.. because of past experiences. But anyway.

    Anyway. I think you are right, there is a lot of chance at the beginning to start up some good common habits, in a way that would be more difficult with a much larger community.

    [–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    I want to read more stories and experiences. I hope I can see more lesbians sharing their thoughts and feelings even if they're difficult. I have personally experienced extreme trauma. It's another of many burning rings to jump through when piecing together a community for us. Hell, I've come a long way to be saying what I think so openly. I literally never even wanted to comment, but I slowly and bit by bit said more and more and sought more and more opinions and experiences. I fucking love how I don't knee-jerk at anything anymore. I only "knee-jerk" at something I perceive to be removed from female sexuality in a space for female homosexuals.

    [–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Oh, I relate so much to what both RC and you say.

    And in light of that, I've taken the liberty to put together my points with the write-up from Ovarit that MF so kindly provided as well as just generally what i learned from you:

    Title : Guidelines for constructive debate (or sth :) )

    To create a space where we can learn from and uplift each other please refer to the best practices below:

    1. Keep the language simple and accessible

    2. Debate ideas, don’t insult or personally attack members.

    3. Provide the reasoning behind your argument: personal observations, references, sources, etc. when relevant

    4. Try to address in good faith possible concerns about your argument

    5. When initiating a discussion, state what you hope it will achieve

    6. There are many ways to miscommunicate through text-based mediums, so give others the benefit of the doubt when possible.

    7. Help each other conduct the conversation in a constructive manner: keep the tone friendly and try to address any undue hostility when you see it.

    8. Vote up on content that adds value to the conversation and should be seen by others.

    Now, I entirely defer on the wording to you and RC and also if you want to remove/add any points, or just scrap the whole thing - absolutely go for it. Personally I'm not sure about point 7.

    edit: spelling, my Achilles heel; and formatting

    [–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    I'm on board with all of these! Especially a fan of #6.

    For 5: Maybe "When initiating a discussion, consider stating what you hope it will achieve"-- just because sometimes posts are very casual. E.g. CunningAndKnave's shitpost from a little while ago, lol.

    [–]Innisfree 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Sounds great. And, agree about point 5, much better with "consider" in. Thanks!

    So yeah, u/CunningAndKnave back to you :)

    [–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    We are like, one of the most at-risk demographic groups for health issues, having a history of abuse, etc. And that stuff plays out in how people approach conversations; I never want to scare people away.

    This is close to my heart as well. I can't fix my past, but I wish i could do sth for someone who is going though the same issues. As little as hearing them out.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    You know-- since we're talking about meta-level stuff, organization of the sub and whatnot. I've kind of wondered if it might make sense to make some sort of dedicated space for like, instances of homophobia and trauma-related stuff. I'm really curious to hear the experience of people here on those subjects, but I'd feel bad for pulling the overall vibe in such a negative direction. I really like how wholesome people and posts are here, I don't want to put a damper on that, you know? But at the same time, it's important stuff.

    [–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Jeez, it's like we're sharing a brain now :). In my first reply to you i almost gave in to the impulse of opening a discussion about how we can address trauma-related experiences. But you make an excellent point, elsewhere a young user also said they don't even read negative posts as they have it hard as it is. So, perhaps we can wait a bit until we have a few more active users who can contribute and say, even counterbalance any trauma-related discussions with more positive content. But I'll think on it more... :)

    [–]It-Do-Be-Like-That 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    For me it was mostly the hostility over on reddit. Several years back I had an issue with an ex stalking me, since then I deleted almost everything that links me online and haven’t really put myself back out there. I got used to being quiet. The idea of being doxxed over my sexual orientation kept me quiet longer, honestly.

    [–]disheveledtomboy 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    TrueLesbians was a forum I visited maybe once a week on reddit. I don't think I had more than a couple posts there on my reddit account. The reason why I didn't post was more of a sense that it felt like it was a really young crowd there, and I'm several decades removed from "I like a girl, HALP" posts. It seemed to be a place for 16-25 year olds, and I felt commenting there would be intruding on them? Most of the time women responded to their posts and gave good advice, and out of habit I don't really post unless I have something else to add (across all forums really). I mostly just read. :/

    AL and LA were alienating from the get go for me due to the MtFs and Older Lesbians was a very slowwwwwwwww forum. Actually laughed at one of the posts here where someone asked if this forum is dead after only being live after one month. Compared to OL, this forum is pretty damn active.

    Does it really matter how many concurrent users are here as long as women are participating?

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It seems some missed what I meant by "lesbian forums." I meant LESBIAN, biological female homosexual, forums lol. So TL, here, or wherever else we know is not about memes and unlearning our vagitarianism.

    I don't think it would be intrusive to comment. I know everyone isn't me, but as a highly lost and newly lesbianing woman I would greatly enjoy anything people are willing to share. I love knowing what it's like from many different perspectives, negative and positive.

    About the active vs total users, well, I think it could be possible some new members see this and think it's not a good place to talk about anything. For example, there are a lot of comments on this post saying that they feel irrelevant somehow, and that saddens me a bit. I'm trying to see if we can improve our communities in any little way so every lesbian can get the best out of it, and if that's by only reading and voting that's cool. I'm curious as to whether anyone is withholding for some reason.

    [–]Shroomba 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I don't partcipate much, especially back in TL days, because oftentimes commenters would already have said my thoughts on the subject. Or I just didn't feel like sharing my thoughts-not that they would be particularly controversial-and being criticized I suppose. There's something exceptionally offputting about clashing with fellow lesbians as opposed to the general internet population. Being a minority of opinion within a minority and all.

    [–]Gacho666 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Assuming that the forum is really lesbian and not bi, pansexual or trans, I am only prevented by the language barrier 😁

    [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    I have controversial opinions and it's not a matter of framing them correctly.

    [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    same here on the controversial opinions and the lack of relationship experience.

    but not the same here on keeping that shit to myself though. it gets me in trouble.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    Lol

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    I have semi-controversial opinions, and full-resentment for idiotic or ignorant opinions, and I generally try to keep most of it to myself until I just can’t. Lol.