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[–]lairacunda 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, it's a real thing. But that doesn't mean you can choose to become a lesbian. You either are or you aren't. Coming out at 40 because you've been comp-het your whole life is coming out of the closet. It doesn't mean you choose to become a lesbian. It means you choose to stop lying about it, possibly to yourself. But the proof is in the pudding and unless you're actually attracted to (only) women, you're not a lesbian but a straight or bisexual woman walking away from a dynamic that doesn't serve her. Which is fine, just don't call yourself a lesbian.