all 28 comments

[–]Rag3 24 insightful - 6 fun24 insightful - 5 fun25 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

Does your boyfriend tend to have black and white thinking on other topics? His view on pride is a bit… limited.

[–]ppja1995[S] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

When I show him the people with the 500 pronouns, trans & nbs who attacks cis gays and lesbians, and basically all this nonsense he brushes it off as if it almost never happens.

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Pride isn't pride anymore. That alone makes it perfectly acceptable to be against it.

It used to be a protest to force people to realize that gays do exist and to help people not be ashamed for existing.

Now it's just neoliberal pandering for corporate influence points and a showcase for narcissists with sexual fetishes to show off in public.

I went to one a couple years ago and luckily it wasn't a big fetish parade but it was nothing but various companies and corporations advertising with rainbow colored products.

[–]DropItLikeItsHot 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's really normal to distance yourself when a group changes fundamentally from what it was in its inception. The same thing happened with Greenpeace, one of its founders disavowed the group publicly because the way they'd been behaving was not in line with his principles. I'm sure the same could be said for many LGB people with respect to Stonewall.

[–]ppja1995[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I got angry because he said I was "unempathetic", "I have to evaluate myself", and "what I am saying is archaic", "don't be so defensive", "my posture is absurd". I never said anything about how I see his views and my opinion about his views, but he was very quick to jump and say those things as if he is right.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

"don't be so defensive"

I hate people who say that shit.

If I had a boyfriend who said those things to me, I would flat out tell him to stop doing that, and if he kept it up, I’d dump him. No offence, but your boyfriend sounds like he doesn’t respect you at all. He sounds like a jerk.

[–]DropItLikeItsHot 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It sounds like the same mentality as the bandwagon that attacked JK Rowling for being a bigot but refused to actually read her writing. Complete confidence in themselves despite being utterly incorrect.

[–]julesburm1891 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

My fiancée and I also have some disagreements about all of this. What worked for us was sitting down and having a very honest, but civil conversation about where we stood. We had a fight about it once and then realized we needed to dial it back. So, the next talk we set parameters like no interrupting, no yelling, etc. and had a reasonably calm discussion about both of our viewpoints. Our big takeaway was that we each have a right to an opinion and that we each have reasons for feeling the way we do.

From what it sounds like, your boyfriend seems to want you to mirror his opinions or thinks that he can “educate” you to his point of view. Perhaps honesty is what you also need?

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That’s the way to go about it. If you and your partner treat each other like adults and respect each other, there are a lot of things you could agree to disagree on.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

My husband and I do not completely agree politically. I would describe myself as center-right, he would describe himself as center-left. We did have a few heated moments during the 2020 election, but nothing that a good night of sleep couldn't fix.

It's possible to have a successful relationship with somebody who holds different political opinions. But it does take mutual respect, compassion and love.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

My parents strongly disagree with me on the lockdowns. They see them as a necessary evil, whereas I am 100% against lockdowns. We don’t let the disagreement cloud our relationship though.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Husband and I agree on covid-related matters for the most part (I am bit more suspicious than he is of agendas that have hijacked the pandemic). And to be clear, we didn't come to blows over politics or anything, it was more like I was getting on a soap box more often than he wanted to hear it so he finally basically told me to shut up :-)

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can see why there’d be a disagreement with regards to soap boxes, haha. Yeah, there are opinions, and also how opinions are delivered.

[–]ppja1995[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I will try and set those parameters with him. Thing is that, yes, I have "controversial" opinions about a lot of things. Last time things went badly because he said I was "unempathetic", "I have to evaluate myself", and "what I am saying is archaic", "don't be so defensive", "my posture is absurd". I never said anything about how I see his views and my opinion about his views, but he was very quick to jump and say those things as if he is right. And I got angry and very passive-agressive with him.

