This is just so upsetting to read and look at all the the upvotes and comments.

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[–]writerlylesbian 29 insightful - 12 fun29 insightful - 11 fun30 insightful - 12 fun -  (7 children)

These are my only two questions, really.

Would all those women, including OP, be willing date each other? If not, why not?

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 28 insightful - 9 fun28 insightful - 8 fun29 insightful - 9 fun -  (4 children)

Bi women, for some strange reason, feel like their only options are men or lesbians. Hmm

[–][deleted] 18 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

Bi women, for some strange reason, feel like their only options are men or lesbians

that is true!! and i hate it. they should just stick to themselves and not mess with our hearts/lives/time. ugh. i don't care for bi women. they waste my time.

[–]reader 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

There is a sub, fortunately death, called LesbianDatingStrategy. It basically for bi women, who want to find a lesbian.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg, it's grown so much since the last time I checked! I've always wondered how fds could be translated over to lesbians. Seems kind of impossible unless you really want to adopt hetero-normative gender roles. Regardless of certain aspects of FDS I think it still teaches even if it's to a lesser degree self love/self acceptance and learning how to have and keep boundaries, knowing what you want in a partner, and looking out for manipulation tactics and how to excuse yourself from toxic situations. I don't want to deep dive lds but I want to see how many lesbians are on there lol.

[–]BigMommyMilkers 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

I love the one reply by a bi woman how “gay women wouldn’t touch me with a 10 foot pole because I’m bi and only been in het relationships”

You’re correct, but feel free to date other bi women who’ve only been in het relationships

[–]spirette 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

they wouldn't. Because most bihets only date men.

They never admit that but that's the reason their only option is lesbians if they want to hook up with a woman (let's be real: they're not interested in an actual relationship). Hence why they get so angry that some lesbians don't want to date them: they don't get to tick that box, or to experiment, or to spice up their boring het life. And that's oppression to them. But lesbians are not some consolation prize that bi women get to claim because men suck.

The women on that FDS thread even say so themselves and yet can't seem to realize that they are exactly like the bisexuals they criticize. The lack of self-awareness is insane.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]yayblueberries 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    The worst part is that they still truly love men and everything about men. I was in a Discord for lesbians who were out only later in life. It was full of miserable women who were going through divorces from men, not lesbians. Imagine dating a woman who is still pining after dick and can't stop talking about her ex-husband in a vile, hateful manner.

    [–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    For real, I wonder if these types of sentiments will become more popular with bisexual/bicurious/straight women since FDS seems to be growing exponentially.

    [–][deleted] 31 insightful - 3 fun31 insightful - 2 fun32 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

    I don't understand why these women don't consider celibacy, why do their minds go straight to lesbians? If you are so strong and independent and don't want to deal with men, just stay single lol

    I feel like the only reason they would even consider dating women is due to financial stability. It also looks like they think dating women is just like dating men, ugh.

    The way that op was talking was just men, men, men, men, men...and would any lesbians like to become a stepmom to my daughter😷

    Edit: AND this woman currently has a HUSBAND 😖😑

    Just imagine if bisexual men were talking this way about their wives online, these SAME women would be calling those bi men misogynistic 😒

    [–]RedditHatesLesbians 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Real lesbians want to date women because we are attracted to women. Hatred of men doesn't cause an attraction to women. Smh.

    [–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Yes exactly that. So starved for attention and intimacy that they contemplate women when they hadn't before (sounds pickmesha-ee to me). And like you said in the other comment how there's toxic and lovely people. Not trying to shit on women but not everyone's safe and lovely. The comments on how they'll let their guard down compared to men it's like seriously! Ugh.

    Probably has to do with her levels of comfort being with someone openly gender nonconforming. I would have liked that poster to bring up internalized misogyny/homophobia and how that relates to dating but then it feels too personal like airing out our dirty laundry to people that don't even give a shit living in lesbian lalaland. So maybe it's a good thing no one tried to really call them out? idk.

    [–]yayblueberries 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It makes me think they are sex addicts and just use lesbians as a tool, not as humans.

    [–]spirette 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    yeah I wish these women decided to stay single and stop inflicting themselves on lesbians. like, stop dragging us into your mess.

    [–]catsuneko 28 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 0 fun29 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Ugh there's a commenter in there who used to post in r/truelesbians but she's the same as the OP, and started dating women bc she was tired of men. So basically she's a polilez. Ew. That makes me wonder how many other political lesbians there were on TL...

