you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

I once stopped dating a woman because she talked about her family too much. Does that count? To elaborate, though, this woman was someone who, well into adulthood, was still living at home (despite having a good job that would have given her the funds to get her own place), who seemingly had developed very little in the way of independence/friendship networks outside of her immediate family, who also didn't even LIKE her family that much and complained about how awful a lot of them were, especially the extended part of aunts/uncles/cousins etc.

And I just thought...What's keeping you there? Basically, nothing but your own fear/hang-ups. And I was probably extra not-sympathetic as someone who left home at 17 with very few resources because it was STILL better than the option of staying where I was.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]writerlylesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    I brought it up indirectly, I guess. I asked her something like, where she saw her life going, or what she saw her future as being, and the answer was basically a lot of rambling that amounted to she was staying where she was and couldn't envisage anything else (I should also mention that we were living a few hours apart, so like...How was the relationship realistically going to progress? I move in with her and her family? No thanks). She also really hated travel, which is an issue for me as I LOVE travelling to other places/countries and even lived in another country for a few years.

    It's true I didn't stick around to 'work on the issues' or whatever, but...That just would have been a lot of investment for what would have likely been little/no reward realistically.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]writerlylesbian 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

      Phew!

      [–]Jaded[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      It could be cultural. Even as a fourth generation American I felt a lot of pressure to continue to live at home with my family until I get married (if I ever do), and even then my parents wanted my future partner to move in with us

      [–]writerlylesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      It wasn't due to her being from a culture where that was the norm in this case.

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      I totally get it, but I imagine she did not take it well when you said something

      [–]writerlylesbian 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      I don't think she really understood what the issue was, tbh. She was just upset when I said it wasn't working and gave the reasons why. And yeah...Of course it's understandable to be upset, but...It was like, she didn't want to address/acknowledge the issues I was bringing up at all.

      [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      If she addressed them then she would need to change her situation and that’s scary