BisexualAre bi people esp. at risk (health, etc.)?

submitted by PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust from self.LGBDropTheT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Gee, I wonder if it has to do with the L and G (aka, two letters who are supposedly "standing together in solidarity" with bi people) being relentlessly nasty to bisexual people, telling them they're oppressive and evil and just as "bad" as straight people.

Gotta be a coincidence, right guys?! The LG would never. Only trans do bad things.

But my salt aside. It's probably a combination of both hetero and homosexual people not really understanding bisexuality, or not thinking it's real, even. Or being outright hateful. I've seen a lot of it, and I can't imagine a world where that wouldn't have a negative impact on people's mental health.

[–]ElectricSheepSuperBi 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

As a bi man, gold-star gays, and to a lesser extent, gays in general don't always like that you're "tainted" by vagina. Straight women don't like that you're "tainted" by penis. Gays think we have "passing straight privilege" and yet if you're honest with your partners, as you should be, then a lot of women don't consider you to be an option, and sometimes think you are somehow less of a man. Add to this the usual struggles of dating and finding a compatible person, and the end result is having no one. Can't win.

The thing is I can't blame them though. You can't control how you feel. It just is how it is.

[–]florasisHOMOSEXUAL FEMALE/Pussy is my God and I'm monotheist 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Same with lesbians. The hate toward bi girls is so great. But with lesbians, there are reason: as the many so called bi girls who really minimally interested in women or call themselves lesbians while sleeping with men. For bi men, I'm pretty sure if a man come out as bi, the same sex desire is very strong, not just a minor thing like in the case of many bi girls, because being bi men isn't considered a sexy thing

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

For bi men, I'm pretty sure if a man come out as bi, the same sex desire is very strong, not just a minor thing like in the case of many bi girls

I kinda feel like even this is a difficult generalization to prove, though. There is pressure for bi guys to be more attracted to men; there is pressure for bi women to be more attracted to men. Sounds like an artefact of sexism to me, but I could be wrong.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is pressure for bi guys to be more attracted to men; there is pressure for bi women to be more attracted to men. Sounds like an artefact of sexism to me, but I could be wrong.

Strikes me as a product of sexism, too-- that is, the standard kind, plus monosexism (treating sexual orientation as though it must be attraction exclusively to one sex, by definition).

You see the latter in pressuring bi people to be more attracted to a single sex (which enables their "rounding up" to straight or gay-- i.e., monosexualizing them). You see the former in requiring that this single sex be men (since sex-the-activity only counts if there's at least one penis involved, and, for guys, liking dick AT ALL stigmatizes you as a "woman", thus disqualifying you from True ManlinessTM = gay by default).

Interesting that the reverse (bi people getting defined by their attraction to women = recast as lesbian/straight dudes) seems largely unknown, isn't it?

[–]D3M1G0D 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't think that is a good reason for lesbians to have

[–]LesbiSilly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm lesbian and I really don't understand the Biphobia. I think it's stupid. I would date a Bi woman, but I also understand that I can't tell other people who to feel comfortable dating. So, each person be themselves, but no one should be a jerk about it.

[–]OPPRESSED_REPTILIANIntersex male | GNC | Don't call me "a gay", "twink" or "queen" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I can't understand that logic, no more than I feel like I'm "tainted" for simply not being a virgin. In fact in a weird way I think I'd be more comfortable dating a bi guy, simply because I've been treated like such shit by gay males. But that's just me I guess.

The silver lining is those people are probably toxic in other ways, so, it's probably for the best they filter themselves out.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for responding, and I really sympathize with you. Experiences like yours are precisely what makes me think that there's something to these studies after all.

I'm not really talking about dating preferences per se here (as you point out, people can't help how they feel, and of course everybody's "no" must always be taken as final, whatever the reason), but rather the attitudes underlying them.

Basically, this comes down to the assumption that sexual orientation = monosexuality (exclusive attraction to one sex). Thus, bisexuality can't be a sexual orientation. Therefore, it doesn't exist, and neither do bisexuals. We're either "bad" monosexuals (who can't/won't get with the program/play by the rules) or somehow beyond sexual orientation altogether (super open-minded ["hearts not parts"] on the one hand, or completely indiscriminate ["anything that moves"] on the other).

I think that this explains at least part of what you've run into: bi men being seen by straight women as gay closet-cases, and accusations of "straight passing privilege" (not playing by "the rules", i.e., monosexuality's = cheating to get unfair advantage).

Does this sound accurate to you? And do gay men also interpret bi men as gay closet-cases? Or simply feel that vagina = cooties? (Being a woman, I don't know about the male experience of biphobia firsthand.)

Also, have you ever tried just dating other bisexuals? (This is actually my own preference, quite aside from how uncongenial gay and straight people can be towards us.) Or does our tendency not to be "out" make that unfeasible? Maybe an emphasis on facilitation of bi-only dating (apps, etc.) is needed?

[–]ElectricSheepSuperBi 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I stay away from LGBT spaces, and I don't use dating apps, so finding others is difficult. I'm also not really in search of a relationship, so they'd literally have to fall into my lap. In the past the few bisexuals I've found haven't been good matches for me, however I do think that I'd prefer it if I had the choice.

I feel you on the monosexual argument. The "hearts not parts" mindset is so backwards. What I'd find attractive in a man is not necessarily what I want from a woman. Somehow that's hard to parse for a lot of people.

I do think you're right when you say that bi men are seen as closet cases by most women. As for gay men, I think they often have a sort of pitying disposition. I don't think I've personally ever had a gay man accuse me of being "dirty" for being bi, but I know it happens. Mostly I think they either don't care, or take the "oh, honey" approach as if I'm still not ready to accept that I'm fully gay. Sexual fludity is treated very differently for men opposed to women. Whether that's fair or not, I don't know. In your experience, is your bisexuality often taken seriously? Is it taken differently by people inside and outside the community?