A new and selfless lesbian graces the planet

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[–]julesburm1891 43 insightful - 7 fun43 insightful - 6 fun44 insightful - 7 fun -  (3 children)

Gotta love all the replies like “you’re straight of course you aren’t attracted to her anymore.” No one wants to get into the real issue of: you don’t find a selfish man larping as a woman attractive.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 32 insightful - 2 fun32 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

That’s exactly it. Ben is still a biological male. But the sudden change in his personality and his behaviour, plus the eventual change in his appearance, is going to be a turnoff for OP. Not to mention that he wants to buy expensive cosmetics while a baby is on the way, and doesn’t seem to care too much about the baby.

[–]chazzstrong 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly! I seriously do not think the loss of attraction is because he looks atrocious in heels or comes off looking like a drag queen, it's because as Humans we instinctively shy away from things that make us uncomfortable or feel dangerous. A man suddenly wanting to be a woman is BOTH of those things. Any soon-to-be mother is going to think about the well being of her coming child, and that throws up all kinds of red flags.

And, not to go all psychologist or anything, but it's VERY clear to me that his 'change' happened because his partner, as is typical of pregnant women, was likely getting far more attention and catered to than he was and it made him jealous. Plus, him suddenly being a "woman" catapulted his needs up-to or ( in his mind ) over her own. That's a dead-ringer for narcissism.

[–]fuckupaddamsBisexual Terve 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My thoughts exactly

[–]GConly 42 insightful - 1 fun42 insightful - 0 fun43 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

According to Olivia, I must really be bisexual to have fallen in love with her.

And he waited until she was pregnant until coming out, so she'd need his help and be forced to stay.

What an abusive, selfish shit.

[–]millicentfawcett 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I've seen so many example of men coming out as trans whilst their partner is pregnant. It's really quite common. Reminds me of domestic abuse literature where it's pointed out that pregnancy is often an inciting incident for the start of abuse. No doubt because it's at this point she is most vulnerable and trapped and is more likely to accept anything thrown her way.

[–]censorshipment 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've always thought men become jealous of their own offspring, even before the babies are born, and basically abuse their own children by proxy through the mothers.

I remember watching "A Cry For Help: The Tracey Thurman Story" (based on a true story / court case) in the 80s as a kid and seeing a woman/mother being abused for the first time. My parents allowed me to watch anything and to ask them anything, and that's when I was told about misogyny. My mom was a second-wave feminist, so she was eager to talk to me about it even though I was only about 6 years old. We watched a lot of Lifetime movies, which were typically based on true stories in the 80s and 90s, and talked about men's hatred of women.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Cry_for_Help:_The_Tracey_Thurman_Story

"When she told him that she was pregnant with his child, he punched her in the face and kicked her in the stomach."

[–]our_team_is_winning 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh that movie: Jo from Facts of Life and Darien Lambert from Time Trax-- how could he even take that role? He jumped up and stomped on her head. I watched that again a couple years ago and my friend and I both screamed out loud. That was intense.

And in reality, the police took their time getting there and then just stood and watched at first.

Same way some wild animals (males) will kill their own babies.

Shudder.

[–]mvmlego 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

To be honest, as scummy as he seems, I don't think that was his motive. Her telling him she was pregnant may have prompted him to come out for a variety of psychological reasons, but that doesn't imply he was waiting to come out until she was pregnant.

Given that the pregnancy appears to have been unplanned ("Tbh I was hoping that it would happen once we were married"), it wouldn't have been rational for him to wait for it to happen--unless he was engaged in birth control sabotoge, but given his lack of interest in the baby, I don't think so.

[–]reluctant_commenter 34 insightful - 3 fun34 insightful - 2 fun35 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

That's so heartbreaking for the child and the mother who lost her partner's support. I hope she is able to get support from friends and family.

And that guy is somehow managing to be homophobic, biphobic, sexist and insanely self-centered all at once. What a narcissist.

[–]Finnegan7921 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What's amazing is that they instantly have all the gaslighting ammo ready the moment they drop the T bomb on their SO's. These people get indoctrinated on the internet, the pattern is so clear. Deal with the rejection by instantly calling the other person selfish, tell them that they must be something other than they are to have fallen for the T in the first place, and go wild on makeup/clothes, plowing crazy amounts of money into the transition.

[–]Tikiri 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is heartbreaking, particularly for the baby. Is “Ben/Olivia” going to insist on being called a “mother”? And if so, what if OP objects to that - could she potentially lose the child due to “transphobia”? Because with the new Biden administration rules, isn’t that something that’s much more enforceable now?

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel sorry for the mother, but I especially feel sorry for the unborn child. What is the child going to think when he or she finds out about his or her father? It’s not going to be pleasant.

[–]our_team_is_winning 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This comment:

<I would say that not being attracted to Olivia is the opposite of being transphobic or unaccepting of who Olivia is. You're not attracted to women, which means you totally see her as a woman.>

No. The OP does not suddenly see a woman and think "well, I'm not into women" -- she sees the MAN who she trusted and got pregnant by, and he's LARPing and gaslighting and making it all about him when she is at her most vulnerable. OP is only making all these apologies because the Cult of Woke demands adherents grovel on their knees "I'm not transphobic. I'm not! I'm not! I fully support her. Yes. HER. I said it. HER! Men can totally morph into women. I do believe. I do! Please don't burn me as a heretic! Anything you say, I'll repeat it." --- Heartbreaking to see a cult member self-abuse like this.

It makes me want to do PSAs. "There is a cult that is destroying our women. With your help, we can save these women." It would be nice to save the men too, but sexual fetish addiction treatment .... beyond my pay scale.