    [–][deleted] 15 insightful - 4 fun15 insightful - 3 fun16 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    Yeah, before I major eye rolled at that post that was on truelesbians about there possibly being a bunch of polilez but seeing posts like that it finally clicked that there might be. Well I guess it's just the adult version of young adults wanting to be queer because they want to be different and against the system.

    [–][deleted] 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    This is one of the comments:

    "I feel like this belittles the issues lesbians face in relationships. It’s not all sun and roses. And some of the most openly misogynistic people I’ve dated have been queer women who acted in traditionally male ways."

    As a young femme lesbian, whats up with these KwEer women hating on masculine women? Like....are feminine women really any better? And how is behaving in tradional masculine ways any better or worse than behaving in traditional feminine ways, if both ways have the potential of producing lovely or toxic people.

    [–]whateverman 24 insightful - 4 fun24 insightful - 3 fun25 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

    "My heart truly goes out to women trapped in heterosexual hell."

    That is such fucking garbage.

    [–]LesChameleon 10 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

    I gagged so hard when I read that

    [–]RedditHatesLesbians 19 insightful - 12 fun19 insightful - 11 fun20 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

    Ah, lesbians, with our perfect, sunny relationships where we have pillow fights in pink pyjamas every night, there's never ever domestic violence and we do each others nails.

    [–]CatsOrGoHome 21 insightful - 4 fun21 insightful - 3 fun22 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    Yikes at that entire thread. While some had some self-awareness, they'd then start to be lesbophobic. :/ If you only are ranting about your hate for men and not your love of women, lesbians are going to pick that up and run for the hills. We avoid those bisexuals like the plague, not just the ones who cheat.

    Also, lol when she admitted she'd vet bi women for the same reasons we do. That is the real reason bisexuals complain when we don't date them, though most would never say it.

    [–]carrotcake 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    It seems that the people commenting don't even like women?? They're either saying that they don't want to deal with that part of themselves because it's new and hard (I'm pretty sure if you did like women you'd most likely feel like you HAVE to deal with it) or saying that the op changed their mind and now they'll look for women. Shouldn't they be looking all along if they're bisexual?

    [–][deleted] 19 insightful - 3 fun19 insightful - 2 fun20 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    For real, I hope they can just go out and try dating women so they can stop patting themselves on the back and idealizing women and just shut up lol. (Hopefully other bisexuals just like them and not low self esteem lesbians that put up with that kind of baloney)

    [–][deleted] 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah do these people even want to have sex with women? If men didnt exist, I wonder if it would ever occur to these straight/bi women to date other women.

    [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    yeah, doesn't seem like it at all. Just another form of being a pickmesha.

    [–][deleted] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I see posts like this every couple of weeks on FDS. I think it's great that many women are learning self love and to not settle. But every couple of weeks I see posts like this on there. Like lesbians are some last option for bisexual/bicurious women. And only one person slightly called the post out. It just feels so dehumanizing. *long sigh

    [–]Lessom 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    You can tell women like this don’t have a real desire for women. When they don’t get want they want from the opposite sex or are bored, they will declare they are also into women.

    [–]yayblueberries 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    Hah I got banned from that sub despite never posting in there once. No surprise, it is run by homophobes.

    [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    wow lol I wonder how they found your account XD. Yeah, plenty of HUGE eyerolls at some of the content on there. But I feel like the community helps band women together and learn not to settle or put up with bs so it's overall a good thing for women. That's baloney though I'm sorry you got banned LOL

    [–]yayblueberries 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I assume they found me through /r/wgtow which would make total sense since FDS are still a bunch of pickmes and handmaidens in a covert way, and somebody being in that group would offend their dick-loving sensibilities. And it was the only sub I had that could ever be related to that one. I didn't really follow much else on Reddit, never had a big account on there.

    [–]33799 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    I mean, if a woman is legit bisexual and chooses to be febfem, I have no problem with that. I'd see that as a good thing and be able to trust her more than a regular bisexual. I'd also see it as a sign of her being someone who doesn't believe in gender b/s, although I guess it's not a guarantee. But it doesn't belong in the same category as political lesbianism.

    I guess the post is weird though, since this woman is married and doesn't have any problems with her current husband, so like what's the point of even posting about it?

    [–]Fuckyoucensorship 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    My thoughts exactly. She probably just got in an argument with her husband and is doing the whole "ugh women are so much better then men" line that I hear from straight women all the time.

    Not to say shes not bi. But that's the vibes op gave me.

