My gay transman identity is hijacked by cis women who treat my relationship like their porn, their toy, their property

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[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 28 insightful - 3 fun28 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 3 fun -  (29 children)

Actual homosexual guy here.

Yes I do care, because "yaoi" often romantacizes rape and abuse of feminine males, which is an existing problem in the gay community enough without some idiot teenage girls thinking it's "SO KAWAII." And most yaoi fans can't keep it to fiction or keep it respectful, in my experience. The kind of woman (including FTM) that consumes that trash is also the kind who harasses real people, "ships" them, asks if they are "top or bottom" publicly etc.

[–]Lesbianese⚢ 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Had never seen an actual homosexual male talk about it before, so thank you for explaining. Makes sense.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I dunno. I'm in half a mind about this. On one hand I'm creeped out and think it's messed up, on the other I don't care what weird porn people like so long as they understand the difference between porn and real life and have some boundaries. Sure, enjoy porn of men raping each other— wouldn't be the first or last person to have weird porn interests, but don't start to think that means you are actually a gay man or that gay men enjoy being raped.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The problem is that this content does not exist in the vacuum. People internalize ideas from media, that's why so many people are trans now, because kids see this stupid "fandom" online and want to be a part of it. In the same way, stupid terms like "top" and "Bottom" take off online and now people think that's what is being gay is. Or that being gay is about drugs or partying or stupid outfits. Yes, people believe this and it's why people say I "Act straight" and why LGBT was recently attacking a gay politician for not being flamboyant and obnoxious aka "not gay enough."

I've also never met a guy who had a fetish for raping, degrading, or "dominating" others who didn't genuinely see other people as beneath him. When a man has sent me a detailed message explaining how he wants to damage my body and hurt me emotionally I never think "oh well that's just a kink teehee, I'm not into it but that's valid." It's not just a "kink", those kinds of people enjoy hurting others for real. It's why I don't date and I stay 5000 meters away from the "gay community" at all times. I'm not about to end up injured and further emotionally damaged because some poor men have an innocent "kink" for treating feminine males like shit.

(Again, why can't I be straight and avoid all this shit? It's really rare to find a woman who gets off on abusing males but I can just simply BREATHE and toxic guys approach me)

[–]QueenBread 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

Sorry, but you don't speak for all gay men. As a teen I bought a lot of yaoi stuff, and all of my gay friends flocked to my yaoi manga like bees flock to honey. It is true they seemed not to be much into the rapey parts, but they certainly enjoyed the porn and the romance. It reminds me of a chat I once had with a gay friend about a romantic yaoi manga. "I think it's an accurate depiction of homosexuality: the fear of not being liked by your partner..... the jealousy.... the passion...." to which I replied "I don't think that's homosexuality, I think that's romantic relationships in general!".

[–]Shadow_Lurker 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sorry, but you don't speak for all gay men.

I belive this is not a mere question of perspective, because if we look at concrete sales numbers, most people that buy yaoi manga are straight woman and not gay men.

The same goes for lesbian porn: most of it's consumers are straight men, even if one can point to a lesbian here and there that also likes it.

[–]QueenBread 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, I can agree with this. I was just saying I disagree that, just because yaoi are mainly targeted at straight women, gay men won't sometimes like them too.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

Did I say I speak for all gay men? No. I'm perfectly aware lots of gay men like it, this is why I avoid the gay community at all costs and can't relate to them. I'm very much aware that gay men get off on media and porn where it's essentially a "Real man" raping a feminine boy, because nearly all my interactions with gay men have been those who are interested in raping/sexually "dominating" me.

Don't assume I'm speaking for the "gay community" because I hate it, I can't relate to it, and I don't want to be a part of it. I'm alone & so are my opinions. I don't give a rat's ass what the gay community approves of and doesn't, I already know they think rape is sexy, feminine males are subordinate, and being an obnoxious pretentious dickhead is a stunning & brave personality to have.

I'm saying I hate yaoi because I hate yaoi. Just like I hate the fucking "gay culture" and top/bottom shit even though I'm perfectly aware most gay guys get off on that sadomasochism and stupid sexist stereotypes.

