but that's just me stress testing the ideas :)

Please do. I let other people (predators) stress test them for me and that was worse. Kick the tires all you want!

but I've been struggling, for the past year or two actually, with deciding how I ought to best navigate life in regards to this topic.

You are not alone. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is learn to harden myself at the right times while still being more open when it's safe. How can we tell when it's safe? That's the realm of informed instincts, judgement calls, playing the odds, and not worrying too much about not including everyone in your life who might want inclusion.

I can't tell you it's fun, because it's not, and the best answer I have is learn all the red flags you can, study people with known issues, listen to your gut, and tell yourself it's okay to step back whenever you need to. Because it really is okay. Never let your world revolve around what other people think of the ways you take care of yourself.

Take your time processing and responding, I'll be around.