LesbianKinda intimate rant... Kinda NSFW

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]reluctant_commenter 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

10 years of constantly repressing your sexuality and controlling what you can and cannot say is exhausting and I'm so fed up. I was only able to express my sexuality with absolutely no fears with my prior best friend.

Oh my god... I so relate. I am so, so careful to not talk about being attracted to women around my straight female friends. I grew up being told that lesbians are disgusting predators and shouldn't be allowed in locker rooms with straight women, so it's that much more of a topic that I walk on eggshells around. Last week I was with some friends hanging out and I made a casual joke about watching a TV show because a woman on it was hot, and one of my friends present who was a straight woman gave me this incredulous look like Wtf? and it just sent my headspace right back to my childhood homophobic bullies, lol. And now I really don't want to make any comments like that, even as a joke.

Truth is I can't even stand cleavage on women because my brain will have a really hard time concentrating while she'll be talking to me. Truth is if I think "oh, that woman is really beautiful" what I'm thinking is "I want her on me right now".

Lol I definitely struggle with that too sometimes. Luckily(?) for me, I don't get that too often (I suppose I'm closer to the end of what the TQ+ movement refers to as "demisexuality"...) but I still feel horrible when I do, and logically speaking I don't think I should have to feel horrible for involuntary thoughts and feelings (which don't seem to be hurting anyone, anyway), but.. I do.

I just don't know what to do, I'm just coming here in hopes that someone gives me some advice ... Do you think I'm exaggerating? Or do you think it's a matter of finding the "right" friends?

I don't know what to do either but once again, I am sitting here nodding along reading your post because I relate, lol. I am so glad you feel comfortable posting about this stuff, hahaha. Unlike you, I am not an open person in general, so I'm not sure if I would often voice my sexual attraction to women even if I didn't feel like I had to repress it. But I would love to not feel like I'm fucking walking on eggshells. At the same time, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable...

This topic is exactly why I often relate more to straight men than to straight women. At least they seem to understand how I feel; although sometimes they say disgusting objectifying stuff that I disagree with because of my values, lol. (And I know very few lesbian women IRL; and the few I know, also seem to share this sexual repression or shame thing that you describe, so I don't talk about it with them, either.)

I truly don't know what you're thinking about me right now, but please be gentle with me as I said this isn't something I'm exactly proud of. Is this normal????? I also feel like women don't think as much about sex as me and this doesn't help.

Full honesty: I think you are completely fine, I don't think any different of you. <3 And, if a straight guy said the same things as you did, people would be totally fine with him having a sex drive and saying it's normal, so why shouldn't it be fine if a woman says it? At the same time, even though I seem to have a problem similar to yours (perhaps not equal in degree)-- I feel totally fine about you being that way but I feel horrible about myself being that way, hahaha. Double standards... I would also love to hear advice/thoughts from older LGB people.

edit: Can I just say: THIS kind of topic, is exactly why I am glad that LGBDroptheT needs to exist. Because I can't go say this in a LGBTQ+ subreddit and get relevant, helpful, or even supportive comments. People would say: "You are transphobic and have a genital fetish!" THIS is why we need to drop the T. Seriously.

I know there are not so many of us on this sub in our teens/early 20s but I swear, I don't know where else to talk about stuff like this and ask stuff like this, I think these are the kinds of conversations that LGB people in my generation are going to miss out on. I feel like I don't even have words to put to it sometimes... I almost feel like it's going to stunt the emotional and experiential growth of LGB people our age. People in my gen may be hitting milestones in their 30s that you older people hit when you were 15.

Also sorry this comment is so damn long, lol.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you so much for your comment! <3 I feel much relieved and not alone rn. I really think the fact that I don't have any lesbian or bi girl friends doesn't help and makes me feel like I'm alone on this when apparently I'm not! I also think about that I can much easily relate to straight men but not when they do disgusting too over the top comments. I'm constantly wondering "are women like this too?????" because I feel like straight women are just so much more discreet and so soft with words that I truly don't know. But I feel really happy that you do not think less of me and think it's fine. That s a relief! Because this is not something I can control, I can repress it or not, but my body will react anyway. I'm so sorry that your friends reacted the way they did when you expressed your sexuality and I truly hope you can find friends where you can be yourself and, like me, stop repressing it! I really appreciated your comment, so thank you for wasting a little bit of your time to telling me that its okay <3 I love you in a friendly way 🥺 no homo hahahaha, just kidding :)

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No problem!!! I'm really glad it helped!

I really think the fact that I don't have any lesbian or bi girl friends doesn't help and makes me feel like I'm alone on this when apparently I'm not!

I think that's the case! I think we're all just isolated from each other... 1) it's hard to find each other IRL and 2) it's really hard to talk about the issues we legitimately face, not just because some are personal but because the TQ movement has made the subject so touchy. I've talked a limited amount about experiences being LGB with a couple other lesbian/bisexual women but every time I do I almost feel like we're both being more reserved about it... I know I am super cautious about sharing my true opinions on LGB issues, because I've had people in the LGBTQ+ community get really angry at me before for saying the "wrong" stuff, lol.

because I feel like straight women are just so much more discreet and so soft with words that I truly don't know.

Yeah I kinda wonder if the socialization to "not seem like you're horny" works more effectively on some of them.

But I feel really happy that you do not think less of me and think it's fine. That s a relief! Because this is not something I can control, I can repress it or not, but my body will react anyway

Yup, exactly :)

I'm so sorry that your friends reacted the way they did when you expressed your sexuality and I truly hope you can find friends where you can be yourself and, like me, stop repressing it!

Thank you, I really appreciate it <3 aw no it wasn't a waste of time at all, I felt better after writing that! I love you in a friendly way too :) you made me crack up with the "no homo" comment LOL.