"Who am I? Pumps or pants? Or am I... both?"

This is what always freaking kills me. Not fitting into gender stereotypes doesn't mean you're magical. If you have a penis and you wear men's underwear and women's shoes, you can still be a man. If anyone can give me a concrete example of what it means to be "non-binary" without resorting to, "I just don't feel like a man/woman," then maybe I'll concede that it's a real thing. Until then, I'll maintain that "non-binary" is just "gender non-conforming," but instead of trying to be pioneers in society and say, "Hey, men can wear dresses and that doesn't make them not a man," they say, "society's gender norms are rigid and accurate and must remain in place, but since I don't fit those, I must be neither man nor woman."

That is just so counterproductive and really just reeks of entitled narcissism, that someone considers themselves so special and unique and interesting and better than society.

I get it, it's not exactly easy being gender non-conforming. And yes, society does generally have gender roles, and many people will ostracize those that don't fit into those roles. So it's easier to just say, "I'm non-binary," and use that as a sort of safeword (after all, if someone's ridiculing you for being a man in a dress, that's one thing, but if someone's ridiculing you for your identity you can claim they're some sort of -ist or -phobe and continue being the hero of your own story). But I really feel like gender non-conforming people should be coming out and publicly saying, "I wear makeup and pumps and guess what? I'm still a man." Normalizing that sort of thing should be the eventual endgoal, not othering yourself from society because you're "so enlightened and above it."