    [–]Icebridge 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

    Mixed feelings about this post. I'd be okay with it if it weren't a hypothetical but since it is it just feels so... dumb and pointless? Who cares what you do in the hypothetical case that you divorce your husband? It also seems very naieve in the sense that it gives off the vibe of "gay relationdhips are always great and easy to find!" Which is... no. That being said I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post? As a radfem I feel like its obvious the way men treat women is way worse than the way women treat women. Most male violence is from someone the woman knows and often is a partner. When I go on dates, as long as I've verified that they're a woman and not a catfish, I dont have to worry about getting stalked or killed like I would if I were dating men. Even with assault, statistically it's so low I don’t really stress out about it with women like I do when I'm alone with a man i dont know well for example. I definitely dont think "straight women have it harder than us" or even that that's what the post is getting at. But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside. If someone wants to avoid that, I can't blame them. When i try to put myself in a bi persons shoes, its hard to decide if i would be able to date men based on the bad experiences ive had with them, the trauma those close to me have suffered, and just knowing what i know. I think op is naieve but i dont think she has any ill will based on what i read. It's not like she came at lesbians with this post anyway, from what i understand fds is a het focused sub?

    [–]TalerTest 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    I'm also surprised everyone is universally against this post?

    I think everyone is against the comments as well as the post. This whole thing can be translated to: 'I'm really obsessed with men but so many of them suck that I'm actually considering (gasp!) dating a woman. And of course, I'll still keep looking over my shoulder for Prince Charming while doing so.'

    It's all about men for them. I don't think they even love women, they just hate men.

    [–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Exactly this. Our attraction to women as lesbians has nothing to do with men. Also, even if some men are awful, straight and bisexual women are still not above criticism, especially when it comes to lesbophobia and making lesbophobic statements.

    [–]Icebridge 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Thats not the vibe i got from it, but i didnt spend a ton of time reading the comments. With straight women i definitely understand the frustration, but with bi women, they're actually attracted to women so if theyre willing to fully commit to dating women exclusively I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. That being said, op's post is a hypothetical so i suppose its fair to be more critical of her.

    [–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I guess I don't feel like its my job to solve or care about straight or bisexual women's frustration with men in their dating life, especially if I don't feel like some of the commenters extend the same grace to lesbians and our issues. I also agree that the hypothetical nature of op's post makes this whole conversation even more absurd since she is married with a husband and a kid lol.

    [–]yayblueberries 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    You already got a great response comment, but have you ever talked to any of these pretend lesbians who hate their current ex-husband? They use women while pretending to be newfound lesbians just to spite their ex-husbands. They say, "You suck so much that I needed to get with a WOMAN instead of a new man!" They view being with a woman as lesser than being with a man and throw it in the face of the men they divorced. They aren't lesbians, and they are extremely harmful to the lesbians they use to play nasty games with men.

    [–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Ive never personally met that style of fake lesbian, no. That definitely is shitty and I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but op struck me as someone who is naieve more so than outwardly malicious like those people. At the very least she's willing to admit her bisexuality and call herself a febfem rather than pretend to be a lesbian like so many bi women do.

    [–]mangosplums 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I agree with you.

    [–]carrotcake 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah I completely agree with you. I have no problem with bi women choosing to date only women, i think that's actually a bold choice and that they'll most definitely face less misogyny (from her partner). My problem is with the way they're talking. They seem to choose women not because they love women and because they've had actual better experiences with women and aren't able to see themselves in a relationship with a man anymore - which are some of the reasons I've seen some febfem on the internet talking about. They are basically saying that women were their second option and idolizing a lesbian relationship

    [–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    This is fair. No one wants to be anyone's second choice.

    [–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah FDS is definitely het I just follow it because the lesbian version of fds is dead and pinkpill/blackpill is gone (But I have seen a handful of lesbians commenting and stuff). I agree with you 1000% but idk maybe I'm heavily biased but I've been in a couple shitty and abusive relationships. And again I don't want to shit on women or lesbians but I think this idea that that doesn't exist (not that you're implying that I think it's just a sentiment in the post) is bleh too. I guess I am biased and I think everyone's out to get me oops lol.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    No same, I follow FDS. I honestly like it. Tbh my personal opinion on this post is... who cares?

    They won't date women anyway unless they're bisexual.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    But that when you're dating women the fear and opression usually comes from outside the relationship but with heterosexual relationships it comes from the inside.

