DiscussionWe are not a support club for weirdos

submitted by Mermer from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 21 insightful - 2 fun21 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

Because of gender identities like non-binary and anything in between or sexualities like pansexuality or bisexuality, people are able to find a way into the community without putting any effort in, because apparently pronouns don't equal gender and pan or bi people who only intend to date the opposite sex are soo so valid (not an attack on bisexuality, just people like that).

I think there seems to be a fundamental mismatch in worldview between people who live in different areas about what the nature and purpose of a "gay community" is.

Is it a dating pool? A marriage market? A support group? A substitute family? Are strangers obligated to care about you because your family rejected you?

We beat around the bush about this topic on this sub.

[–]DimDroog 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A support group? A substitute family? Are strangers obligated to care about you because your family rejected you?

I think this is part of it.

[–]7874 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Are strangers obligated to care about you because your family rejected you?

Yes obviously. That's the whole point of having a community.

It's also known as "compassion for other human beings" especially when they're suffering from homophobia, which you purport to care about.

[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's a good point, and a reason why I've personally felt disconnected from the "community" as it were for quite a while. It's one thing to go out to a gay bar. For the most part, the expectation there is like any other bar; if you're looking for someone to hook up with or start a relationship with or whatever, it's a good place to know that most of the people there will be effectively "safe" to hit on, as opposed to a standard bar where you never really know if that cute guy is gay or straight and what his reaction will be. (Of course, that's not to say that it's impossible to have an extreme negative reaction from the other person regardless of sexuality, just that the chances would be lower.)

It's also one thing to have a support group for people that were rejected by their families for their sexuality. You have people there with common experiences that you can commiserate with and find, well, support from.

But then let's say there's a gay hiking group. What's the commonality there? Hiking, not sexuality. So for what purpose does the gay hiking group exist? Not every single gay person has the same experiences. Sure, we all have something in common, but 99% of my experiences in life are not related to my sexuality in any sense, so it's not like I'm specifically benefitting from this "gay" hiking group over any other hiking group.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to find people that you get along with and share experiences with, and "gay" is as good a starting point as any other, but just like I wouldn't get along with everyone in a standard hiking ground, why would I be expected to get along with everyone in a gay anything group?

I think the "gay community" really only has a function for a lot of people as a political interest group, and now that a lot of the political goals have been achieved, I don't personally feel a sense of community with other gay people just for them being gay. And especially when they turn into "queer" groups or something like that, the sense of purpose seems even more nebulous to the point of not really serving any sort of purpose.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

But then let's say there's a gay hiking group. What's the commonality there? Hiking, not sexuality. So for what purpose does the gay hiking group exist? Not every single gay person has the same experiences. Sure, we all have something in common, but 99% of my experiences in life are not related to my sexuality in any sense, so it's not like I'm specifically benefitting from this "gay" hiking group over any other hiking group.

I like gay hiking and other meetup style groups cus I think it's a good place to meet other lesbians for dating/relationships, especially cus it shows we already have something in common and bars/clubs aren't really my thing.

[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly - I sort of went off on a wild, meandering road with my comment and just said, "Okay screw it" and submitted, but basically I meant that it sort of feels like the only real "purpose" for gay-specific groups (such as a gay hiking group) would be if you're looking for dating/relationships. Like, I don't have any gay male friends, and there's a part of me that wants gay male friends, but then if I really think about it, I'm like, why? Why specifically gay male friends? Just because someone is a gay man doesn't mean they'll have anything else in common with me. If I'm not looking for dating, then it would make more sense to just join a hiking group than any sort of gay group, you know?

[–]wendyokoopa1 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Totally. But also I think what we don't address is marginalization of other interests shared by some lgb too