I was never actively TRA. I never tried to shut down any conversation. I never called anyone transphobic or a TERF. But I did come from a mind set where I casually accepted and cheered on anything “pro trans” and booed anything “anti-trans.” It was always framed as liberal vs. conservative and like trans people were this super tiny group with no political power and that were getting murdered in the streets. I did know some trans people, but I also assumed that there had to be more to their story than what I could see.

I didn’t get into the politics and ideology until I started noticing a lot of disturbing discourse that was not getting immediately questioned as homophobic, misogynistic, and rape-y. I started noticing a lot of “this never happens” and “no one is saying” language, constantly denying the happenings of things I had witnessed. When I looked for answers and explanations, they were hard to come by. I started noticing the role of mainstream and liberal media in all of this, and also why only conservative media was allowed to broadcast any opposition. I peaked pretty quickly once I actively looked into it but there was a period where I was trying to be as gentle as possible until I realized that you couldn’t be. That this requires directness and not coddling or enabling.

For like a year before this I was trying to understand “non-binary” and I could never grasp it. I started to think “why can’t you be a man/woman and do those things or feel that way?” It never made any sense, but I just assumed that I didn’t get it.

I did find it all completely unwieldy because I’m a lawyer and I do some work with LGBT stuff and it is fucking impossible to have a coherent conversation when people are infusing gender stuff and pronouns into it. Witness interviews were difficult because everything was “they they they they they” and I would constantly have to interrupt to figure out who the hell was doing what in a story. I had obvious gay men and women in front of me insist that they weren’t men or women, but were non-binary. The legal claims that people were asserting made no sense because they were all genderfucked.

At a certain point I had to realize that my mind was so open that my brain had fallen out. I try to learn from all of the times there was a red flag waving in my face that I ignored and use that to help me communicate the issue to others.