    Happened to me with my ex-girlfriend. I personally believe it is an underreported phenomenon, but that is my bias. The idea that women are immune to being violent in a relationship (not saying you claimed that extreme) reminds me of the whole "women are wonderful" phenomenon or whatever. Maybe it is less common in f/f relationships because men have more encouragement and means to commit violent acts, but I don't think there's something special about women that prevents them from doing so.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

    I don't know very much about FDS but it feels very negative. I guess that is why I never really did a deep dive on it. Does anyone here read it / participate in it as a member, or is it more in the AL category?

    [–]writerlylesbian 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    It's a group primarily for het women, and bi women I guess. The idea behind the group isn't bad, basically that women should actually hold men to some kind of standards in relationships and not be completely focused on just getting and keeping a man, any man, no matter how duchey he may be. But I think the 'translation' above: that these women seem to view lesbians as a consolation prize to toy with while they wait for the right man to show up, is pretty accurate. Also a really weird post for a woman to make when she's married to a guy and doesn't seem to have any intentions of leaving.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I getcha, that makes sense. Yeah, it's a little weird like, "Look I have other options! I could date women!" Theoretically. I have been starting to watch for a lack of excitement about women (i.e. "I hate men" vs "I love women") since people pointed it out to me in another post, and that definitely seems to be a running theme here.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    Yeah what writerly said. It used to and still is trying to be about women empowerment above all else. But since more people have been joining it's become very "boujee" and pickmesha-ee like this post or all the other posts of women getting lavish gifts and everyone yelling goals expect one or two people. (Because public displays of affection shouldn't be "high value" quality.... usually signs of manipulation imo).

    I guess I would say it's more like AL. There are some good messages and I love when someones getting out of a toxic relationship all the women comment and try to comfort the OPs or call out bad low-self esteem behavior when they see it. But idk it's a mixed bag.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    "boujee"

    Wait, do you mean like "bougie" as in the slang that comes from bourgeoisie?

    Gotcha, will watch out for it. I browsed it briefly and really enjoyed some of the memes about men. But, the whole idea of people being high or low value really bothers me. I think I will continue to look at it as a curiosity and not as a sub I regularly browse.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    bougie

    Oh I didn't know there was other spellings/meanings for it. https://verysmartbrothas.theroot.com/the-difference-between-bougie-boujee-and-bourgie-bour-1822522172 I guess where I live boujee is how people spell it/ use it? I could be wrong but the term meaning for it that I know of is like fake rich/new rich? Showing success and being a "high quality" person is showing off your material wealth and expecting to be showered with material goods as well. But I don't know if that's the overall sentiment of FDS... I just see a lot of name dropping of designer goods like it carries weight in conversations and posts made of women saying they have a high value man because he bought her a stuff. And yeah same here.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Ah, thanks for linking the article! Yeah, "bougie" as I have heard it used has been used exactly how you described. I didn't know about the different spellings either, I just knew it came from the word bourgeoisie.

    ment of FDS... I just see a lot of name dropping of designer goods like it carries weight in conversations

    Yeah, see that makes me laugh. Like, what, haha.

    [–]votkriscan 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    I fully support FDS (Female Dating Strategy) for what it is (in general, not the post). FDS is a heterosexual dating advice sub. It is not meant for women in same-sex relationships. The thing is, due to the sub being a bit more strongly feminist, women who experience a lot of misogyny and bisexuals also frequent the sub, which results in the post you see above.

    Female dating strategy is about exposing the shitty/abusive things men do in relationships, emphasizing that men and women are completely different in how they think so you are equipped to approach situations with the correct mindset. Plus, avoid bad men and net good ones who will make decent relationship partners and fathers (for straight/Bi women). And it is about time women help each other avoid misogyny instead of bitch-fighting with each other over trashbag-type men, which is something I never understood about straight/bi women.

    And FDS is not the only one saying these things about men. Genuine men have been making these exposes too. I've been watching some of these sort of videos of late. What drawn me was the raw attention to just how different men think in comparison to women. Because this fact isn't popular. Most people like thinking that men and women are the same and that egalitarianism could be had in a heterosexual relationship where everything could function like two women doing things together, except that can be fatal to straight women. Also, the exposure on how psychopathic men can be in ways that are even more insidious than women are incredible.

    I truly believe men and women are completely different (in terms of thinking/mind-set). If not, for one, this sub wouldn't exist, and we lesbians wouldn't be having the problems that we do now.

    The huge irony of the post is that the solution is what the entire FDS sub is all about. And that is, teaching strategies on how to find decent men, so straight/bi women don't have to be celibate or pretend to be lesbians, which hurts lesbians.