This has been something that's been on my mind ever since I started becoming more vocal about how I don't believe in the whole Transgender Ideology and speaking up on certain realities of what caused it for specifically the HSTS types.
See I'm a feminine gay man myself who presents femininely as well. Here's what I mean to paint a picture of what I look like in my day to day life I do this not to show off but just to give a good example of what I mean by "Feminine/Non-conforming" because a lot of the time when I come across guys who claim to be feminine and non-conforming, I notice that as far as looks go, they still have a sense of soft masculinity to them in their appearance (I'd really just call these guys Androgynous looking) but then you have guys like me who well, yeah the look speaks for itself.
Anyway lately I've been running into self-confidence issues when I was reflecting on what my life has been like being the way I am and some of the harsh realities it ended up causing me. I try my best to speak out against Trans ideology because I genuinely do believe it's a bunch of nonsense and mental gymnastics wrapped in fetish, self-internalized homophobia, and narcissism. That when it comes specifically to the men, especially HSTS, they think that being feminine makes them women when womanhood is not defined by that, being an adult human female does which these men are not.
So I speak out in the sense that I want to help the younger generation see that they don't need to claim to be the opposite sex to be able to partake in masculinity or Femininity. And that guys can be feminine and actually look it too if they genuinely are interested in it which is also why I continue to just be myself. I don't want to see young people destroying their bodies with these drugs (HRT) and surgeries, especially before they turn 21. I just want gender nonconforming youth to see that your life doesn't have to end if you stay true to yourself and that you don't need to "trans out" to have a good life.
But lately I started reflecting on my own life and I started to feel like a hypocrite. Here I am trying to help uplift feminine gender nonconforming people but yet my own life has turned out fairly rough to say the least. I'm trying to show other feminine guys who are thinking they have to be trans to be accepted for who they are that they don't need to do that and yet I have nothing really in my own life to show that things did turn out okay.
In my own life, my being true to my feminine sensibilities and demeanor has definitely caused some negativity.
- I'm the black sheep of my family. My parents begrudgingly try to accept me as I am but I know deep down they're disappointed in me and thinking why can't I just be "normal" and that the exterior family (for context, I'm adopted) think I'm weird and odd as well.
- It's caused me to have no real genuine friendships. While I never had many friends to begin with what with being very shy and introverted growing up, when I started looking & dressing more feminine in appearance, the few friends I did have slowly faded away and stopped communicating with me. I still had a small handful but that was really hard to watch happen.
- My Dating Life is pretty much dead. On Gay dating sites & apps, I'm practically a ghost. Gay men typically aren't attracted to femininity in men to begin with and if I ever do attract guys, they are usually closet-case bisexuals just fetishing me (either for my style or my race or both!). I've never been in a relationship and I've been out since 15 (I'm currently 29). There's just no question that me being a feminine presenting gay man has definitely impacted my dating llife significantly.
- Just how society tends treat me. I've had stuff thrown at me, words shouted at me, taunts hurtled at me, and side eyes & glares directed at me. Now don't get me wrong, I've gotten some nice people as well but yeah...
- I've gotten disrespected quite a bit at my job. I do tend to look feminine at work compared to my other male coworkers and some customers I can tell just think very little of me because of how I look. I remember having this older couple saying I shouldn't have my job because of how I look. But yeah usually it's other men who tend to be disrespectful to me.
The point is, it's clear that my being true to myself has definitely caused some isolation and the thing that really frustrates me even more is that I KNOW if I just came out and said that I was a transwoman, I probably would be getting a little more acceptance. Like I have a very sneaking suspicion that if I told my parents that I'm "trans", they would probably be more likely to accept me because to them, it'll "make sense" for why I am the way I am. That people in public wouldn't be as rude or discourteous towards me as much. That maybe my dating life would improve because I've had guys saying I should "transition" and I'd attract more guys (I'm not dumb though, a lot of it is still fetish crap + the mental gymnastics), and that I probably would've been able to hold onto to few friends I had.
And then of course when I started becoming more vocal about how I don't believe in Trans ideology, what small few friends I did have just cut me out altogether. And it's been this way for like a year going on 2 now and I'm just.. It has started to affect my self-confidence a bit, I can't lie about that. I genuinely want life to improve for gender nonconforming people because then this trans crap would stop but when I look at how my own life is turning out, it just makes me feel like such a hypocrite because of the struggles I've faced and continue to face today, even to the point of suicidal thoughts because I feel like my efforts just won't matter.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is to any other Gender nonconforming men and women here, how do you keep pushing on? Am I wrong to feel the way I do? And I'm sorry it was such a long read.
[–]LushCanopy 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]artetolife 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun - (2 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Tikiri 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]Eurowoman24 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun - (4 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun - (2 children)
[–]PeakingPeachEaterfemale♀ | detrans🦎 | eater of peaches 🍑 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]HelloMomo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (6 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun - (4 children)
[–]Q-Continuum-kin 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]divingrightintowork 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (5 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun - (4 children)
[–]MiaXiang 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]divingrightintowork 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]BiHorror 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (5 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (4 children)
[–]BiHorror 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (3 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (2 children)
[–]BiHorror 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]MiaXiang 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)
[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (5 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun - (4 children)
[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (3 children)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (2 children)
[–]our_team_is_winning 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun - (0 children)