[–]QueenBread 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I'm noticing a lot of passionate hate from your comment. If I were a psychologist, I'd ask you to look inside yourself and wonder WHY you take it so personally if some dudes have a S/M fetish or are into sexist stereotypes.

I don't think you are alone in your opinions, by the way. There's billions upon billions of humans in this world: it's pretty much impossible NOT to find someone who shares your views.

Way I see it, I respect your dislike for s/m and sexist stereotypes. Everyone should have the right to be into what they like. The only problem is when one thing is considered the "correct" thing, and the other is considered "wrong". I think all fetishes are fine by me as long as it's between adults and consenting humans.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Why do I take it so personally? Because they MAKE it personal. I'm the one who has to fuckin' put up with dudes telling me with great joy how they'd like to rape/degrade/beat/otherwise harm me. I'm the one who has to live my life knowing that most guys see me as an object and not a person, and that I'll never be able to have a healthy relationship because of that + the fact I'm not attracted to women.

Nobody has the "right" to be into shit that harms others. Nobody has the right to treat others as beneath them and harm them for their own gain. Especially people who don't consent to it, nor have ever showed any interest for it. It's not wrong because "hurr durr society," it's wrong because rape & sexual/physical abuse seriously damages people.

[–]QueenBread 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I'm sorry, I didn't know we were doing the oppression olimpics. Excuse me but I think you have some personal issues which you are projecting on others. Or perhaps you live in an alternate reality where EVERYONE is out there to have rape fantasies about you and see you as an object.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Ah yes, being a victim of sexual abuse is "personal issues I'm projecting onto others unfairly."

Go fuck yourself. I'm not obligated to feel sympathy or respect for men who treat me poorly. Shit like this is why I don't relate to the gay community & would never consider dating a gay guy. It makes me ashamed that I'm homosexual knowing that it seems like most gay guys are rape apologists and whine about people who don't consent to being sexually mistreated.

[–]QueenBread 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

The whole world doesn't revolve around you. Harsh, but true.

For example: billions of people love playing Call Of Duty. Now, imagine you're a scarred war veteran with PTSD and other physical and psychological trauma. Imagine that will make you hate COD and the fact that so many people adore playing that game.

Do you have a reason to be pissed at that videogame and its popularity? Yes. Does that mean that game is evil and everyone playing it is evil? Not in the slightest. And while you'd have all the reason in the world to hate that videogame, you will automatically be wrong if you hate everyone who plays that game and if you think that everyone who plays that videogame is evil or stupid.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Uhhh sexual mistreatment is pretty fucking different from videogames, buddy. That's really not comparable.

Fictional war games don't target and fetishize real people. People (usually) don't get off to killing in videogames, it's just part of gameplay. But people into porn do internalize those ideas of porn. I always question WHY people get off to rape of others and abuse. WHY do you find depictions of feminine men being abused fun and sexy? That's the real question. If people enjoy drawings, stories etc of males like me being raped then I have no reason to believe that "fiction stays fiction" and that they wouldn't also enjoy it in the real world.

Again, it looks like the person you're trying to convince the most here is yourself. You wouldn't be desperately preaching otherwise. You want valdiation, I'm not giving it to you. If it bothers you so much that one guy feels hurt & disgusted by your porn choices, ask yourself why that is. Or better yet why you seem to feel more hurt that I as a single individual don't like you for it, than you care about me and countless others you are making uncomfortable and hurting by supporting this shit.

[–]QueenBread 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Fictional war games don't target and fetishize real people. People (usually) don't get off to killing in videogames, it's just part of gameplay. But people into porn do internalize those ideas of porn.

Excuse me, so you're telling me I'm into the idea of raping and fetishizing in real life, just because I enjoy some good ol' kink porn?

I also like slasher flicks..... does that mean I'm gonna wear a mask and chop up teenagers?

WHY do you find depictions of feminine men being abused fun and sexy? That's the real question.

I don't find sexy the depictions of feminine men being abused. I find sexy the depictions of big buff men being abused. I like'em manly.

That a problem for you? I'm a sicko who'd rape or torture someone in real life, for you?

If I can understand the difference between shooting a dude in a videogame and shooting a dude in real life, why would I not be able to understand that same difference when it comes to sexual content?

