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[–]7of99 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That and if a woman says she's a lesbian because her ex-boyfriend(s) never gave her an orgasm BUT she talks about men being "hot" or how she was turned on by them but the sex wasn't fulfilling. Statistically, lots of men are shitty and selfish in bed, so not enjoying sex with particular guys should not be confused with lesbianism (and it's another reason it's not necessary to "try" having sex with someone of a given sex to know whether you're oriented to that sex or not). Swooning over men (genuinely and not intentionally mimicking to fit in) and then saying they are hot but you wouldn't go to bed with them because they are probably shitty in bed is not a lesbian experience. It's fine to be straight or bisexual and choose not to date or have sex with men for whatever reason, but it's not lesbian.

It sucks because this reinforces the myth that gets applied to lesbians that we only think we are lesbian because the guy(s) we were (assumed to be) with were just shitty lovers. I don't know how common it is but I've known a few girls and young women who have lackluster or bad experiences with guys, "try lesbianism" and then they end up either getting with men again or being extremely vocally anti-men but still talk about how so-and-so is so hot and it's too bad he's one of those awful men. It's distinct from women who become really anti-men due to horrible abuse, and I think anyone who stops and thinks about how prevalent some of these horrific abuses are will get angry from time to time about it, even my straight father, and that's different too, especially when you channel that anger into actual charity work or activism.