LifestyleDoes anyone have any suggestions for how to not feel so depressed about all this?

submitted by reluctant_commenter from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I'm glad you were eventually able to find a competent therapist. It's baffling to me when older people fall for this stupidity but your experience is an unfortunate reminder that it does happen.

Maybe I'll go back and read through some of the old posts and try to identify some of these patterns... that sounds like a good exercise.

You might start with the mod log. I've been making my way through the queue as time allows and have seen a lot of obvious shit-stirring. The fact that there even is a year-old queue makes me think that the mods just straight up abandoned the place once ovarit came along, making it easy for trolls to slide in.

You could even suggest it to the other people on that sub, if they don't hate gay people too much to try it, lol.

Interesting idea! I might. Please also feel free to do so yourself if you like and if I don't get around to it in a timely manner.

Do you have any particular recommendations? I liked Imagine Me & You, but I don't know how many movies there are like that.

Okay, based on that I can recommend Kyss Mig (might also be under the English title With Every Heartbeat), Saving Face and Big Eden. That last one is one of the most underrated and understated love stories I've ever seen.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Way late to respond to this, sorry lol.

The fact that there even is a year-old queue makes me think that the mods just straight up abandoned the place once ovarit came along, making it easy for trolls to slide in.

That was my impression, back when I was active there. The mod (there was only one for a while) would go for weeks without doing anything on the sub or removing any comments. To be fair, I haven't done anything with the sub I mod in like a month, lol... so I get it, stuff happens, people get busy. But yeah, I think that a lot of bad-faith posts were allowed to flourish that should've been curtailed.

There were a couple topics especially that usually led to fights that kept being brought up, over and over again:

  1. "bisexuals suck"
  2. "being a gold star lesbian is amazing / gold stars are victims"
  3. "let's talk about comphet"

I interacted with several users on the sub who proudly self-identified as "political lesbians," i.e. probably not actually lesbians, but radical feminists who held homophobic and sexist beliefs. But I wouldn't be surprised if some of the more egregious accounts were actually run by TRAs.

Okay, based on that I can recommend Kyss Mig (might also be under the English title With Every Heartbeat), Saving Face and Big Eden. That last one is one of the most underrated and understated love stories I've ever seen.

Thank you so much for the recommendations!! Will take a look :)

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

There were a couple topics especially that usually led to fights that kept being brought up, over and over again:

  1. "bisexuals suck"
  2. "being a gold star lesbian is amazing / gold stars are victims"
  3. "let's talk about comphet"

I noticed this too (albeit in retrospect since I only started using saidit regularly 6-8 months ago), and I'm noticing the exact same thing on ovarit, so I suspect that the shills have migrated over there. None of these topics fall outside the believable realm of occasional discussion but the fact that it's a repetitive pattern (and one that many users clearly dislike) makes me think it's inorganic. And I think the point is to drive users away from forums.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

so I suspect that the shills have migrated over there. None of these topics fall outside the believable realm of occasional discussion

For mentally healthy people, that is. It seems to me like at least a subset of radical feminists have an unhealthy fixation on and hatred of bisexual women... I mean, it's consistent with the belief system. "Women should only date women because men are terrible"-- and bisexual women, who actually have a choice between dating men and women, get maligned for dating men and they're seen as immoral and terrible. Jo Bartosch, a bisexual radical feminist, wrote an article about biphobia among radical feminists. Those "lesbian radical feminists" she's talking about aren't lesbian... they're political lesbians. AKA, women who aren't actually homosexual and are speaking over actual lesbians.

edit: But perhaps there are a drove of trolls following the radfems around. I wouldn't be surprised, given the vitriolic, hateful bent of the "AgainstHateSubreddits" community. Such an ironic name.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think it's a drove of trolls. I think it's one person with tons of alts who strategically inflames the naturally existing pressure points in a group in the hopes of--my best guess--driving people away from that group. Tensions and differing opinions do exist in heterogeneous communities such as this one, and even among lesbians whose common denominator isn't a shared ideology after all, but just a bio-social reality. Most people--sane people--who find themselves in philosophically diverse spaces know that in order to maintain a pleasant and collaborative atmosphere it's best to highlight those tensions rarely, if ever, and with a light touch. So that's one reason why a specific type of "grievance" post raises red flags for me. The other reason is that this is a known pattern of ((that one user)); it doesn't require much stretch of the imagination to think that this subsaidit and perhaps even this site aren't the only places he's trolled.

So that's my $.02. I won't keep trying to convince you, though, because your points are valid as well and all either of us can do is speculate anyway.

"Women should only date women because men are terrible"

Genuinely curious, do they actually say this? I mean, you're right, that is consistent with some radfems' beliefs, but I always thought the bisexual hatred came more from a place of insecurity (about being left for a man) or jealousy (resenting the fact that bisexuals have more options, one of which is more socially acceptable).

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

"Political lesbianism" is another one they love to bring up. I've gone my entire life not only never having met a "political lesbian", but also never having even heard the idea discussed in lesbian circles...until saidit. Could be that it's back en vogue, or could be that a very determined and pathetic user with countless alts wants to drive a wedge between lesbians and bisexual women.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I saw a couple on the old TL subreddit as well, and I've seen several on both saidit and ovarit. I've actually met one person like that IRL, was pretty surreal to hear the talking points repeated by someone I actually know! But she got bored of it and dropped the act after like a year or two. She was very mentally ill, and seemed to have a lot of identity issues. Wonder what she's up to now...