Gay MenDisagreements with my boyfriend

submitted by ppja1995 from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]julesburm1891 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My fiancée and I also have some disagreements about all of this. What worked for us was sitting down and having a very honest, but civil conversation about where we stood. We had a fight about it once and then realized we needed to dial it back. So, the next talk we set parameters like no interrupting, no yelling, etc. and had a reasonably calm discussion about both of our viewpoints. Our big takeaway was that we each have a right to an opinion and that we each have reasons for feeling the way we do.

From what it sounds like, your boyfriend seems to want you to mirror his opinions or thinks that he can “educate” you to his point of view. Perhaps honesty is what you also need?

[–]ppja1995[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I will try and set those parameters with him. Thing is that, yes, I have "controversial" opinions about a lot of things. Last time things went badly because he said I was "unempathetic", "I have to evaluate myself", and "what I am saying is archaic", "don't be so defensive", "my posture is absurd". I never said anything about how I see his views and my opinion about his views, but he was very quick to jump and say those things as if he is right. And I got angry and very passive-agressive with him.

[–]julesburm1891 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Obviously, outside observer here. Your boyfriend’s reaction sounds unfair. There is a reason behind everyone’s opinions. Even if they’re kind of insane or rude (I suppose that applies to both the opinions and/or the reasons), those views don’t come out of nowhere. He should listen to your side and be able to have a conversation without name-calling or belittling you. It doesn’t mean he had to agree, but he should should show you the respect of discussion. That being said, passive aggression probably isn’t the best route either.

Side note, please don’t take offense to this, but your English is excellent! If you hadn’t mentioned that Spanish was your native language, I wouldn’t have guessed this is a second language for you. ☺️