[–]julesburm1891 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Obviously, outside observer here. Your boyfriend’s reaction sounds unfair. There is a reason behind everyone’s opinions. Even if they’re kind of insane or rude (I suppose that applies to both the opinions and/or the reasons), those views don’t come out of nowhere. He should listen to your side and be able to have a conversation without name-calling or belittling you. It doesn’t mean he had to agree, but he should should show you the respect of discussion. That being said, passive aggression probably isn’t the best route either.

Side note, please don’t take offense to this, but your English is excellent! If you hadn’t mentioned that Spanish was your native language, I wouldn’t have guessed this is a second language for you. ☺️

[–]reluctant_commenter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really appreciate hearing your perspective and how you resolved it. This is one of my biggest hangups about dating, currently; I want to date someone who not only tolerates my views on LGB topics, but supports me and doesn't resent me for having the opinions I do. I'm (apparently) in the upper reaches of Gen Z, so I'm not sure how easily accomplished that is, but I guess I'll see...

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel that when he wants to have these discussions with me it is not to debate, but rather he wants to see it as an opportunity to "educate" me.

He wants you to see the world the way you do. Now, I do not know who your boyfriend is or where he’s coming from, so all I can do is speculate, but woke culture has become a religion for many people. Getting called "racist", "homophobic" or "transphobic" by people who buy into this cult is like being called a heretic or an infidel by an extreme Christian/Muslim/Jew. A lot of these people base their self worth on this woke religion, and take any position contrary to woke culture as an attack on them. My assumption is that your boyfriend wants you to hold the same beliefs as him because being woke is his religion, and a part of his self esteem.

You are going to have these debates with him eventually. Not just over LGBT issues, but issues in general. What you need to do is set rules for these debates. No interrupting, no raising your voices, and no name calling. Talk like adults, and treat each other like adults. Be respectful. If your boyfriend cannot do that, then there is not much you can do. But you have to stand your ground. If he cannot respect you, then the relationship is doomed, because a healthy relationship is built upon respect. In fact, I’d argue that respect is much more important than love when it comes to relationships.

On the pride subject, point out the excessive display of nudity and kinkiness at these parades, and that these parades are mostly for straight liberal white women. Point out the concerns about soulless, neoliberal corporations being involved at these events. And as for the pronouns issue, no, calling Demi Lovato (a woman) by female pronouns is not the same as calling a gay man by female pronouns, because Demi Lovato is actually a woman, while a gay man is a man and the application of female pronouns to him is based on disrespect. Demi Lovato is only calling herself no binary to distract from the ice cream parlour incident, and because she’s an attention seeker.

[–]insta 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If you have seriously differing views on ideology with your partner please reconsider going forward with the relationship. Trust me, these differences are only going to grow with time. Either he will have to accommodate yours, or the reverse. Difference in views or ideology are generally because of differing values or principles. These things will only become more important later in life, especially if you want kids.

The "culture war" is only going to get worse as time goes on. While you don't need to have a partner who agrees with you 100% if you partner thinks your opinions are based in evil and/or hate than it's pretty much doomed.

[–]gadflyinajar 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The most interesting thing to me is people's tendency these days to show someone a video of another person agreeing with them as evidence for a claim. It's painfully clear that people's opinions aren't their own, and that they are simply copying each other in a startling obsession with being socially correct.

The logic is this, and when you spell it out to them they're inclined to still continue thinking this way: I'm losing an argument. This must be because they haven't seen the video/influencer I've seen (because I was convinced of this by them). Therefore, when I show them the "content", that will prove I'm correct.

They don't even stop to CONSIDER that the person/people they're listening to could both be incorrect, AND be reaching their conclusions in the same fashion, holding the same authority as themselves. It's a hivemind in denial of the hive. When you aren't convinced by the stupid fucking tik tok clip they sent you (that just makes a claim), you're accused of being intellectually dishonest, because you should have been convinced. In reality, nobody should be convinced of anything by anything that isn't evidence or an argument.

[–]julesburm1891 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

This. I had a disagreement with a friend irl a couple of weeks ago because she was on about demisexuality. Here’s how that conversation went: Me: how is that different from being a well-adjusted person with boundaries? Friend: it just is. Me:…but how? Friend: refers to a graphic novel she read and implies I’m a jerk for not being convinced

We consume more media than at any point in history, but people aren’t willing to examine their beliefs if it provides the slightest bit of discomfort or legwork.