[–]No_ 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It’s probably the whoke way of saying “wow he’s a cunt, this is what you need to say to get out of there”

[–]mvmlego 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I'm going to be a little preachy here. If I understood the timeline correctly, they had planned to marry at some point in 2020, but the wedding was postponed due to COVID to spring of 2021 or some point even later. Consequently, she's unmarried, has a baby on the way, and now she found out that the guy she's with is a dud.

She would have won everything in a landslide if she went to a divorce court, but that option's not available because they decided to cohabitate and risk having a kid before getting married. I know there are plenty of people nowadays--and disproportionately many young people or LGB people--who are wary of the institution of marriage, but remember that it has its advantages. You fought hard for the right to marry. Use it.

I'm not trying to victim blame here. To be completely clear: Ben/Olivia holds all of the moral fault in this situation. The fact remains, however, that much of the pain the OP will have to go through in trying to disentangle herself from Benivia could have been avoided if she insisted that he put a ring on it before cohabiting.

[–]NonimeTired of Explaining Reality to Fuckwits (TERF) 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I can't help but wonder if there were any signs before this happened. There's no way this is just out of the blue. I know many men in my life and NONE of them would ever do this.

[–]our_team_is_winning 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There were warning signs:

<Ben wanted to try new things.... he'd been watching more porn and stuff, and he said something he was really getting into was crossdressing..... I was more than happy to try it out with him. We both enjoyed ourselves and it became a more regular thing in the bedroom for us....Ben began cross dressing around the house in a non-sexual context. I am well-acquainted with transgender issues, I have always thought of myself as an ally>

Porn, cross dressing, her acceptance of it, her "trans ally" pride... The moment he says porn and cross dressing: goodbye.

[–]our_team_is_winning 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

much of the pain the OP will have to go through in trying to disentangle herself from Benivia could have been avoided if she insisted that he put a ring on it before cohabiting.

Maybe you mean if she hadn't had sex with him yet? As is, by not being married, at least her finances shouldn't be tied to his, so maybe it will be easier to walk away? [I think this was a UK case? In my US state, you have to be married ten years before you are entitled to money from the ex-husband and it's questionable if this man had any money left after buying all his frilly things.]

The law probably gives him lots of rights to the baby, but if she moves far away and changes her name before the baby is born, maybe he can't find her and pursue it? I'd hate to think what name she will put on the birth certificate under father. "Olivia"?

Given how selfish he is, he might have zero interest in being legally responsible for a child. On the other hand, knowing how he could hurt her further, and being jealous that she can have a baby and he can't, he might try to take the baby just to inflict more pain.

As soon as the fetish manifested, I wish she had run. "Let's wear each other's clothes. That will be spicy!" No. That's a big warning sign. That poor woman. And the kid.

[–]mvmlego 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Maybe I have a misconception about cohabitation, but it seems unlikely to me that their finances would have remained completely separate as a practical matter, even if they were legally separate. Also, unless they've been keeping a comprehensive list of which person bought every appliance, every piece of furniture, etc., there will be considerable ambiguity as to who should get what, without being able to go through the legal process that's dedicated to sorting out that kind of thing.

Furthermore, while I agree that she wouldn't automatically end up with some of his money after just being married for a year or two, I'm confident that she would win big in this specific case, given how unreasonably he appears to have acted.

Perhaps she could resolve the child custody situation by moving far away, but that would upend her life in nearly every other way.

Altogether, I think there are two things that should have waited until marriage: moving in together, and having a child. For a heterosexual couple, the latter could be construed as "don't have premarital sex", but that's not applicable to a large portion of the readers here.

[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The whole situation highlights the dangers of moving in with anyone, married or not, and of comingling anything. I've known people who took in a roommate, not a lover, just a roommate, and that person got on the lease and then turned into the roommate from hell, and the original tenant who took that person in couldn't kick them out, couldn't get the deposit back on the place, lots of horrors.

Personally I think everyone would be wise to keep their own bank account, don't go halves on any major purchases (unless willing to give them up) AND have legal papers about any pets. This pet is MINE. So many people lose their beloved pets in breakups (and the ex will often hurt or kill the pet, same as they'll do to a child.) I don't see partnering up as a safety thing, but rather a danger!

In fact, people partnering up should keep separate residences. Not joking. I didn't have a horrible experience myself that led to this conclusion, but I've seen so many others. And that's without the insane T element.

[–]Finnegan7921 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

At least the comments were supportive.

[–]NonimeTired of Explaining Reality to Fuckwits (TERF) 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's absolutely no coincidence that this happened when she was pregnant and couldn't leave. Horrendous, manipulative behavior. This woman has already signed away her body to being damaged by carrying this man's child, and 18+ years of her life committed to raising this child with her male partner, and he pulls this.

There must have been some signs of this happening sooner. There's no way this happened out of the blue.

She needs to leave. Immediately. This is not a good environment for a child to be born into.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Her problem is in the current environment, trying to protect herself and keep the child away from this narcissistic bully is likely to end in her not being allowed to keep it.

[–]NonimeTired of Explaining Reality to Fuckwits (TERF) 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They are not married, and her chances of keeping the kid are far greater if she moves out to live by herself before the kid is born, and avoiding him signing the birth certificate.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Typical trans behavior. How dare you be so selfish to not think about ME!!!

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My first question was "what does this mean for me and the baby?" and it was then that I knew I screwed up. She began to cry and told me I only think of myself.

What a manipulative little sh*thead.

Anyone listened to Jennifer's Story? This whole episode reminds me of that in many ways.

[–]PassionateIntensity 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Once again, a narcissistic asshole "comes out trans" when his wife is pregnant. Such a cliche.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]automoderatorHuman-Exclusionary Radical Overlord[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

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