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[–]mvmlego 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm going to be a little preachy here. If I understood the timeline correctly, they had planned to marry at some point in 2020, but the wedding was postponed due to COVID to spring of 2021 or some point even later. Consequently, she's unmarried, has a baby on the way, and now she found out that the guy she's with is a dud.

She would have won everything in a landslide if she went to a divorce court, but that option's not available because they decided to cohabitate and risk having a kid before getting married. I know there are plenty of people nowadays--and disproportionately many young people or LGB people--who are wary of the institution of marriage, but remember that it has its advantages. You fought hard for the right to marry. Use it.

I'm not trying to victim blame here. To be completely clear: Ben/Olivia holds all of the moral fault in this situation. The fact remains, however, that much of the pain the OP will have to go through in trying to disentangle herself from Benivia could have been avoided if she insisted that he put a ring on it before cohabiting.

[–]NonimeTired of Explaining Reality to Fuckwits (TERF) 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I can't help but wonder if there were any signs before this happened. There's no way this is just out of the blue. I know many men in my life and NONE of them would ever do this.

[–]our_team_is_winning 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There were warning signs:

<Ben wanted to try new things.... he'd been watching more porn and stuff, and he said something he was really getting into was crossdressing..... I was more than happy to try it out with him. We both enjoyed ourselves and it became a more regular thing in the bedroom for us....Ben began cross dressing around the house in a non-sexual context. I am well-acquainted with transgender issues, I have always thought of myself as an ally>

Porn, cross dressing, her acceptance of it, her "trans ally" pride... The moment he says porn and cross dressing: goodbye.