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[–]Icebridge 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Mixed feelings about this post. I'd be okay with it if it weren't a hypothetical but since it is it just feels so... dumb and pointless? Who cares what you do in the hypothetical case that you divorce your husband? It also seems very naieve in the sense that it gives off the vibe of "gay relationdhips are always great and easy to find!" Which is... no. That being said I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post? As a radfem I feel like its obvious the way men treat women is way worse than the way women treat women. Most male violence is from someone the woman knows and often is a partner. When I go on dates, as long as I've verified that they're a woman and not a catfish, I dont have to worry about getting stalked or killed like I would if I were dating men. Even with assault, statistically it's so low I don’t really stress out about it with women like I do when I'm alone with a man i dont know well for example. I definitely dont think "straight women have it harder than us" or even that that's what the post is getting at. But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside. If someone wants to avoid that, I can't blame them. When i try to put myself in a bi persons shoes, its hard to decide if i would be able to date men based on the bad experiences ive had with them, the trauma those close to me have suffered, and just knowing what i know. I think op is naieve but i dont think she has any ill will based on what i read. It's not like she came at lesbians with this post anyway, from what i understand fds is a het focused sub?

[–]TalerTest 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post?

I think everyone is against the comments as well as the post. This whole thing can be translated to: 'I'm really obsessed with men but so many of them suck that I'm actually considering (gasp!) dating a woman. And of course, I'll still keep looking over my shoulder for Prince Charming while doing so.'

It's all about men for them. I don't think they even love women, they just hate men.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly this. Our attraction to women as lesbians has nothing to do with men. Also, even if some men are awful, straight and bisexual women are still not above criticism, especially when it comes to lesbophobia and making lesbophobic statements.

[–]Icebridge 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thats not the vibe i got from it, but i didnt spend a ton of time reading the comments. With straight women i definitely understand the frustration, but with bi women, they're actually attracted to women so if theyre willing to fully commit to dating women exclusively I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. That being said, op's post is a hypothetical so i suppose its fair to be more critical of her.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I guess I don't feel like its my job to solve or care about straight or bisexual women's frustration with men in their dating life, especially if I don't feel like some of the commenters extend the same grace to lesbians and our issues. I also agree that the hypothetical nature of op's post makes this whole conversation even more absurd since she is married with a husband and a kid lol.

[–]yayblueberries 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You already got a great response comment, but have you ever talked to any of these pretend lesbians who hate their current ex-husband? They use women while pretending to be newfound lesbians just to spite their ex-husbands. They say, "You suck so much that I needed to get with a WOMAN instead of a new man!" They view being with a woman as lesser than being with a man and throw it in the face of the men they divorced. They aren't lesbians, and they are extremely harmful to the lesbians they use to play nasty games with men.

[–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ive never personally met that style of fake lesbian, no. That definitely is shitty and I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but op struck me as someone who is naieve more so than outwardly malicious like those people. At the very least she's willing to admit her bisexuality and call herself a febfem rather than pretend to be a lesbian like so many bi women do.

[–]mangosplums 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree with you.

[–]carrotcake 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah I completely agree with you. I have no problem with bi women choosing to date only women, i think that's actually a bold choice and that they'll most definitely face less misogyny (from her partner). My problem is with the way they're talking. They seem to choose women not because they love women and because they've had actual better experiences with women and aren't able to see themselves in a relationship with a man anymore - which are some of the reasons I've seen some febfem on the internet talking about. They are basically saying that women were their second option and idolizing a lesbian relationship

[–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is fair. No one wants to be anyone's second choice.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah FDS is definitely het I just follow it because the lesbian version of fds is dead and pinkpill/blackpill is gone (But I have seen a handful of lesbians commenting and stuff). I agree with you 1000% but idk maybe I'm heavily biased but I've been in a couple shitty and abusive relationships. And again I don't want to shit on women or lesbians but I think this idea that that doesn't exist (not that you're implying that I think it's just a sentiment in the post) is bleh too. I guess I am biased and I think everyone's out to get me oops lol.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No same, I follow FDS. I honestly like it. Tbh my personal opinion on this post is... who cares?

They won't date women anyway unless they're bisexual.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside.

Happened to me with my ex-girlfriend. I personally believe it is an underreported phenomenon, but that is my bias. The idea that women are immune to being violent in a relationship (not saying you claimed that extreme) reminds me of the whole "women are wonderful" phenomenon or whatever. Maybe it is less common in f/f relationships because men have more encouragement and means to commit violent acts, but I don't think there's something special about women that prevents them from doing so.