Op, I feel ya.

I lost my virginity at 21 to a man. I was in denial about my sexuality. Although I didn't realize it until I got older(high school senior year), the girls I had positive happy feelings for in elementary school or in my CCD class was because I actually liked them, and even would flirt with them.

I didn't want to accept myself though due to my faith in religion. I didn't want to accept myself because of the negative stigma lesbians had that didn't seem to go beyond Jerry Springer.

Once I began to have relationships including sex with males, I felt nothing...with men, it was nothing, no emotion, no love, no arousal, no desire, no want. I would feel empty with men, lonely, and wrong.

Men offered security though because of societal expectations so I pushed through with men, but still, I'd felt empty, lonely, lost, unaroused, no desire, no wanting.

Finally, I said, " I'm gay"...still young, I formed relationships with females and these women had me yearning, longing, wanting, desiring them even more. I didn't feel empty, lost, nor lonely with women. I was happy and felt complete.

Op, if what I said describes your situation above then you could be in denial and gay, a lezzie.