If it bothers you so much that one guy feels hurt & disgusted by your porn choices, ask yourself why that is.

Of course it bothers me. Would it not bother you at all if you like something, and some dude comes and tells you that you're bad for liking that something?

Furthermore, I'm trying to break your cognitive bias by showing you that, here I am, I'm one of those people who enjoy BDSM rapey yaoi content: either you think I'm practically a serial rapist, or you accept I'm a normal person.

[–]QueenBread 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

So, I harass real people, I "ship" them and, cherry on top, I ask them who fucks with whom?

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Who the fuck are you? A fujoshi? A FTM? I mean, if you come in here out of nowhere and say "SO YOU'RE SAYING I HARASS REAL GUYS AND ASK SEXUALLY INVASIVE QUESTIONS" unprompted, I'm probably going to guess yes. I mean, why else would you randomly pop up and beg for validation like that?

Christ you people are weird. And I'm a homosexual with a fuck ton of mental problems and an unhealthy obsession. You know it's bad when I call others such

[–]QueenBread 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Clam down, buddy, calm down. This thread made the statement "girls who like yaoi harass real guys and ask sexually invasive questions". I'm a girl who likes yaoi. So I'm just asking if that means I do all that weird stuff.

Because, funny that, I don't think I ever did something so socially awkward and crazy.

But hey, tell me. You seem to know girls who like yaoi better than ourselves.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I mean, maybe you DON'T go around asking random guys if they're "top or bottom" or whether they're into spins wheel of weird yaoi fetishes mpreg half-wolf alternate universe, but, if you like yaoi then there's a high chance you consume & enjoy content that glorifies rape and sexual abuse, particularly of feminine males.

And as a feminine guy who's often been the target of abuse from men, sorry not sorry, but people who fetishize and enjoy fictional content that portrays that make me wary. Even the fact that you had to come in here and jump on my comment like "omg I do X are you saying I'm bad" is a red flag to me.

I just think it's funny as fuck (in a sad way) that if you were a guy who came on this sub like "Yeah I like lesbian porn, does that make me misogynist and creepy?" the lesbians on this sub would verbally tear you apart (especially with the amount of batshit crazy, quick-to-anger radfems there are here) but the moment I'm like "oh I don't trust women who fetishize gay relationships" I'm the problem and the one who's "tRyInG To KnOw WoMeN BeTtEr ThAn ThEy KnOw ThEmSelVeS."

Again, going so far to defend that you like this content tells me enough. Like, you wouldn't be here trying to convince me so hard if you truly didn't know it was problematic, lmfao. You're probably just hoping for that one gay guy to tell you "why yes, I do indeed enjoy porn comics of underage anime boys being anally raped as much as you do" so you can feel validated and claim that actual homosexual guys are on your side

[–]QueenBread 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Let me understand this. You're telling me I'm not supposed to enjoy my BDSM rape fetish yaoi manga, because you say so?

Also, allow me to say that straight men have every right to enjoy lesbian porn if that's their fancy. There's nothing wrong with it. It gets wrong only when they start calling themselves lesbians and forget the difference between reality and fiction and try to impose their fetish on real lesbians. But, just like with women who like yaoi, I'd wager than most men who like lesbian porn know it's just a fetish and they shouldn't impose it to real lesbians. Most women who like yaoi aren't trying to impose yaoi to real gays.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

You're not supposed to enjoy it because it's fucked up and if you get off on rape of others than you're fucked in the head. You can do what you want. I can't stop you. But I don't have to like nor respect you. If you enjoy depictions of feminine men being raped, then as a feminine guy, I sincerely hate that you glamorize something that I struggle with in the real world and I don't want to be near you.

[–]QueenBread 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Dude, you're a feminine guy and you think YOU "struggle" with perverts, potential rapists, fetishists, etcetera?

Do I have a surprise for you. I'm an actual woman, and not even the most feminine guy can tell a WOMAN that they struggle with rapists and perverts, because hello, this is daily life for any woman in the world.

Now, I guess you have some personal issues of your own, perhaps some bad experience that signed you. It's ok and you have all the right of the world to feel how you feel. Just try not to hate an entire category of people because of their kinks. Most people aren't crazy.