DiscussionBi men in gay spaces – examples of constant homophobia, misinformation and undermining our definitions

submitted by lazy-summer-godSuper Gay from (self.LGBDropTheT)

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[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

If you are bisexual, you don't understand the homosexual experience, and you don;t get to speak for us.

Well, I certainly wouldn't argue with that. Bisexuals shouldn't speak for homosexuals.

However, that works both ways, you know? Homosexuals shouldn't speak for bisexuals, either. And I'm seeing quite a bit of that here. For example:

Bisexuals need to understand that they are not a systemically marginalized group. The only time a bisexual experiences systemic discrimination is when they are labeled as gay by others and experience homophobia, or when they are in a homosexual relationship. A bisexual in a heterosexual relationship has access to the full privileges granted to heterosexuals.

This is a homosexual speaking for bisexuals; informing us of what we "need to understand", and what our experience is. Which, apparently, YOU know better than we do. And, in your estimation, the only time it doesn't consist of privilege is when we're mistaken for you (i.e., only homophobia really "counts").

This is dismissive and presumptuous. I wouldn't do this to you. Kindly return the favor.

[–]Daddiescummies 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Which, apparently, YOU know better than we do. And, in your estimation, the only time it doesn't consist of privilege is when we're mistaken for you (i.e., only homophobia really "counts").

Bingo. Bisexuals are only marginalized when they are mistaken for homosexual.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Bingo. Bisexuals are only marginalized when they are mistaken for homosexual.

What about being marginalized when you are mistaken for NOT EXISTING AT ALL?

Because that's the default, if you're bisexual. Sexual orientation is assumed to be monosexual by definition; thus, there's no such thing as bisexuality-- it's merely a fiction or delusion-- and therefore no such thing as bisexuals. So we must be either straight or gay. The former, if we're female; the latter, if we're male. We can come out till we're blue in the face, and it usually doesn't matter; we can't possibly be what we say we are. Because that's not real. WE'RE not real.

Think this just might pose a bit of a problem?

So the fact is, we're usually mistaken for gay, or straight. Because what else IS there? And that's just something we have to live with. Constantly being reminded that most people-- including GAY people-- regard us as something on the order of the Tooth Fairy. Only make believe.

That's what biphobia is, basically. And I think that it often flies under gay people's radar, because you're used to being on the alert for homophobia, and this operates somewhat differently. But (to mix my metaphors)... it's still poison.

We also suffer from homophobia, sometimes, of course. But while that's not the constant for us that it is for you... we get good ol' biphobia 24/7.

[–]Daddiescummies 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What about being marginalized when you are mistaken for NOT EXISTING AT ALL?

SO you're either being perceived as heterosexual (which grants privileges in a society where heterosexuality is considered the default and social systems have been structured around it) or homosexual (which you experience oppression because society thinks you're gay).

Bisexuals are not "oppressed" because they are bisexual. They are "oppressed" because heterosexual lizard brains think you're gay.