Story time. I grew up lower middle-class. The summer we got to visit Massachusetts for a week is the biggest extravagance of my childhood. I got a bunch of academic scholarships to go to college, but a study abroad semester was financially out of the question. I’ve always really wanted to travel, but it’s just not been feasible yet.

Right before the pandemic, I was eating dinner with a bunch of friends who grew up better off. They were all casually talking about their trips to Germany, Japan, Costa Rica, and Ireland like it was no big deal and just expected. And I’m just sitting there quietly feeling worse and worse. On one hand, I have nothing to contribute to the conversation so I feel superfluous. On the other hand, even though I objectively understand there’s nothing wrong with being lower middle class or not being able to afford traveling, I feel like it’s my fault I haven’t done this thing everyone else seems to have done. It’s dumb, but I feel like I’m deficient in some way for not having the opportunity. So, I pretend everything is chill through dinner and then go home and sadly watch a bunch of travel videos of places I want to see.

That’s pretty much exactly what it’s like being a lesbian around straight women sometimes. You feel useless because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation and you feel like it’s your fault for not being “normal.” It just feels like a reminder that you’re different and makes you feel like you don’t belong. (The difference being that you can’t tell yourself someday it’ll be different.)

I’m not saying straight women shouldn’t be able to talk about men whenever they damn well please. They should. I think we should just also be able to have spaces for us homosexuals because being able to not feel different at least some of the time is actually really important.

Anyways, keep your chin up and don’t let the muggles get you down.