[–]gadflyinajar 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm a huge fan of capitalism in general, because the freedom of markets as well as the increase in standard of living is to what I attribute much of the social change in the 1900s. I am afraid however, that by studying and really understanding economics, we might have opened a Pandora's Box. The commodification of art is a result of the "optimization" of things, but optimized art seems like an oxymoron. In any case, now most art is meant to solely garner fans and keep them, with the hopes of building a franchise. What's the most optimal way to do that? Pander. I also think maybe something in the human mind goes awry if you're pandered to so much, like a weird sort of para-social echo chamber effect, but I wouldn't know how to prove it.

[–]verystablegenius 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

i have made a post similar to yours before they deleted truelesbians. i have seen a handful of posts similar to yours as well. lots of people will say that there is a way to respectfully disagree on this topic and move on, but i don’t think that’s possible when this ideology as touched like…the fabric of society so profoundly. like, are you going to be okay if he ever brings around trans lesbians or weird ass non binary people seeking your validation? or wants to go to “queer” get togethers? or actively “affirms” people’s genders? like, it’s not just about respectfully disagreeing. because it is not just an ideological discussion, it is something you have to engage in. my ex was incredibly indoctrinated with this ideology, and i couldn’t handle it a second longer when she brought home a trans lesbian who was clearly a dude in a dress with a beard. she brought me to “queer nights” and i got to see all of the ftms which made me severely depressed seeing a room full of self hating homosexuals and straight people LARPing like delusional psychopaths. yeah. so, my opinion is that you can break up over this. i had to break up with my ex, and i am happier.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It’s sad to say this, but I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a man who insists that non-binary is real that I have to respect neopronouns. And I definitely would not want to be in a relationship with anyone like OP’s boyfriend.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sjw? RUN

seriously though, sjw’s are like a cult, with all their religious beliefs, so it’s not like you are dealing with a normal situation of “let’s agree to disagree.” He might be thinking less of you if don’t “get check your privilege and get educated.” He wants to convert you to his side not have an adult discussion. So you have to keep that in mind going forward with him. You might gradually get him to see things as they are, but he’s got a lot of society telling him he’s right. So you need to balance the strength of the rest of the relationship against never agreeing on these things.

[–]chazzstrong 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I honestly don't know what to do, because I feel that when he wants to have these discussions with me it is not to debate, but rather he wants to see it as an opportunity to "educate" me.

Knowing nothing about you or your boyfriend, if someone sat on my couch and told me this, I would tell them that their partner doesn't respect them. This behavior is seen in people who view their own opinions as 'right' and rarely, if ever, will entertain an opposing view.

Just sayin.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sjw? RUN

seriously though, sjw’s are like a cult, with all their religious beliefs, so it’s not like you are dealing with a normal situation of “let’s agree to disagree.” He might be thinking less of you if don’t “get check your privilege and get educated.” He wants to convert you to his side not have an adult discussion. So you have to keep that in mind going forward with him. You might gradually get him to see things as they are, but he’s got a lot of society telling him he’s right. So you need to balance the strength of the rest of the relationship against never agreeing on these things.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Is he a transmed/truscum believer (believes being trans is a brain condition caused by having a "female brain" in a male body and vice versa), or a tucute believer (I'm whatever I say I am because everything is meaningless)?

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My boyfriend's opinion is that he says that regarding the pride marches there are no gray scales, or you support, or you do not support it.

Seems kind of an extreme mentality; that's black-and-white thinking, by his own admission.

That sounds like a frustrating position to be in, I'm sorry. I am assuming since you're dating you care about him and want to be able to understand each other, but... it sounds like it might be hard to come to a place of mutual understanding on this topic, at least, if he assumes that you are wrong before hearing you out and doesn't seem open to tolerating opposing view points that are not exactly like his own.

BTW, your English is better than that of many native speakers I know, lol.